Category Archives: Tuesday Tips

Tuesday Tips: Cleaning House

The meeting down at the State Capitol yesterday was great, and besides an action plan, some Arizona homebirth advocates took time to meet with several Senators.  I am relieved to report that things are looking MUCH better.   If you would like to get involved in this very important work, please visit the Rights For Homebirth facebook page.  Regular updates offer action steps to take to keep the pressure on as we strive to Kill the Bill SB1157.

To go along with the theme of “Cleaning House” and getting rid of nasty bills, I thought I would share this website with you today.  It has been the source of most of our “green clean” recipes that we are using for non-toxic house cleaning.  It is written by Dr. Bronner’s granddaughter, Lisa, and she shares cleaning tips as well as anecdotes about her colorful grandfather’s life and times.  Definitely a useful and enjoyable site if you are a fan of Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castile soaps like we are.

Going Green With A Bronner Mom

And with that, I am off to start the day…I came home from the meeting yesterday and started pulling together documents for the Rights For Homebirth group to use as we continue to advocate and lobby the Senators to pledge a NO vote on SB1157.  The Sweet Peas had a free day which they loved! It all worked out.  Now it is time to do some double-duty in our homeschool, and head off to one of our favorite monthly events this morning.

Wishing you a great day!

What is your favorite DIY cleaner recipe?

 

Tuesday Tips: Cultivating Exercise

BLOG ww spf 130925.3This article is a part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering hosted by GrowingSlowerEvery Breath I TakeI Thought I Knew MamaAfrican Babies Don’t Cry, and Adventures of Captain Destructo. This month’s topic is Movement. Be sure to check out all of the participants’ posts through the links at the bottom of this page.

Prompt:  It is so important for us moms to be physically active and to cultivate that in our kids. Important but not easy! How do you make time movement or exercise? How do you encourage it for your kids?

Dance has been part of my life since I started taking lessons as a child around three or four years of age.  The easiest way to get our children moving has been by sharing that love with them.  Regardless of gender, as soon as they are old enough, our children are registered in a combo class at the dance studio.  If their level of interest increases, then we encourage them to enroll in more classes.  If not, we continue with once a week for their combo class that includes tap, ballet and tumbling.

In addition to dancing in their classes, we usually get a nightly dance show of some kind.  The Sweet Peas put on their music, plan out a playlist, and set a performance order.  After a brief rehearsal, my husband and I are called in to watch the evening entertainment.  These occasions are completely organic – we have never had to ask them to do this.  It just started happening on it’s own and has now become an almost nightly after-dinner tradition.

We want ALL our children to take advantage of the benefits of dance: learning rhythm, moving in opposition and in sync, the confidence, the carriage and the sense of movement and space that comes from learning to dance.  I am saddened when I hear mothers say their partners would NEVER let their sons dance.  They are missing out on a great opportunity, and chances are that if they really have a bug for it, they will find their way to it eventually.

We are equal opportunity dancers in our family because both my husband and I enjoy dancing – it’s how we met in the first place!  As a ballroom dance instructor, some of my best students were professional or amateur athletes who came in to learn to partner dance.  It has long been known that some male athletic teams enroll their players in ballet classes to improve their balance and coordination.  We have no issues with our sons enjoying dancing and tumbling as much as our daughters.

Another way we add movement to our day is by walking our dogs.  That is something we could stand to do more often!  Since we have a decent-sized yard, it is not at the top of the list when our days are full.  I know I need to move more so that I can shed the extra fluff I put on growing babies, so one of my intentions this year is to get back to a “walk a day” habit.  It provides a great opportunity to breathe in fresh air and have some one-on-one time with our son that likes to walk his dog when I take out our other four-legged friend.

We also practice yoga – another “before kids” habit we have shared with our children.  We go to classes or we practice in our home.  We are so fortunate to have a studio that offers children’s classes near our home.  We want the Sweet Peas to participate because of the way yoga strengthens the body, and because it teaches about breath and harmony.  That deep abdominal breathing, reflection and introspection that are part of the whole yoga experience are a great foundation for dealing with stress in a healthy way.

As far as tying movement into our homeschool day, we have a dance break or create obstacle courses to break up the sitting and listening time.  When we do an obstacle course, we set them up inside or outside, depending on the time of day and the weather.  I think of the old Sesame Street™ song, sung by Grover when I set up the course: Over, Under and Through.  The older kiddos like to help set these up. We encourage their creativity by putting out the elements and then have them design the run.  We use things like a tunnel purchased from IKEA, chairs, stools, exercise balls, laundry baskets, cones, tables (inside) and a baseball bat/tee (outside).

Our Sweet Peas are also enrolled in swimming lessons and horseback riding…and soon, we are adding sports to the repertoire.  Our goal as parents is to expose them to as many different ways to move and exercise so that they can find their own favorite for a lifetime of enjoyment.

Parenting wisdom tells us that the best example the Sweet Peas can learn from is one that they see.  I commit to being active by working out three mornings a week with a trainer who comes to our home.  If I didn’t have him there, I know I wouldn’t work out because there is always something to occupy the time.  My husband is much more disciplined in this area – he will get on the elliptical machine a few times a week without needing someone to show up at the door.  We also go out on walks together on the days that our schoolwork is done and his work is done before the nanny has to go home.  Now that our children are older and I don’t have a round-the-clock nursling, we have started going out dancing again, too!  One of the styles we enjoy is Argentine Tango; going to the milongas (tango dance) is a family activity in Argentina.  We have started teaching the Sweet Peas and some day soon, we can all go out and do that together as a family.

BLOG ww 131016.5 tango

When they ask why we exercise, we tell them it is so that we can stay healthy to see them grow, and meet their children someday.  For me, movement it is not about losing weight.  I was not healthy as a dancer because I wanted to be a certain size, and I don’t want our children to have any negative associations with food and exercise.  I want our children to know that we will love them in whatever shape they grow into.  My primary goal is to teach them to love movement because their body needs it to be fit, be healthy and to stay strong.

Tuesday Tips: Green Your Nail Polish

NTNP

Can you tell our nail polish is well-loved?

Have you ever thought about the nail polish you use for yourself, and your children?

Changing your nail polish product is another simple “green” shift you can make in your family’s choices.  Doing so will allow you to avoid some biggie toxins being absorbed right into your child’s bloodstream.  Here are some ingredients that are commonly found in conventional nail polishes that you may want to avoid in pregnancy, and for your children once they are earthside:

  • FD&C colors
  • Formaldehyde
  • Dibutyl Phthalate
  • Toluene
  • Xylene

In our house, anyone who wants their finger nails painted is sitting down for a weekly polish change in Puma’s room.  Since it is used often and liberally, we are definitely keeping on the “green” side of things when it comes to nail polish.

As students of the Bradley Method®, we had a class devoted to avoiding harmful substances (now we teach that class!).  It really opened our mind to all the subtle ways that toxins can enter our environment.  One of the biggest culprits is personal care products.  So, I stopped getting acrylic nails while I was pregnant, and started using Honeybee Garden when I was pregnant with Night Owl.  Then Puma got old enough to have an opinion, and she wanted brighter colors.  We have used Piggypaint, and now we have also added Hopscotch Kids (added bonus…local Phoenix mamapreneur!) to our polish collection.  All three are free of the chemicals, and I know that Honeybee Garden is also free of the FD&C dyes.

New on the scene is Chrome Girl – two mamas in California are behind this company.

So what do you think?  Have you considered switching over to non-toxic nail polishes?  What are your favorite brands if you have made the switch?

 

 

Tuesday Tips: Safe Sledding

This meme is making it’s way around facebook these days – so true for me!  In all seriousness, though, there are some considerations for child-safety if you are living in the snowy, frozen areas of the world.

THIS article came across my desktop today – it raises the question if children should wear helmets when they are sledding.  What?! “I went sledding without a helmet, and I turned out fine,” I can hear the protesters crying right now.  I would like to think when we know better, we do better.

Actually, the CDC (HERE) and the State of New York (HERE) both have current guidelines that call for helmets if you are sledding, snowboarding, or skiing with children.  A news station in Daytona has published THESE guidelines that don’t call for helmets.

  • Sled down in a feet-first position.
  • Make sure there are no obstacles, especially at the bottom of the hill.
  • Dress your children in layers
  • Make sure their hands and feet stay dry (to avoid frostbite)
  • When the temperature is around freezing, make smaller children come in for a break every 15 minutes.

While these are practical tips, they don’t account for the fact that once your child sustains a head injury, the damage is permanent.  If it was me and there was any chance of our children suffering a head injury, helmets would be part and parcel of our snow gear (assuming we ever spend time in the snow!!).

Another consideration for cold weather residents – safe car seat practices.  Here are some starting points for you to do your research from Consumer Reports and The Car Seat Lady.

What are some of your winter safety tips for families with young children?

Tuesday Tips: Shopping Local

I discovered two more amazing local stores that I wanted to share with you.  If you are not in the Phoenix area, you can still #shopsmall because both of these stores have on-line shopping options.

Here are two toy stores that carry a huge variety of imaginative play, learning toys and books. Both offer  gift wrapping, and parking and getting in and out of their respective shopping centers was pretty easy.

The Doll House & Toy Store
Promenade Shopping Center
16447 N. Scottsdale Road D115
Scottsdale, AZ 85254
480.948.4630
http://www.azdollhouse.com/
BLOG spf doll house

Kidstop
6990 East Shea Blvd.
Suite #103
Scottsdale, AZ 85254-5208
480-609-9012
http://www.kidstoptoys.com/
BLOG spf kidstop

Here is a find from a babywearing event I attended in Phoenix.  I started by buying her shaving “zoap” – another personal product we wanted to  “green”.  Totally addicted!!  If you want to give the gift of natural, vegan  cleanliness, check out
ZOAPS!
http://www.zoaps.net/

Totally addicted to the shaving zoap! Excited to try out the facial green tea zoap :)

Totally addicted to the shaving zoap! Excited to try out the facial green tea zoap

And another local favorite that is running a 20% off your whole order promotion for at least one more day:
http://store.weiofchocolate.com/
Coupon Code: Wei2Share20

Image from their site - click to jump over there.

Image from their site – click to jump over there.

Need more ideas for gifting?  Check out our #shopsmall #shoplocal list HERE

I hope you and your Sweet Pea(s) are enjoying the days of December!  Be sure to check out our listing on Sweet Pea Births for upcoming events throughout the month!  Lots of holiday ideas – many of them free or low-cost.

Tuesday Tip: Holiday Gift Edition + Toddlers

Despite my husband and me being very anti “stuff” and rarely buying new toys for the toddler in our life, he somehow ends up accumulating things nonetheless – with the help of friends, grandparents, etc. I know this is the case with most people I know and with the help of my own toddler I recently discovered the perfect low key, not-going-to-break-the-bank, “non stuff” gift for toddlers this holiday season… the gift of song.

caspar_babypants_sing_along_album_cover

My almost 21 month old has been obsessed with his songs lately, in the car, in the stroller, during evening dance parties and I found myself playing the same Raffi songs over and over (all available here). I looked to my trusty group of Arizona mama friends for some toddler music inspiration and have compiled all of their answers below! CD’s, digital downloads, or a Spotify gift card are all awesome ways to spread some toddler entertainment this year 🙂

Elizabeth Mitchell

You Are My Flower

You Are My Sunshine

You Are My Little Bird

Sunny Day

Little Seed

Blue Clouds

Dan Zanes & Friends

Rocket Ship Beach

Family Dance

Catch That Train!

Little Nut Tree

Renee & Jeremy

A Little Love

C’Mon

It’s A Big World

Octopretzel

Octopretzel

If I Were A Song

Caspar Babypants

Baby Beatles!

I Found You!

Hot Dog!

Sing Along!

This Is Fun!

More Please!

Here I Am!

Kimya Dawson

Alphabutt

They Might Be Giants

No!

Here Come the ABC’s

Here Come the 123’s

Barenaked Ladies

Snacktime

Trout Fishing in America

See all of their CD’s here

Various Artists

For The Kids

For The Kids Too!

For The Kids Three!

Are there any other children’s artists or CD’s that you and your kids love?? Let us know!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday Tips: Heart-shaped Apple Snacks

Does anyone else out there like to shake it up a little and keep things “fresh” for their Sweet Peas?  I do.  However, our fun has to be fast and easy.  Here is a fun way we have been enjoying apples.

BLOG tt apples.1

I have been using a heart-shaped cookie cutter from William-Sonoma to make these fun mini-hearts for our kiddos to snack on.  Served fresh, you can pair them with spreads (our favorite is the Cocoa Almond spread from Trader Joe’s), dips, or cheese.

Here is how we do it.  I included the ruler size because I am a doubter.  When someone writes a recipe or makes a video and tells me they used 1/4″ slices, I want to know if they are guessing, or they really mean it.  No guesswork involved for our friends:

First, slice an apple into 1/4″ rounds.  BLOG tt apples.3

The diameter of the apples that yielded double hearts from one slice were 3 and 3/8 inches in diameter.  These were Jonagolds that we bought from Costco.BLOG tt apples.2

Now that we have the OCD part out of the way, here comes the fun stuff 🙂  The how-to is under the pictures, in the captions.

Make star-centered hearts by centering the shape cutter on the apple.

Make star-centered hearts by centering the shape cutter on the apple.

To get two hearts out of the same round, start by placing the wedge of the shape cutter over the stem of the apple.

To get two hearts out of the same round, start by placing the wedge of the shape cutter over the stem of the apple.

BLOG tt apples.6

Then move the shape up and cut your second heart.

You can serve them plain, or with a spread, dip or cheese:

BLOG tt apples.1

Or, you can add cinnamon and sugar and serve them raw:

BLOG tt apples.9

Night Owl’s favorite way is to have “hot apples” – he loves them warm out of the oven 🙂

Charger was my big helper on picture day - he helped brush them with melted butter, and then we sprinkled them with our cinnamon-xylitol blend.

Charger was my big helper on picture day – he helped brush them with melted butter, and then we sprinkled them with our cinnamon-xylitol blend.

BLOG tt apples.10

These were baked for 10 minutes in our 350 Fahrenheit convection oven.

From start to finish, the raw version takes about ten minutes.  The hot apples took about 30 minutes to prep with little hands help, and then 10 minutes in the over.  We snacked on the scrap edges while we were prepping, and saved them to munch on throughout the morning.

I think this kind of project is perfect for Sweet Peas who want to help in the kitchen, especially on big cooking days like Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter.  It’s enough for them to really help, without taking a chance at inadvertently having one of your major dishes altered in a way that may test your gentleness when you are feeling “perfect” pressure.

It also makes a delightful Sunday morning treat.  The “hot apple” version is great for cooler weather.  I can see us doing this with different shapes as the seasons change.  Why buy guilty gummy treats infused with chemicals and questionable ingredients when you can turn apple slices into fun shapes?  Who says that fresh can’t be fun??

As you may have noticed, this treat is also gluten-free.  I can see us making these to take along when we go out to dinner, party, etc., and we want to ensure our kiddos get a “safe”, yummy treat.  It’s simple enough that we could bring enough to share, and also budget-friendly so we could do so without straining the wallet.

I hope you enjoy making these with your Sweet Peas.  Leave us a comment and let us know how you added your own moxie to the idea 🙂

Tuesday Tips: An Au Natural Holiday

No, we are not running around the house naked – although I admit, you will see an occasional  naked baby bottom streaking through the house!  The title refers to today’s blog post, written as part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering 🙂



Welcome to the November 2013 Carnival of Natural Mothering!

This article is a part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering hosted by GrowingSlower, Every Breath I Take, I Thought I Knew Mama, African Babies Don’t Cry, and Adventures of Captain Destructo. This month’s topic is Incorporating Natural Into the Holidays. Be sure to check out all of the participants’ posts through the links at the bottom of this page.

November 5, 2013: Incorporating Natural Into the Holidays
As we approach the holiday season, it is easy to get swept up in preparations and anticipation. How do you bring your natural lifestyle into the holidays with you? Whether it’s eco-friendly party prep, special treats that are also healthy, traditions that involve aspects of nature, or the natural techniques you use to stay calm and focused during the busy months ahead, we would love to read your stories and suggestions that focus on all that relates to a natural lifestyle during the hustle and bustle of the holidays.

Ahh – the holidays.  I am fascinated that the season of celebrating “holy days” is also the time when we can get the most frazzled, the most frustrated, and the most hurried.  It is pretty much exactly the opposite of keeping things sacred and holy!

The most important thing I try to remember is the “reason for the season”.  Is it really important to have the best looking and tasting food, the prettiest house, the most presents; if along the way you have forgotten to be kind to others, most importantly, your children?  For a lot of us, striving for perfection layers on added stress, guilt and pressure.  By extension, we lash out at the little people who are still needing our attention outside of our huge lists of things we need to do to: shopping, cleaning, preparing, hosting…those lists go on and on and on.

There are several things I have learned along the way that help me to be more intentional and peaceful during the season of hustle and bustle.

1. Breathe.  That simple act can make a simple and profound difference.  Before I don my cape, I aim to take five deep breaths as I start the day, reflecting on the intention of that day.  I no longer carve out time for a full yoga practice in the morning…now I simply use the deep breathing techniques I learned, and I review my mantras.  I want to be sure that Peaceful Mama shows up for my kids this day, not the Crazy Mama who yells her way across the day.

2. Flower Essences.  I can’t say enough about these amazing Lotus Wei elixirs.  We discovered them a few years ago and we will be forever customers.  I keep them next to our bathroom sink so that I can breathe in peace, love and joy every time I wash my hands.  A.Ma.Zing.BLOG lotus photo

3. Simplify.  I read an article this summer that talked about what kiddos remember the most about summer vacation: ice cream and the beach.  What?! That’s easy!  It’s so easy to discount the simple things while we focus on “going” and “doing”.

I think this concept of simplicity is perfect to apply to the holiday season as well.  Sit down with your partner and identify what it is you want your children to remember about the holidays.  Better yet, ask them what their favorite part of the season is, and see if you can incorporate it as often as possible into your days.

Things to consider if you want to simplify your list – how many events will you attend in a weekend?  How can you plan your days so that you do things with your children, instead of for your children?  Do you have family traditions you want them to learn, and if so, how do they become a part of them instead of having them done to them?

4.  Let Go.  Things are transient…I don’t know if our children will remember how perfect I made things. I know they remember that I was frazzled and stressed through the holidays.  Instead of trying to do it all, we pinpoint and do the meaningful things that grow us as a person and as a family.

5. Have Fun.  When I listen to our children, it seems to me that we have forgotten one important aspect of childhood:  they are in it for the fun.  Nothing gives me greater joy than hearing their laughter, or hearing their excitement at all the beauty of the holiday season.  So while we write our lists, do our shopping, make our meals, I try to be mindful that all they want to do is have a good day.  In my mind, a “good day” means feeling loved, sharing a laugh, and having fun.  I would rather not get it all done, and instead put “doing” off for another day so we all enjoy the “living”.

So what does that look like in action?

The breathing and the flower essences mean that I turn down my volume.  When I get stressed, I get loud, and that only serves to scare our children.  That is definitely not what I want them to remember about the holiday season!!  Being mindful of my intention to “make memories” instead of “doing things” helps me to focus on the big picture of wanting the holidays to be full of peace and joy.  To me, this mindset is more in-line with the promise and the hope that was delivered in the manger in Bethlehem.

It also means we take time to read holiday stories, sing holiday songs, and make holiday cookies.  We choose to spend time with our children, each other as partners, and our family.  I think when most of us look back, what stands out is the time with our loved ones, not the gifts they gave us, or the meals that they cooked.  We strive to make the prep time as important as the actual event we are preparing for.

For us, this meant letting go of hosting two holiday parties every season.  We cut our guest list to make the one event we do host more meaningful.  Instead of staying up all night on Thanksgiving night, we hire someone to do our decorating now, and it gets done over a 3-4 day period.  That lets me sleep, which is a much better choice in the long run.  If we couldn’t afford to hire someone, we would do less.  We made that choice with our outside decorating – now we do our own lights, again over more time and with a less ambitious approach.  Less is more, right?  And, it is so fun to have our kiddos showcase “their” section of the yard they decorated.

As they get older, we invite the children to help inside the house as well, and they take ownership of that holiday tradition with pride.  We use artificial trees, which saves a tree.  We use them until they are “Charlie Brown” style to be mindful of the environmental cost of production.  Again, we are not striving for perfection.  To them, it is all wonderful and beautiful.  Letting them place ornaments and other decor where they can see them and enjoy them has become more important than having the perfect show house.

Another “natural” choice we make is to give edible gifts.  Again, the goal is to reduce “stuff”.  Here is a gift everyone enjoys, and food can be wrapped creatively without adding to the mounds of packaging that will be thrown out or recycled.  If we don’t make the treats ourselves, we shop local at a farmer’s market for yummy treats to give to teachers, friends, family, or as hostess gifts.

We also go “au natural” through the holidays by giving back.  Although we all enjoy giving gifts, we also incorporate a charity into every season.  This was a tradition started by our families that we are passing on to our children.  We read through the holiday gift catalog from organizations like Heifer International or World Vision.  We read about parts of the world where people do not live like we do, and the kiddos choose gifts from those catalogs to give to their grandparents, who are in a phase of life where they are paring down.  I think we will start doing this for them to choose gifts for each other as well – we are all toyed out over here!

How do you incorporate natural living into your family’s holiday season?

Bloggers, visit GrowingSlower to sign up to be a part of next month’s carnival.

Tuesday Tips: Positive Discipline

Just in time for Tuesday Tips are my notes from last week’s Attachment Parenting playgroup.  We talked about the idea of “Positive Discipline”.  There was a mom at the meeting who has started a couple of AP groups here in Phoenix – once I can get the links to the internet groups she started, I will post them.

So what is “Positive Discipline”?  I think that some folks think that Attachment Parents are “absent parents” in this area since we make a conscious choice not to use physical discipline with our children.  Why are we opposed to spanking and hitting?  The core belief is that we respect our children as whole, complete individuals.  It is a criminal offense to hit another adult, and we take the view that even more so a defenseless child.  The goal is to raise self-directed individuals who make healthy choices because they want to and they know how to, not because they are afraid of us or the consequences that we mete out.

What does the research say?  As with many things, you can find studies that support your view.  One of our students who is a researcher at ASU shared some studies with me that support spanking, and other research that supports not spanking.  She shared these sage words: there are bad parents that don’t spank, and there are good parents that do spank.  So does spanking make a difference?

When I asked a friend of mine why she didn’t spank, her answer changed my view on the meaning of discipline forever: A big person spanking or hitting a small person is never acceptable – it is always violence and an abuse of power.

There are a couple of things positive discipline is not:

  • It is not manipulation or bribing.  Manipulating statements tend to sound like this, “If you____, then I _____.”  Having preconditions on behavior sets up a precedence for incentive based behavior.  These kinds of interactions are missing trust.  The other thing you don’t want to instill is fear: what happens if I don’t take the bait?
  • It is not ignoring the behavior and never addressing the child’s actions.  While it is sometimes prudent to ignore a naughty word choice just in case your child is doing it for attention or the thrill factor, ignoring behaviors that hurt or injure others is not being AP.  It would be neglectful and disrespectful of the other people being hurt by your child’s choices.

The three main components of AP discipline are Prevention, Distraction and Substitution:

  • Letting your child explore safely letting them explore, be close, do their own thing
  • Use time in vs. time out
  • Empower and respect
  • Understand the unmet need
  • Work out a solution together – be proactive
  • Have a “yes” environment
  • Discipline through play – act out the better choices with dolls or puppets
  • Change things up – “Change your state” by changing your environment
  • State facts rather than making demands
  • Avoid labeling
  • Make requests in the affirmative
  • Allow natural consequences that are age appropriate
  • Use care when offering praise
  • Offer your child choices
  • Be sensitive to strong emotions – what else is going on?
  • Consider carefully before imposing will
  • Use logical consequences sparingly and with compassion
  • Understand the difference between acting out and developmentally appropriate behaviors
  • Give loving guidance to needs and the temperament of each child

What are your child’s developmental milestones?  Here are a couple of sites that I use:

  • Find good info at Zero to Three (Their sleep info isn’t what we follow, however, developmental info is pretty good.)
  • Another great resource that is generally spot-on with our parenting choices is Aha! Parenting by Dr. Laura Markham.  Her website has developmental milestones and resources for parents from birth through the teen years.  I have a feeling I am going to be wearing a “virtual” beaten path to her site as our family grows 🙂

What does AP discipline look like in action?  AP parents want to connect with their children, so we use words to direct behavior.  The example was a child who is learning to use scissors and wants to cut everything besides paper.

  1. Tell your reason:  “I can’t let you cut the carpet because…”
  2. Ask them to tell you why they shouldn’t be doing something, or tell them why if they are too young to use words.
  3. Ask them to tell you what is an appropriate choice, or offer one if they are too young to act out or verbalize an appropriate choice: ” If you do not want to cut paper right now, I can let you cut the grass – should we go try using scissors outside?”

The “biggie” in any family or playgroup is hitting.  How does an AP parent want to handle that?

  1. Talk to your child before intervening: “I can see that you are getting frustrated.  Can you think of some words to use with your sibling/friend?  Or maybe you want to try playing something else (or: by yourself, come sit with me for a minute)?”  Hopefully that is enough to get them to make a different choice and avoid a physical expression.  If it isn’t…
  2. Comfort hurt child first: “I am so sorry (s)he hit you – (s)he didn’t use their words – are you okay?”
  3. Don’t force an apology: “When you are ready, I would like you to say you are sorry for hurting them.”  Having it be their choice usually gives yields an immediate, or at least timely, apology.  You want it to be their choice, instead of adding to their frustration by having another interaction in which they feel a loss of control. 

What if you mess up?  Apologize – Reconnect – Rebond
You can read about one of my very worst days this summer HERE. Although it was painful as it happened, and very embarrassing to write about, I shared it in the hopes that it will give you courage to forgive yourself if it happens to you.

I will close with an on-line resource that I also like to read over to remind myself of the positive discipline “tools” in my “toolbox”.  Head on over to Positive Parenting Connection and see what you think.

What are your go-to positive discipline tools?