Category Archives: Parenting

Tuesday Tips: Tablets

You may be looking at the chart above and laughing your pants off.  Am I crazy?? What are we supposed to do without our little digital babysitters when we need to get things done??

The chart is from THIS article on the Huffington Post that gives 10 reasons why hand-held devices should be banned for children under the age of 12.  WHAT?!?! Now you are calling me names.

The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood was on my radar a few years ago…after reading today’s linked article on screen time, plus a recent study out of Taiwan that the blue-light from smartphone screens change our children’s eyes – literally…we will be getting more involved with their Screen-Free week (May 5-11, 2014).

Seriously, we gave Puma a tablet for Christmas in 2012…so we can’t go back and take it away.  We do ask her to do certain things before she can use it every day, and after reading this article, I am going to have a tablet collection at night and ask the Sweet Peas to earn their time with them, making a more specific effort to limit time.

We are also in the habit of allowing Night Owl and Charger time with two other tablets we have in the house…boy, is their world going to be rocked when I limit their time even more!

I know it is not for everyone, and we all have our reasons why tablets serve our needs.  We try to remember to ask our children to do these things we ask our children to do to earn “tablet time”.  Basically, all these things “should” be done before they can use their devices:

  • Complete their schoolwork
  • Practice their piano pieces
  • Practice dance/tumbling
  • Walk the dogs

What I am going to post up on the wall as alternatives to “tablet time”.  We are definitely instituting a new expectation that time is limited.  Once the timer rings and their time is up here are some options:

  • Sensory bin
  • Play with their toys *gasp*
  • Play with modeling clay
  • Play outside on the swing set
  • Play outside with balls
  • Set up and run an obstacle course
  • Painting with finger paints or water colors
  • Draw/cut/paste
  • Read (to themselves for the ones that can; be read to if they are learning)

All the alternatives we have mean that we have more interaction with our children.  We are setting-up and/or supervising, and even engaging with them…all the things we lose when we hand them a tablet and ask them to go away so we can do whatever we are doing (on our computer, tablet or smartphone?).

It will mean I have to be a better time manager so I can be available to them and not on the computer when they are awake.  It will mean getting Coach Bruss on board so that we are a united front on limiting screen time.

Where are you with this whole screen time thing?

What do you do with your Sweet Peas if you are limiting screen time?

Lessons in What Really Matters

I watched a couple of video clips this morning that really left me thinking about what we are doing as parents.

1.  Children really DO learn everything that they see.  

I watched THIS video early this morning.  It really convicted me that I need to strive to be at my best every minute that I am in front of them.  To that end, I need to do the things that work so I can be at my best every minute: pray, breathe, reflect, and remind myself why I am important and why they are important.

2.  Our daughters are getting messages about their image and their self-worth every time they see women portrayed in the media.

It is so hurtful to hear Puma say she doesn’t want to be part Mexican – she will only claim her Puerto Rican heritage.  Not a big surprise given the way the State of Arizona vilifies people of Mexican descent.  This moving (and short!) speech by Lupita Nyong’o offered a great starting point for the conversation about what is really important about beauty.

“You can’t “eat” beauty – you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you.  What actually sustains us, what is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion: for yourself and those around you. That kind of beauty inflames the heart and enchants the soul…And so, I hope my presence on your screens and in magazines may lead you, young girl on a similar journey. That you will feel the validation of your external beauty, but also get to the deeper business of being beautiful inside.  That, there is no shade in that beauty.”

You can watch the whole speech HERE.

3. Partnership is important.  

Have you seen the 25 “rules” for mothers raising sons from blogger Tabitha Studer?  It has been loved and hated all over the internet.  While I agree with most of them, I feel like the things I do just can’t beat the example that their dad sets for them.  He is hard-working, dedicated, a leader and demonstrates that he loves all of us with his words and his actions.  That example is something our sons can learn from and model themselves after every minute of every day.

As far as impacting all of our children, our partnership sets the example our children will have as a baseline when they choose partners.  I will praise him in front of our children more often, instead of at the end of a long day when we are both falling into bed.  They should hear how he is loved and appreciated by me when we are all awake.  I also want them to know that we are team, and that teamwork is a worthwhile and rewarding endeavor.

What really matters to you when you think about the impact you want to make on your child’s life?

Thoughtful Thursday: Identity Crisis

We all know them – are them – have been them…the parents who post pictures of their children non-stop.  Here is an excerpt from one mama’s admission and explanation (emphasis mine):

 I share my pictures because, like every mother on the planet, I think my kids are adorable (no, but really mine *are* adorable). I share because, as pathetic as this sounds, the attention is validation of sorts. I can’t get A’s anymore — and forget about being recognized for my achievements (like getting my son to pee before leaving the house — why is this so hard?!) So what do I have? “Likes” and comments about how cute my kids are.

I share because my pictures tell stories about our daily lives and our adventures. I share because my pictures create a dialogue with other people.

And perhaps the biggest answer is that I share pictures of my kids because spending time with them is what I’m doing with my life.

Written by Jen Simon for Kveller.com – excerpt from The HuffPostBlog

While it’s a lovely and honest explanation for her behavior, I implore parents to remember who they are at their core. We owe it to ourselves, first and foremost, to preserve that identity so that we can care for others from a healthy place.

Whether you work at home or away from home, do you know who you are?  Do you know what your core values are?  Are you living them, and would your children (or anyone else) be able to name them based on your actions?

I invite all parents, whether you are at home or away during the day, to shake things up.  Who are you?  And then be honest: if you are living for your job or your children, think about changing that.  It has been my experience that remembering our “core” selves keeps us from making decisions that are harmful to our psyche.  Choices that are aligned with our values keep us from sabotaging our lives.  From here on out, I am going to continue with children as the main focus…feel free to replace that word with whatever is your major focus right now if it is not your child(ren).

Burying our value under or behind our children is at the very least, stifling, and it may only get more oppressive as time passes.  We submerge ourselves underneath our children.  We pretend that life is perfect.  We forget who we are as we talk ourselves into the idea that “this” is what we are doing with our lives.  What if “this” turns into living with regret, guilt, dwelling on lost opportunities?  These emotions may manifest themselves later, in emotions such as anger (rage), depression and other disorders.  Those things do not benefit us, or our children.  And so begins the crack in the dyke.  Unchecked, the tide of destructive behaviors ends up hurting the sweet little children we use as tools for validation from our peers.

HERE is honesty from a woman named Isabelle who was not true to herself.  This mom who “gave it all up” shares her legacy: she is not happy about her choice, and you hear regret about her life.  How many other parents feel that way?  I bet we can all think of someone.  What it is like to hear that raising children was not worthwhile, and that the lost time can’t be replaced?  They are loved, albeit in an interesting way, that is for sure.

I admire Isabelle’s commitment to raise the children she agreed to bring into the world.  She saw her role as personally giving them the best start.  That is a noble commitment, to parent out of a moral obligation to do well by them.  In addition to that, I strive to parent our children with love and respect.

As part of parenting them with love and respect, I want to honor them as their own people, separate from me.  I saw myself turning into “that” mom who over-shared.  I made a conscious choice that I had to have an identity outside of my children because I have worth apart from them, and they have worth apart from me.

While I treasure the time with our children, I have come to realize that spending time with them is not what I am doing with my life.  I am living to nurture children who can become compassionate, creative, critical thinkers.  My commitment is to create a learning environment for them, not being validated by them. My life is also fostering a setting that inspires me to be better, do more and grow so that I can be the best parent I can be for my children.  I want to meet them where they are.  I can only see with clarity if my own lens  isn’t being smudged or filtered with buried regrets or resentments of all the things I am not doing because I “have to” take care of them.

I would like to think that those of us who parent with good intentions want their children to be happy and successful.  For myself I wonder, how do I teach them to create their own happiness, value themselves, their autonomy, and their personhood if mine is non-existent?  I propose that we need to actually be happy, not just pretend to be happy in cropped and filtered social media snapshots of “perfection” that garner “likes”.

I encourage parents who find their identity and seek validation from their adorable children to take a minute to reflect.  Why is that important to you?  Can we find *you* on your social media, or just your children?  Aren’t you worth remembering?  Are you doing something to be proud of outside of your children?  If not, consider digging around to find out where you went.  If you want your children to be strong and independent, show them how to be autonomous.  If you want them growing up with a healthy respect for humanity, show them a human worth respecting for their individual value.

It is possible to be a good parent without losing yourself in your child.  It is possible to have social media accounts that are not covered with pictures of your child.  If you have an extended family stretched around the world, maybe you could consider a “secret” group (facebook) or a private blog or webpage that is password restricted.  That way you can keep a private online record for family to follow without compromising your child’s right to create their own persona.

Beyond that, you are worth it.  You deserve to find your passion and live life to the fullest, with children that make the living even more enjoyable because you have wonderful souls to share and journey with as you live.

A little postscript from the woman who decided to run a contest to increase submissions for wordless wednesday…feeling slightly hypocritical…still, food for thought:

I want my children to learn that they have a voice, and I want them to have the freedom to create their own identity.  I came to the realization that if I post pictures of them from the time they are born until the time when they are no longer living under our roof, I have created their public persona.

We are starting to hear that schools and employers ask for access to a potential employee’s social media accounts.  We know that technology can identify faces electronically.  That means that in the future, anyone can form an opinion about them based on my portrayal of their person.  That frightens me, and it is also sobering.  They deserve to define themselves.  It is their right, not mine.

Personally, I make every effort to only post pictures that are in side or back profile.  If there is one especially amazing photo that shows their full face, I ask permission before sharing.  And if they say, “NO!” or “no”, then I do not post them.  I have recently taken that position with the #wordlesswednesday submissions – if multiple photos are submitted, I will choose the images that demonstrate the theme and reveal the minimal amount of the child’s identity.  It will certainly make me think twice about the themes I choose going forward.  While I believe that images help normalize attachment parenting, the tricky part is that breastfeeding and AP necessarily involve a minor.  Hmmm.

Aha! Parenting & Seeing Dr. Laura Markham

A couple of weeks ago I heard that Dr. Laura Markham was coming to the town I live in, Pacific Grove, and would be speaking at the charter school just down the street from my house.

dr laura markham

I knew I had to go because 1) seriously this is such a small town and being so close (but-not-so-close-when-you-have-a-toddler-and-one-car-and-a-million-logistics-to-consider) to Santa Cruz and the Bay Area I was actually kind of shocked at how convenient this venue was for me and 2) Dr. Markham’s blog & then book have been a sound resource for us for quite some time. We have talked about her website on SPF before and I also read her book as part of a mama book club back in May.

dr laura book club

follow us on Instagram @sweetpeabirths!

I bought my ticket & headed out alone Tuesday night, Moleskine and pen in hand. It was a great talk + Q&A and even though I already really liked the Aha! Parenting site and the book I enjoyed Dr. Markham much more in person and was so glad that I went. I will try to recap most of what was discussed as best I can below!

There were three key takeaway’s Dr. Markham wished for everyone to remember:

“You always have the power (as the parent) to calm the store or blow it up into a tornado”

“Parenting is only 10-20% guidance and 80-90% connection.”

And the parenting “sweet spot”, empathetic limits.

parenting graphic

              

“You always have the power (as the parent) to calm the store or blow it up into a tornado”

In order to be able to help or calm a difficult situation with your child Dr. Markham recommends that you first need to regulate your own emotions.

>> Don’t take it (whatever your child is doing/saying/etc) personally.

>> Remember you are the role model.

>> It is not an emergency.

>> Stop. Drop. Breathe

>> Don’t act while angry.

When a huge tantrum is taking place, a road map for how to react would look like this:

Calm yourself (Stop. Drop. Breathe.)

Admit your contribution to the incident (were you distracted & not listening to your child? talking back aggressively or rudely to them? being dismissive?)

Connect with your child (stop what you are doing, look him/her in the eye, hold him/her, etc.)

Empathize (understand his/her perspective). You have to actually care about your child’s point of view and needs in that moment.

Set a Limit (we don’t yell/kick/talk to each other like that no matter how upset we are).

Help him/her work through their upset.

“Parenting is only 10-20% guidance and 80-90% connection.”

Because children will not accept guidance without connection. Even if you respond to your child with compassion and empathy in the moment it won’t work if there isn’t more 24/7 “preventative maintenance” connection between the two of you.

Connection Power Tools 

*empathy

*roughhousing & laughter

*special time: one-on-one, uninterrupted, unstructured time that is directed by your child

* time- in’s – holding space so your child feels safe to work through their emotions, they need to either cry or laugh to make themselves feel better during/after a tantrum or meltdown. They may not want you to physically hold them but being right there will allow them to know you are present & available whenever they do need you.

All emotions and needs your children have are ok, we should allow all feelings, it is just some behavior that may need to be limited. Emotions drive behavior, so in order to change behavior we need to help them with the feelings that are actually driving the undesired behavior. Once they can manage their emotions they will be able to manage their own behavior. Which leads us to the next topic…

The parenting “sweet spot”, empathetic limits

Dr. Markham does not teach that being as connected with your child as possible means having low expectations of them. It is actually high expectations that will help teach them and give them opportunities to practice self discipline. She does not believe in punishment or imposed consequences, bribes or yelling as a way to achieve desired behavior.

Punishment does not work to improve behavior because it does not address the underlying cause of what is driving that behavior, your children will only learn to lie to circumvent punishment, act out in other ways, and not learn to self regulate or self discipline. Self discipline is the act of giving up something you want for something you want more, and in order for this to develop we need the repeated experiencing of having to chose, in order to “practice.”

It is also beneficial to empower your child to repair. Instead of punishing them, work together to come up with a way to “right” the behavior. Many children, especially strong-willed ones, are experiential learners. They have to *want* to do something, and arbitrary consequences made up by a parent will never appeal to their personal integrity.

How to Enforce Limits:

> Get in your child’s face in a friendly way

> Empathize/ Give Wish Verbally (“I know you want to keep playing and I bet when you are older and live on your own you will always play straight through dinner and not eat, but in our house we all eat together so right now it is time to stop playing and eat with us.”)

> Side step a power struggle by giving choices

> Invite cooperation with playfulness

> Ask her/him to help to solve the problem

> Let them discover natural consequences

Dr. Markham also talked a bit about how human emotion works and that most often we “stuff” our emotions down into our body rather than experiencing them. This manifests as a myriad of health problems: stress, disease, etc. and research has also shown the same affect on the body for people who yell regularly. By allowing our children to “feel” we help teach them that emotions are normal and safe. Crying in children has shown that it helps them to heal, reduces anxiety, and builds resistance. Giving them a safe place to cry, in or out of our arms, and not distracting them from it are all extremely helpful in the long run.

It was a very informative, fast paced, two hours, and although this post attempted to pull it all together in a digestible form I really encourage you to check out her blog or book for more examples and further explanation.

I do find that a lot of the techniques are not as easily applicable to toddlers, especially non or less verbal ones.  A lot of these practices are based on “age appropriate” expectations and gauging what is or is not appropriate for your specific child. I had hoped to ask Dr. Markham if she had any reccommendations for resources that were helpful in understanding more of what is age appropriate for 2/3 year olds not yet talking much but didn’t get a chance to as there were a lot of questions and I needed to get home for T’s bed time (: This is definitely my next avenue of exploration though, maybe it will warrant it’s own follow up post! That being said, even though I feel like there is only so much T & I can actually work together on (he will be two next month and only uses ~5 words) I feel like these ideas and tools have helped lay a great foundation for me. I am able to practice the self regulating techniques, I can “talk it out” with myself even if T isn’t comprehending as practice, and I have to say I have gotten pretty good at surrendering the “power” and side stepping struggles that don’t actually matter.

Does anyone have any other insight to share regarding punishment, natural consequences or enforcing limits emphatically? Do you enjoy the Aha! Parenting blog? I would love to hear from anyone with older children as my parenting experience thus far is limited & I have always found the subject of emotional regulation very fascinating!

Monday Musings: I am

Do you know who you are?  Do you know what your core values are?  Do you know what your purpose is in life, apart from the people that you are providing for and taking care of as your “job” or your “role” in your family?

I am working on a piece called “Identity Crisis” for Thoughtful Thursday this week.  I think that all of us need the reminder that it is okay to think about yourself first – you must be in a good space to wear all the hats that you wear on a daily basis with a smile. Not the one that is just pasted on the space between your chin and your nose.  I’m talking about the genuine, really beautiful smile that resonates deep down from the heart level.

So I leave you with the big question for self-reflection until Thursday:
How do you answer the question “I AM A/AN….”, if you are not allowed to use your “title”? (mom/dad/husband/wife/partner/job title not allowed)

Be sure to check out this week’s listing of FREE family events around the Phoenix, AZ area on our SPB blog, and remember that this Wednesday’s theme is “Babywearing: Give me a kiss to build a dream on”.

CONTEST!!
In order to motivate you to scroll through your picture gallery and send us an email, each picture that is featured is equal to one entry! I will be drawing a winner using Random.org.  Numbers will be assigned in the order that picture submissions are received, and we will draw a winner on Wednesday evening that will be announced when the post is published.  Winner gets a choice of a water bottle, a baby onesie, or a toddler tee from our shop on Cafe Press.

Email your submissions to sweetpeabirths@gmail.com, along with a statement that we have permission to share your image(s) on social media.  Thank you!

Monday Musings: Moving Past Anger

Sqaure A+E
We hosted a bonus class for Bradley students to meet our chiropractor on Saturday. Since our lives have been immeasurably enriched since we started chiropractic care. we invite him to share the benefits of chiropractic care with our students. As a Bradley™ dad, he also has some amazing tips on coaching back labor. Since they involve physical manipulation of the sacrum, we leave that info to the professional!

And then – the reason why he is a “bonus class”. He is a wealth of information on all things parenting and life. On this visit, he really stressed the importance of emotional health and well-being in the partnership before the baby arrives to have a better birth experience. He also shared that the stress level of the caregiver affects the immune health of the child.

As we seek to improve interpersonal communication, recognize that anger is unmet expectation.

Simple. It is not about you. It doesn’t need to spiral.

“You had an expectation – what did you want to happen?”

Whether you ask it of yourself, your partner, your child, or whoever it is that is angry, you have inserted a place for a breath. The answer to that question is something we can do something about. Or maybe it the start of a conversation than is long overdue.  Be it an action or a dialogue, maybe both, steps can be taken that remove the anger and restore the peace.

I am so looking forward to this new tool in our communication toolbox!

Do you think this could work for you?
If you already  have a “breathing space” question(s), what  works for you?

Tuesday Tips: Cultivating Exercise

BLOG ww spf 130925.3This article is a part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering hosted by GrowingSlower, Every Breath I Take, I Thought I Knew Mama, African Babies Don’t Cry, and Adventures of Captain Destructo. This month’s topic is Movement. Be sure to check out all of the participants’ posts through the links at the bottom of this page.

Prompt:  It is so important for us moms to be physically active and to cultivate that in our kids. Important but not easy! How do you make time movement or exercise? How do you encourage it for your kids?

Dance has been part of my life since I started taking lessons as a child around three or four years of age.  The easiest way to get our children moving has been by sharing that love with them.  Regardless of gender, as soon as they are old enough, our children are registered in a combo class at the dance studio.  If their level of interest increases, then we encourage them to enroll in more classes.  If not, we continue with once a week for their combo class that includes tap, ballet and tumbling.

In addition to dancing in their classes, we usually get a nightly dance show of some kind.  The Sweet Peas put on their music, plan out a playlist, and set a performance order.  After a brief rehearsal, my husband and I are called in to watch the evening entertainment.  These occasions are completely organic – we have never had to ask them to do this.  It just started happening on it’s own and has now become an almost nightly after-dinner tradition.

We want ALL our children to take advantage of the benefits of dance: learning rhythm, moving in opposition and in sync, the confidence, the carriage and the sense of movement and space that comes from learning to dance.  I am saddened when I hear mothers say their partners would NEVER let their sons dance.  They are missing out on a great opportunity, and chances are that if they really have a bug for it, they will find their way to it eventually.

We are equal opportunity dancers in our family because both my husband and I enjoy dancing – it’s how we met in the first place!  As a ballroom dance instructor, some of my best students were professional or amateur athletes who came in to learn to partner dance.  It has long been known that some male athletic teams enroll their players in ballet classes to improve their balance and coordination.  We have no issues with our sons enjoying dancing and tumbling as much as our daughters.

Another way we add movement to our day is by walking our dogs.  That is something we could stand to do more often!  Since we have a decent-sized yard, it is not at the top of the list when our days are full.  I know I need to move more so that I can shed the extra fluff I put on growing babies, so one of my intentions this year is to get back to a “walk a day” habit.  It provides a great opportunity to breathe in fresh air and have some one-on-one time with our son that likes to walk his dog when I take out our other four-legged friend.

We also practice yoga – another “before kids” habit we have shared with our children.  We go to classes or we practice in our home.  We are so fortunate to have a studio that offers children’s classes near our home.  We want the Sweet Peas to participate because of the way yoga strengthens the body, and because it teaches about breath and harmony.  That deep abdominal breathing, reflection and introspection that are part of the whole yoga experience are a great foundation for dealing with stress in a healthy way.

As far as tying movement into our homeschool day, we have a dance break or create obstacle courses to break up the sitting and listening time.  When we do an obstacle course, we set them up inside or outside, depending on the time of day and the weather.  I think of the old Sesame Street™ song, sung by Grover when I set up the course: Over, Under and Through.  The older kiddos like to help set these up. We encourage their creativity by putting out the elements and then have them design the run.  We use things like a tunnel purchased from IKEA, chairs, stools, exercise balls, laundry baskets, cones, tables (inside) and a baseball bat/tee (outside).

Our Sweet Peas are also enrolled in swimming lessons and horseback riding…and soon, we are adding sports to the repertoire.  Our goal as parents is to expose them to as many different ways to move and exercise so that they can find their own favorite for a lifetime of enjoyment.

Parenting wisdom tells us that the best example the Sweet Peas can learn from is one that they see.  I commit to being active by working out three mornings a week with a trainer who comes to our home.  If I didn’t have him there, I know I wouldn’t work out because there is always something to occupy the time.  My husband is much more disciplined in this area – he will get on the elliptical machine a few times a week without needing someone to show up at the door.  We also go out on walks together on the days that our schoolwork is done and his work is done before the nanny has to go home.  Now that our children are older and I don’t have a round-the-clock nursling, we have started going out dancing again, too!  One of the styles we enjoy is Argentine Tango; going to the milongas (tango dance) is a family activity in Argentina.  We have started teaching the Sweet Peas and some day soon, we can all go out and do that together as a family.

BLOG ww 131016.5 tango

When they ask why we exercise, we tell them it is so that we can stay healthy to see them grow, and meet their children someday.  For me, movement it is not about losing weight.  I was not healthy as a dancer because I wanted to be a certain size, and I don’t want our children to have any negative associations with food and exercise.  I want our children to know that we will love them in whatever shape they grow into.  My primary goal is to teach them to love movement because their body needs it to be fit, be healthy and to stay strong.

Monday Musings: Slow Down

Slow down – Look your children in their eyes everyday – childhood is fleeting…

This is the gist of what *is not* an original mantra today…I just saw this and wanted to share it with you just in case you haven’t discovered the artist’s page on facebook – you can place an order there if you want to hang this lovely reminder to slow down every day:  https://www.facebook.com/slowdownmummy1

Ironically, I had a day today where I did slow down.  As I have started a calendar/organizer system again, I look at the day and week ahead at night before I go to bed.  I knew that today, we had to get Puma ready for her field trip with her grandparents, so we had to get an early start to her schoolwork.  I didn’t have any anxiety about letting Night Owl have a longer playtime after breakfast because I knew he and I would have some one-on-one time this afternoon to get his reading done.  I knew that this is a day when we are not having to leave the house until 6:00 pm for our activities, so I would have all day to do school with them however it happened, and get writing done.

Oh.My.Gosh.  It was awesome.  Besides a lovely school day with all the Sweet Peas, I did a puzzle with Charger – just he and I.  Otter wanted to do two puzzles…and we did those, too.

Now…to figure out how to do that on days when I haven’t looked at the schedule the night before, or how to do that when the days are beyond full.  They are the most important thing to me – I know that deep in the core of my being.  Time after time I am reminded that they will not remember what I did when they look back at their childhood – they will remember the time we spent together.

I wish I could make every second precious, make every second count.  I wish I was uber-crafty or a gifted baker, or that I loved to spend hours in the kitchen, and still get our schooling done.  Although I am not those things right now, I can do what I do best – read to them, play with them, and remind them that they are loved.

How do you carve out time to spend with your Sweet Peas?  
Do you feel like you have a good system in place to care for them and get the rest of what you “do” done?

If so, please share!  I still have a pile of mail that needs attention…

Thoughtful Thursday: Mirrors

I have been really struggling the last few weeks.  I have less patience than I ever have for people who do not think about their words and actions, and how they affect our children.

Current Pet Peeves:

  • Projecting insecurities on the children.
  • Treating them as second-class citizens simply because they are smaller.
  • No thought that to children, callousness and forgetting or changing commitments are hurtful.
  • Did they completely forget their own childhood?

I keep telling myself to let it go.  To breathe.  To pray.  I went on a lot of walks while we had guests for the holidays.  Yet, I know I am still holding on to “it”, because I am irritable and not traveling in as much gentleness as I know I am capable of.

My “light bulb” moment happened this morning.  One of Puma’s spelling words is “mirror”.  Watching her spell it, I caught my breath.  Have you heard the saying that the things that bother you the most are probably things that you are doing or that your don’t like about yourself?   That word made me stop and realize that I needed to be introspective, and take a hard look in the mirror.

So I wondered:  Am I so short-tempered with people who can’t treat our children with kindness because I am still struggling with living that every day?  Am I unforgiving because I need to forgive?  Is this so hard for me to see because it is an “in-your-face” reminder of how hurtful I am when I am not gentle, kind, patient or compassionate with them?

Hmmm.   YES.

I can see now that I really do need to let it go.  I am not going to change anything with anger or forced smiles.  I am not going to teach our children anything if I am sullen and angry around the behavior that bothers me.  If I want them to be loving and compassionate, I must also be loving and compassionate, even when it is difficult.  The instant I feel offended for them, I need to forgive, and be compassionate for the pain the people around us are walking around with.

Most of all, I need to remember how much I dislike it when our children are belittled, teased, or talked to with impatience.  That our words are precious.  It is such a lesson for me.  I want to remain present and walk with love.  Always – no matter what else is going on in our day.

It looks like my answer was in the mirror.

Can you help me?  Do you have any tips, mantras, or pointers to let go and forgive others?

Tuesday Tips: Safe Sledding

This meme is making it’s way around facebook these days – so true for me!  In all seriousness, though, there are some considerations for child-safety if you are living in the snowy, frozen areas of the world.

THIS article came across my desktop today – it raises the question if children should wear helmets when they are sledding.  What?! “I went sledding without a helmet, and I turned out fine,” I can hear the protesters crying right now.  I would like to think when we know better, we do better.

Actually, the CDC (HERE) and the State of New York (HERE) both have current guidelines that call for helmets if you are sledding, snowboarding, or skiing with children.  A news station in Daytona has published THESE guidelines that don’t call for helmets.

  • Sled down in a feet-first position.
  • Make sure there are no obstacles, especially at the bottom of the hill.
  • Dress your children in layers
  • Make sure their hands and feet stay dry (to avoid frostbite)
  • When the temperature is around freezing, make smaller children come in for a break every 15 minutes.

While these are practical tips, they don’t account for the fact that once your child sustains a head injury, the damage is permanent.  If it was me and there was any chance of our children suffering a head injury, helmets would be part and parcel of our snow gear (assuming we ever spend time in the snow!!).

Another consideration for cold weather residents – safe car seat practices.  Here are some starting points for you to do your research from Consumer Reports and The Car Seat Lady.

What are some of your winter safety tips for families with young children?