Category Archives: Thoughtful Thursday

Thoughtful Thursday: Nursing a Toddler

So Otter is now comfortably and officially wearing the “toddler” name.  She is 28-months old, and she is a good size for a two-year old.  We are fast approaching her “half-birthday” as some people call them, and I have to stretch my comfort zone to keep nursing in public.

Up to this point, the oldest child I nursed outside of our home has been no older than two.  When I was pregnant with Otter, Charger and I came to the agreement that I would only nurse him at home.  Although I restricted the place, I didn’t put restrictions on how often once it became apparent that he had no interest in weaning.

Otter hit the two-year mark back in October.  I started telling her, “Let’s wait until we get home,” to get very strong resistance…and when you are sitting in church with a family of six, already sticking out like a sore thumb in our Episcopal church, the last thing we want to do is draw MORE attention to ourselves…and Episcopal churches don’t generally have crying rooms…and our children like to sit in the second row next to the choir loft…so I would nurse her to keep the peace all around.  And, I am okay with nursing – I like all the toddler benefits of nursing so I do not necessarily want to wean at this point.

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So here we are, well into the twos…and there is still no sign of wanting to wean.  Up to this point, she has always been fed “on demand”.  I am now at the point when I want to start setting boundaries.

These are the expectations I am starting to voice out loud, with the intention of having them set in peacefully, without having a tantrum (either one of us!):

  • You are a bigger girl now – I want you to wait until I am finished doing schoolwork with your siblings.
  • You are a bigger girl now – we will start waiting until we get home to nurse.
  • You are a bigger girl now – you can play, do a puzzle or read a book until mommy can sit with you to nurse.

I am trying to give her options that still say “Yes” to nursing while still starting to teach her that I am not a 24/7 milk bar.  While I had no challenge with that in the newborn, or even the 1-year old phase, I am starting to feel like she uses nursing as a way to get attention, or to take attention away from her siblings.  She also plays little games when she is nursing, which make it very hard to do anything else except pay attention to her.  So, big lesson as I am writing this…we need to start doing one-on-one activities that do not include breastfeeding!

By the same token, I know I am not ready to wean, especially her.  Breastmilk is still a bioavailable food source, still chock full of nutrients for a toddler.  It is still a way for us to connect.  I will definitely miss the breastfeeding chapter when it’s over.

Most importantly to me, both of our nurslings are still getting anti-bodies and immunities when they are fighting viruses or bacteria.  As a matter of fact, last week Charger was bugging me to nurse more often one day, and trying to be a good wife and honor my husband’s wishes that he be done nursing, I said no.  I felt terrible when he woke up throwing up the next day.  A few extra nursing sessions that day and he was back in good form the following day.  And, we are back to our once a day, if and when it happens, nursing schedule for him.

I know I can’t nurse them back to health forever, however, I will probably think twice about denying either of them the next time they want to nurse more often than the current status quo.  Or, maybe, just pump or express in Charger’s case so that he can still get breastmilk although that would miss the exchange of information from his saliva to the breast for the immunities he needs…I don’t know.  I will figure it out if and when we get there.

I could definitely use some pointers – this is new territory for me.  What have you done to set boundaries with your nursing toddler?  Or maybe you don’t?  Tell me more…

Thoughtful Thursday: Mirrors

I have been really struggling the last few weeks.  I have less patience than I ever have for people who do not think about their words and actions, and how they affect our children.

Current Pet Peeves:

  • Projecting insecurities on the children.
  • Treating them as second-class citizens simply because they are smaller.
  • No thought that to children, callousness and forgetting or changing commitments are hurtful.
  • Did they completely forget their own childhood?

I keep telling myself to let it go.  To breathe.  To pray.  I went on a lot of walks while we had guests for the holidays.  Yet, I know I am still holding on to “it”, because I am irritable and not traveling in as much gentleness as I know I am capable of.

My “light bulb” moment happened this morning.  One of Puma’s spelling words is “mirror”.  Watching her spell it, I caught my breath.  Have you heard the saying that the things that bother you the most are probably things that you are doing or that your don’t like about yourself?   That word made me stop and realize that I needed to be introspective, and take a hard look in the mirror.

So I wondered:  Am I so short-tempered with people who can’t treat our children with kindness because I am still struggling with living that every day?  Am I unforgiving because I need to forgive?  Is this so hard for me to see because it is an “in-your-face” reminder of how hurtful I am when I am not gentle, kind, patient or compassionate with them?

Hmmm.   YES.

I can see now that I really do need to let it go.  I am not going to change anything with anger or forced smiles.  I am not going to teach our children anything if I am sullen and angry around the behavior that bothers me.  If I want them to be loving and compassionate, I must also be loving and compassionate, even when it is difficult.  The instant I feel offended for them, I need to forgive, and be compassionate for the pain the people around us are walking around with.

Most of all, I need to remember how much I dislike it when our children are belittled, teased, or talked to with impatience.  That our words are precious.  It is such a lesson for me.  I want to remain present and walk with love.  Always – no matter what else is going on in our day.

It looks like my answer was in the mirror.

Can you help me?  Do you have any tips, mantras, or pointers to let go and forgive others?

Thoughtful Thursday: Taking Time

As you may have gathered if you have been following the blog for a while, our AZ Sweet Pea Family consists of four children.  Our holiday calendar is as full as yours probably is.  How do we make time to connect with each child individually through this busy season?

There is only one way:  take the time.  There is no such thing as “extra time” when it’s a regular time of year, even less so during the holiday season.

The first suggestion is a freebie: share a hug with your children every day.  Not just a little pat on the back.  I mean the kind of hug you have to be grounded for so you are not knocked down.  Then look them in the eye, tell them that you love some, and maybe even something you appreciate about them or noticed that they are doing well today.  It is not a lot, however, that moment of connection every day can be enough to keep everyone connected when you are all pulled in many directions.

I would go far as to suggest that it would be a great idea to do the same with your partner.  One of the hallmarks of giving is spending.  The kind of spending that goes on around these particular holidays can be very stressful on a couple with the best of relationships.  So, also take time every day to connect with your best friend, and keep the lines of communication open.

The next five suggestions can take as much or as little out of your wallet as you deem appropriate.

Shopping date – One of the ways we make time to connect with each Sweet Pea individually is to take them out to shop for their siblings.  We get to talk about the family, evaluate what a good gift is for that particular person, encourage giving, and talk about a budget all while enjoying time with one kiddo.

Craft date – Another way to carve out individual time or family time is to craft together.  You can take a trip to the craft store to pick their craft, and then take time to make it together – even a few minutes a day.  You could pick a craft to decorate the house, to use as gifts, or just something fun to use as a stress relief through the season.  Some toddler friendly crafts if you are going for a family craft night are projects that involve glue with pom poms or buttons, stickers, or markers (think the wood crafts that come with the pens).

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Holiday Cards – These are a fun project – add in some popcorn and hot chocolate to enjoy after the project is complete for holiday bliss!!  Taking an evening to sit around the table together to sign cards (with actual names or their drawings if they aren’t writing yet), decorate the envelopes with stickers, affix the address labels (if you use them) stick the stamps on the corner over the “x marks the spot” – there are lots of ways to make an assembly line and involve all the Sweet Peas.  They may not be the prettiest cards you have ever sent, however, they will definitely stand out from all the “perfect” cards, and be an awesome memory for your children that they will look forward to next year.

Holiday Event Date – We are so lucky in the Phoenix area that we have lots of Nutcracker productions to choose from.  This year, I took the older Sweet Peas to the Ballet Arizona production (because I *love* the ballet), and it was a treat for them to get out for their own “Big Kid” night.  Conversely, we take the littles out for a Mommy/Daddy date during the day when the nanny is there to watch over the older Sweet Peas.  It is a so easy to go out with two kiddos at a time – overall time spent getting in the car/traveling is less and we get a lot more face time with the set we are with.  We also do “girl trips” and “boy trips” – lots of ways to combine them for a 1-to-2 outing 🙂

Party Date – Another way to take pressure off the season is to only attend parties with the non-nappers.  That way you don’t have to wait for nap times, you don’t have to worry (as much) about meltdowns, and again, you get one-on-one or less-on-one time to talk in the car and listen to them as you drive.

I would love to hear what you do to carve out time to spend with your little Sweet Peas throughout the busy holiday season.

Thoughtful Thursday: Prioritizing

I read THIS blog post in the morning, as I was going through our twitter feed.  Here is an excerpt:

“But seeing the messy house, and walking around the cluttered rooms, and feeling exhausted still bothers me. Just because I choose the most important things, doesn’t mean leaving the less important things doesn’t suck. Just because in 20 years I will be glad I read those bedtime stories, doesn’t mean tomorrow I’m not going feel irritated that I haven’t had 10 spare minutes to change the sheets on my bed in weeks. Just because I prioritized, doesn’t mean I feel happy.

But we’ve all been told this is the path to happiness. This prioritizing and focusing is supposed to be a magic cure-all for feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. So when we still feel angry that we’re running downstairs naked because all our clean underwear is in a basket in the living room, we feel like we’re failing. And when we walk by the trash can that’s overflowing and starting to stink and want to cry, we feel like we’re doing something wrong. And when we desperately wish we could zone out in front of the tv for 10 minutes instead of listening to a Level 1 I Can Read book for the tenth time, we feel like a horrible mom.”

Here is what I want to say to this mom…

First of all, I want to send her a big hug.  I can feel her frustration, her pain, her loneliness.  If she was my friend, I would start making sure our crew brought over meals once a week.  If she wanted company, great!  We would stay and offer an adult conversation.  If not, us gal pals would drop off dinner for her family, fold a basket of laundry, and be on our way.

This is the other thing that I think we all need to hear.  YOU CAN change your routine and still be a good mom.  You CAN change your priorities for a day and your children will still remember that you read them a story every night at bedtime.

If the basket in the middle of the floor, full of laundry is driving you crazy, if the pile of stuff is making your head spin, deal with it.  Prioritizing yourself into misery isn’t serving you or your family.  Her children may be too young to help with laundry folding…so here is another idea.  You have lots of laundry baskets in the house?  Instead of a bedtime reading story, throw all your laundry somewhere where you can fold it.  At the same time, put the laundry baskets on the floor and do a living story…let all the kiddos get in their “ship” and tell you where they would go on an adventure, or narrate an adventure for them…have them sail the stormy seas (shake the baskets around and make storm noises), have them pitch the anchor, have them tell you what they discovered once they landed on firm ground….I think you get the point.  The laundry gets folded, the “story” happens, and you can reclaim your baskets afterwards to get the clean clothes back into the right places.

If we take a breath, and take a minute to think outside of our routine, we can probably come up with different ways of organizing our daily routines so that the goal of spending quality time with our children can jive with our basic needs and expectations of ourselves/home/etc.  We can consider/ try to remember routines can be malleable and fluid when we need them to be.  They do not always have to be set in stone, never to be broken.

Does anyone else get so caught up in being the perfect mom that we forget to keep in touch with our needs?  It is possible to be Krystyna, meet our family priorities, and still be a Good Mom that didn’t read the story, and didn’t do bath time.  What I did do is meet one of my basic needs (deal with “whatever else is important to us” – for me it’s clutter) and still be a good parent.   I would propose that we are even better equipped to deal with another long day ahead of us tomorrow, because our spirit is more still for having dealt with whatever was irritating us that wasn’t getting done.

I send big hugs to all the mamas out there that have been in The Hard.  The overwhelming feeling of wanting to do it all and not enough hours in the day to be everything to everyone.  The piles that seem like they are never going to go away.  They do…and so do the kids…so this is my approach: just live each day for itself, adjust priorities for that day, and remember that this is just my reality “for now”.

To quote another awesome mama, “You are a good mom.”

Thoughtful Thursday: Incorporating Humor

Laughter is the best medicine, as the saying goes.  I think it is so important to work that into our daily lives with our children.  We know that there are many benefits to laughter…one would think that it is a no-brainer to do it every day.

How can you work humor into your day?  With an infant, you can make silly noises, faces, movements – it’s fun to see what your child will find amusing.  As they age, a toddler can get in on the action and join in all the silliness.

Once your child starts reading, maybe consider getting some joke books, or read out loud to them in silly voices, or you can act out scenes that they would find humorous.

The hardest time for me to work in humor is when I feel my ire rising or I am already angry about something (kiddos aren’t listening, they keep being physical instead of being gentle).  It is so important to remember in these moments that our children are that – just children.

When I feel my anger rising (usually because I feel the pressure of time), and on the days when I am in a good space (more often than not – especially when I remember to start the day with good, deep focusing breaths) – it is really easy to work in humor.

Instead of yelling, I ask, “Who wants to see my crazy face?!”  The act of redirecting my emotion, making that crazy face, and hearing our children’s laughter, helps me to re-set my emotions.  Now I am in a good place to ask for what I want to happen, instead of barking out instructions like a drill sergeant.

I still want to try to be more mindful about laughing more as a family, especially after re-reading the benefits as I looked for a link to share with you.  I think we will start the day with a good “silly face”session before school.

How do you use humor in your home?  Do you have any tips or tricks to share about using humor to redirect behavior?

Thoughtful Thursday: Fears

Did you catch these pictures yesterday?

BLOG ww 918 spf O&A.9 BLOG ww 918 spf O&A.7

 

 

Otter could not get enough of this friendly little snake, called a Rosy Boa.  I felt a little better knowing that this was a snake who had already reached it’s full size.  It took everything in me to get close to take pictures…OMGosh my skin was crawling and my tummy was doing flips and still, I wanted to contain my scream and encourage my children in their safe exploration.

It turns out that I learned this fear…did you know that we are only born with two fears?  We are born with the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises…makes sense that those are built into our DNA as survival mechanisms.  Everything else we are afraid of, we learned to be afraid of.

I tucked this little factoid away in my management days…I was always looking to learn new information about how to inspire people.  Now I have four wonderful people who I want to inspire to live life to the fullest…and I have to set my own fears aside so that they can explore, learn and grow in their world.  I did tell them how brave I thought they were to be petting so many snakes (there were three there and they touched all three of them!!!)

On a side note, I was so glad to hear the presenter tell the children that even if they thought the snake was friendly, never to touch or attempt to pet a snake in the wild.  We will be driving that lesson home since we have a “pet” snake at our summer house.  It’s actually a king snake that burrows near our home, and I am happy to let him have his space since he eats rattlesnakes.

They could tell I was afraid.  After thinking about it, I really need to come up with an answer besides, “I don’t like snakes.”  I am teaching them fear and prejudice with that answer.  While I know some fears are probably considered “healthy fears”, I do not want to teach them one that hinders their exploration or respect for other living creatures.  I was thinking I can say something like, “Snakes make me feel uncomfortable.  Mommy is so glad to see you exploring, though. I think you are so brave.  Thank you for showing me I do not have to be afraid.”

So, another parenting lesson learned and filed away for our next Animal Encounter experience.  We will be going back next month, so I will have a chance to get it right!

What do you think?  Do you have any fears that you do or do not want to teach your children?  How do you handle those situations??

 

Thoughtful Thursday: On Being “That” Mom

me taking the 1,456th pictures of my son & I, can't get enough of him!

me taking the 1,456th pictures of my son & I – can’t get enough of him!

 

 

Happy Thursday! Today I thought I would share some random thoughts about mama-hood that are always bouncing around my head. Specifically about stereotypes and being “that” mom.

The mom that always gets funny looks & sideways glances, at the park, at toddler classes, at the museum, at restaurants. I am definitely “that” mom.

“That” Mom whose child always has snot/drool/etc. on his face

T gets a runny nose with every set of teeth that come in, it has happened every single time since his first set at 5 ½ months. I know it is due to his teeth and sometimes even progresses to a cough. Read more about that here. I know he isn’t “sick” and I follow his cues on if we need to stay home, take it easy, or go about with our normal activities. In addition to that, I try really hard every day to respect my son’s body and space. I allow him to wipe his own face and recently his dad taught him to blow his nose, yes it is not as efficient as me holding him and doing a rough swoop to get everything but when/if it bothers him, he knows how to take care of it himself.

“That” Mom who is always super late

Living on a toddler‘s timetable is a foolproof way to never get anywhere even remotely on time. T likes to take his time: waking up, getting dressed, eating, going to the bathroom, going to sleep, walking, pretty much everything. He needs natural, organic transitions from one activity to the next and we have a much more harmonious relationship when I provide that. Both of us are happier and working together and it makes for much smoother, calmer days. Do I sometimes feel like my entire life is dictated by what a very small human feels or wants right then? Yes. Is it hard to deal with sometimes? Yes. But in reality, that is my life. Right now, my entire days revolve around facilitating my son’s journey; it is a very short period in what I hope to be a very long life for him, so yes, he most often decides when.

“That” Mom who always has stuff on her clothes

Yes, I am a mess everyday. I walk and bike where we need to go and am often sweaty. I always sit on the ground with my son and inevitably get grass, dirt, dew, you name it, on my clothes. My son is also a “nibbler”. He has food out all day long (and snacks when we are out and about) and alternates between playing and eating and checking in with me for a hug, kiss, pick up, nursing and whatever is on his hands always ends up on my shirt, pants, or in my hair. If it’s not that, it’s one of the above that is now a permanent stain. At a point in the future, parenting will be much more hands off, and maybe then I will manage to keep myself clean. I parallel it with the quote by Mary Randolph Carter that “A perfectly kept house is the sign of a misspent life”. My clothes are definitely representative of all the “living” we have done that day.

‘”That” Mom who treats her toddler “like a baby”

I wear my son in a front carry most places we go. I am almost always hugging him, cuddling him, kissing him, or just rubbing his back while he sits in my lap. He sleeps in our family bed for naps and nighttime. I nurse him whenever he wants and if he wants my attention or me close by, I give it to him. He amazes me almost daily with how much he knows, understands, comprehends, and observes for someone so young. He is definitely a little person of his own, and far from having the dependant nature of an infant that only knows being close to mama, breastfeeding, and touch, but he still enjoys those things, and in my opinion, at this point they are nothing but beneficial. He will grow up and be his own, independent being, but as of now he has only been on this earth for 17 months of what will hopefully be 100+ years. In the grand scheme of things, he is still a baby.

“That” Mom who is always talking about her child

Being a mama is my job right now, and I take it very seriously. So yes, I pretty much only talk about my work. And yes, I can tell you are not that interested but it’s my life and it is pretty all consuming for me. I also am just so obsessed with my son; he is the best.

“That” Mom who never tells her child no

I was explaining “gentle hands” to T after he was hitting me the other week and another parent I was talking with commented, “Gentle hands? Does that actually work? Doesn’t he know what ‘no’ means?”

I choose to always explain why or how we do things with T. Regardless of whether or not it is most effective immediately, I believe it is the right way to interact with him and will yield the most positive behavioral results in the long run.

It has been a crazy journey thus far, but as of now I have really embraced what kind of mama I am. I find myself being less and less self conscious about all of the things above as time passes too. Mostly, it has been a lesson for me in not judging, not labeling, and not isolating myself because some people choose to do things differently. No matter what kind of mom I am, I am trying my hardest everyday and that is all that matters. Funny looks, comments, and my own insecurities aside, I try to remind myself of that as often as I can.

There is also no greater feeling than being surrounding by other mamas who support, uplift, and laugh with you no matter *what* kind of mom you are that day. Finding our tribe in Arizona was invaluable to me that first year, we are still working on finding our perfect place here in California <3

Share your thoughts with us! How do you see yourself in your role as mom? How do other people see you? Has being a mom made you less prone to judging others?? I love hearing other mamas stories and perspectives!

Thoughtful Thursday: Accepting the Present

T & I attended our local La Leche League meeting last night and had a great time, as always. It left me with a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head, which I thought I would share with you all for Thoughtful Thursday!

The topic was weaning + nutrition, which ironically enough was what I had a million questions about at last month’s meeting. One of the great leaders directed me to this wonderful book then, which I immediately checked out from their lending library and had the entire month to read, ponder, and realize what is right for our family.

One of the other mamas there was extremely frustrated with night nursing and her 15 month old, and was sharing how she was determined to night wean ASAP.  She was tired, needs to be up early for work often and just needed something to change big time. My heart went out to her, that is usually me, with my ongoing struggles of breastfeeding / being a mama in general.

I felt different this month though; lately I have been trying to accept the present for what it is, just the present. Not a product of what we have done in the past or a foreshadowing of what things will be like in the future, just what it is, today. When I start thinking that by nursing all day and all night and sharing a bed with T since birth it has made him a light/difficult sleeper, or that by nursing so frequently at 17 months I am hindering T’s socializing, or that if I am still nursing on demand now T may not wean until 4 or 5 years old, I can start to drive myself CRAZY.

Nursing is so controversial; there is so much information, so many opinions, and even more so when it comes to nursing + sleep or nursing + toddlers. Maybe that is why I am always struggling, always analyzing our breastfeeding relationship to try and change behaviors?

Breastfeeding is without a doubt a lifestyle choice; just like choosing to be a responsive or positive or empathetic or attachment parent. It takes work, dedication, sacrifice, and it will not always be easy. But it is a tool, a tool to provide nourishment and comfort. Sometimes T needs a hug in the middle of his play, sometimes he just wants to be picked up, sometimes he wants to read books, and sometimes he wants to nurse. I don’t question when he will stop “needing” hugs from me, and I am no longer questioning when he will stop needing to nurse. I do not always want to read “Oh The Thinks You Can Think” or “Put Me In The Zoo” or “If You Give A Moose A Muffin” 27 times in a row, but if I can, I do, and that is the same way I have been thinking about breastfeeding. If I can, I do.  If we need to make a change, we do, until we are in a better place. If we have a bad night, we stick close to home the next day and just take it easy, and try again the next night. If T needs to nurse 12 times throughout the night, he must be going through something. If he is nursing 12 times every night for quite awhile, then it must be something that nursing isn’t solving, so we will try some other things.

Everything changes so quickly with small children I have realized, and although this would have seemed crazy and overwhelming to me when I had an infant, up until even a few months ago, the present is all I ever needed to be concerned with. T will need things today that he may not have needed yesterday and may not need tomorrow. I am here to meet those needs as best I can, breastfeeding is just one of many tools I have to do so.

taking a break in the forest for some milk (:

taking a break in the forest for some milk (:

Focusing on the present day and the dynamics and workings of my & T’s relationship right now has made a world of difference in my outstanding questions, worries, and frustrations surrounding breastfeeding. It definitely lends itself well to other parenting challenges too and I hope to be able to keep these thoughts and “accepting the present” mantra handy for all kinds of situations.

Did anyone else struggle with breastfeeding “decisions”? When to wean, night wean, stop nursing on demand, etc? Do people ever tell you your son or daughter’s sleep/social/eating habits are because of breastfeeding or extended breastfeeding? We would love to hear your thoughts and stories!

 

TT: Breastfeeding and Eating Habits

Thoughtful Thursday:  Did you know that breastfeeding naturally establishes healthy, life-long eating habits?

A little deviation from all the beautiful MotherBabys we have been sharing with you as we ruminate today!  Have you seen THIS article in the New York Times?  It prompted today’s post.  Here is an excerpt:

“A 2007 study, published in Appetite, revealed that 85 percent of parents attempt to get young children to eat more at mealtime using praise, food rewards and reasoning. Another study, published in Pediatrics this May, showed that more than half of parents asked their adolescent children to eat all the food on their plate, while a third prompted their kids to eat more even when they stated they were full.

This isn’t about pointing fingers at parents. After all, getting children to eat all of their meal was a necessity for most of human history, when food was scarce. Children didn’t have the luxury of taking only a few bites or skipping a meal, because the next meal wasn’t certain. But today, we live in a food-plenty environment in which the next meal, snack and eating opportunity is certain and bigger than ever. Despite this reality, children are still born with the ability to regulate their food intake. Unfortunately, research shows controlling feeding practices, like “clean your plate,” negatively affect food regulation skills as children age.”
NYTimesBlog: Motherlode – Adventures in Parenting
“Saying Good Riddance to the Clean-Plate Club” by Maryann Jacobsen
August 2, 2013

Did you know that breastfeeding naturally keeps a child’s “empty/full” satiety meter working?  A MotherBaby with a working supply and demand mechanism makes enough milk to meet all of the baby’s daily nutritional needs.*  Breastmilk is delivered in the quantity that a child needs.  How it works when a child is nursing for nutrition: once the child is full, (s)he stops nursing, and they move on with their day until they are hungry again.  As they grow and start solids, they can follow that same “empty/full” mechanism that works.  The chances are very good that when they say they are full, they really mean it.

Thanks to parental instinct, and then the La Leche League meetings on “Weaning and Starting Solids”, we have never forced our Sweet Peas to finish eating the food on their plate. We offer healthy food and allow them to choose what goes on their plate.  The standard is a protein, a veggie and a carb choice for their lunch and dinner meals.** If the kiddos have food left on plate and are asking for dessert, we’ll say that if they have room for dessert, they probably have room for two more bites. Two bites and a dessert later, plates are cleared to the sink with no drama.  And sometimes there are no more bites and no dessert, or two more bites and no dessert…whatever happens, we want the children to feel like they are in control and that they are honoring their bodies.

When the kiddos do leave a full plate, as parents we try to remember to make it the next snack and/or next meal. While we don’t want to force food, we do want them to honor the fact it represents work to provide it and work to prepare it for them.

This system works for us, although I get a lot of grief from the grandparents about how we feed our children.  It was nice to get confirmation from another source that we are not totally screwing up our kids, in this area, anyway!

What do you think?  Are there any food wars at your place?

*Did you have a hard time making milk for your baby?  Did you have to feed your baby formula?  I am so sorry.  This post is not a judgement on your inability to breastfeed your baby.  I wish you were blessed with a wonderfully supportive lactation consultant who taught you to feed the baby first, and that they helped you with formula feeding to keep your baby’s inborn satiety mechanism intact by recognizing feeding cues.  It was probably so hard to throw that expensive formula down the sink!  If you did have a great LC, please leave her or his name in the comments so that other mamas can use them should a need arise.

**How the “Bowman Buffet” works in practice:  There are always two protein choices because I am a vegetarian and Bruss is a carnivore.  As for the vegetables, there is a constant supply of freshly peeled and sliced carrot sticks because those are a kiddo favorite, and there are always greens in the house – so they can pick carrots and/or salad.  When it comes to carbs, we offer today’s freshly made selection or a reheat of yesterday’s leftovers.  Buffet!!

Thoughtful Thursday: Nursing in Public

We are giving a new blog feature a try.  Here is our first “Thoughtful Thursday”: Reflections on things that have worked for our family

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is breastfeeding in public. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!

Thanks to the efforts of groups like the Breastfeeding Café, more mothers who breastfeed know it is okay to feed their hungry babies wherever and whenever they are.  I have been the beneficiary of all the groundwork laid by groups that are hard at work to normalize breastfeeding.

Here are the tips that helped me gain confidence as a breastfeeding mother who fed her baby outside of the home, as well as some that I have seen our Bradley Method® students use successfully:

  • Attend a La Leche League or other support group meeting so you can see what nursing looks like.  You will see people nursing lots of different ways, and maybe you will see a style of nursing that looks like it will work for you.  There are nursing covers, nursing shawls, nursing ponchos, nursing wear that lifts up, tank tops with easy access, the list goes on.  You will see mamas ditching it all and simply lifting their breast out of their shirt and offering it to their nursling…seeing it in action may help you decide what you want to try first.
  • Go out with your partner or a friend the first few times you nurse in public.  Especially as a new mom, it’s very stressful to have your baby crying, feeling like you can’t move fast enough, and you are all slippery-fingered from sweat and “flusteration” (flustered and frustrated at the same time!).  Your support person can help you get organized while providing moral and physical support, reminding you that you are not alone.
  • Find out where other nursing moms go because they have found them to be baby/breastfeeding friendly.  Your local mamas will know who has a nice lounge in the women’s room (Nordstrom’s near us has one), or where to go where there are changing tables and comfy chairs (i.e., IKEA family restrooms have a room separate from the commode, Babies R’Us nursing rooms).  Check in with the mamas at the support group and they can probably rattle off a list of shops, restaurants and other businesses that you can go without feeling intimidated.
  • Travel as a pack with your mama tribe.  One MotherBaby pair is easy to pick on.  Two women will give someone who is thinking of saying something pause.  Three or more MotherBabys in a group and I am guessing you will be left alone, especially if one or more of you are nursing your baby as needed.  You also have a trusted companion to keep an eye on you (nothing showing that you don’t want showing as you NIP) or your baby (maybe you need to use the ladies’ room) as needed.
  • Know your rights as a breastfeeding mama under the law (click HERE for a state by state look).  Forty-five states* in the US have laws on the books that protect your right to breastfeed wherever you are lawfully present.  Some states take it even further and put fines in place so that anyone who harasses a breastfeeding MotherBaby is held accountable.  If you are approached, kindly inform the messenger that you and your baby are lawfully present as you are.  Would they like to be reassigned to a different section (i.e., if you are at a restaurant), or would the complaining party like to be relocated?
Do you have a business card to hand someone who questions your right to breastfeed? If not, contact me and I will send you one.

There is no such thing as “lawfully breastfeeding”. The question is, “Does this state protect my right to breastfeed with law(s)?”

When I look at what is most important about this topic is for mamas, I believe it is to be liberated from nursing in their car or the public bathroom just so that they don’t offend anyone.  Especially new mamas who are already worried enough about what they are and aren’t doing right…a basic necessity like meeting hunger needs should be easy and carefree for them.  As a society, we need to grow up and just let them nurse already, without having it become a major news story!

Closing thought:
You do not need permission to breastfeed somewhere.  It is a human right for a MotherBaby to feed and receive nourishment in accordance with Nature’s design.

What is your tip that has helped you with breastfeeding more confidently in public?

* Idaho, Michigan, South Dakota, Virginia have protection from indecency laws, but there is nothing that specifically allows a mother’s right to breastfeed at any public or private location.  West Virginia has nothing on the books in regards to nursing in public.

 

Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.