Category Archives: Parenting

Update + Reflections on Attachment Parenting

UPDATE:
So it’s been a while for me. **Huge** thank you to Cassandra for keeping this little blog alive while I was homeschooling this year!!

I also want to extend my gratitude to all of you have remained loyal readers – we appreciate you.  It is good to know that there are others like us in the world, and that we are not alone on this journey.

Now that we are (almost) on summer break, I have plans. I will be sharing some of the things that we have been doing since the last time I posted in (gasp!) February.  My favorite project from our 2014-2015 school year has been planning our Preschool Playdates.  For the first time in a long time, I got to use my creativity instead of following a course outline from a homeschool curriculum publisher.  If you follow us on Instagram (@sweetpeafamilies), you will have seen the pictures.  As I have more time, I will be posting the pictures here, along with more details and links to the printables that I used.

Here are some random thoughts I want to share with you:

1. It has become painfully clear to me that I am not going to be a super-blogger anytime soon.  I had the opportunity to attend the Birth Without Fear conference in Austin (October 2014) – A.Ma.Zing.  Besides all the incredible information that I received that weekend, I also realized something else: super-bloggers bleed on their pages.  As a person today, I am too private to reveal that much of myself on the internet. I also have serious concerns about what my children and their friends will read about as it relates to our family, so you will continue to see helpful, informative posts that (hopefully) encourage and inspire you as you grow your family.

2.  I have accepted that I have a full-time job: homeschooling our four children.  It was so much less stressful on us this year when I wasn’t concerned about getting posts up two times a week, and then watching the ticker to see who was seeing what…besides the fact that I do not have the time or the interest to keep up with the paperwork that accompanies blogging for income.  For now, I will keep on having blog-envy when I see blogs with slick pages, lots of sponsors and popularity buttons, all while maintaining my sanity for the benefit of our whole family!

3. There are a lot of posts half-written in my mind: mothering, self-acceptance, and toddler tantrums are my top three.  I am looking forward to sharing them with you as our school year winds down and I can use some of that open time to type them in their completed form here.

REFLECTIONS ON ATTACHMENT PARENTING:
For today, I want to encourage you once again in attachment parenting.  We had the pleasure of attending a program at the library with The Singing Cowboy yesterday.  One of his messages to the children was to be kind to their animals, specifically to horses.  The audience was captivated by his horse, who performed amazing “tricks” to the delight of the children.  Some kiddos kept asking, “How do you train him?! How does he do that?”

His answer was that the horse was his friend.  He does not abuse him, hit him, or incite fear or pain – his philosophy is to just have fun with him.  Although it takes longer to train this way, he uses kindness and encouragement instead of pain and consequences.

It was exactly the message I needed to hear yesterday.  If a human being can take this much care with an animal, can we take as much care or more with our children? Aren’t they worthy of our very best efforts every time we interact with them?

The concept of attachment parenting where we honor our children as whole, completely functioning human beings really does take more time. I cannot see a way around that because it is intentional and purposeful; by definition it takes longer.  In some cases, it requires us to exercise self-control instead of instant behavior modication.  I propose that it is worthy and important because we are not training animals – we are raising up human beings, the future of our society.

I have been a little louder than I like to be these days – Peaceful Mama is struggling hard against turning into Crazy Mama.  The summer months are my nanny-free months, so I am not only wrapping up our school year, I am also the full-time cook, laundress and daily housekeeper (Thank goodness we have someone come once a week to help with the cleaning!!).  This year I have the additional task of preparing our beloved summer home for sale, plus the stress of packing or parting with everything we have accumlated here over the last seven years.

Yesterday was the poke at the heart that I needed.  My children are not my friends…they are more than that.  They are the big souls in little bodies that have been entrusted to ME. What an honor to love, nurture and cherish these amazing human beings. In spite of the added stress I am feeling, my Sweet Peas are still children: they have no idea about the stresses I carry or why I carry them.  And I don’t want to them to carry them with me – their lives will get complicated soon enough.

I also need to acknowledge that all the acting out I am seeing these days is a reflection of their own stress about selling our summer home. Three of them have known this place from the dawn of their memory.  I was pregnant with them here, so they have experienced these sounds since before they were born.  They learned to crawl on these floors.  All four of them have shared childhood adventures within these walls.  I am not alone in my anxiety about selling our haven of rest and relaxation.

What I realized yesterday is that we can all have more fun if I can slow down a minute to think about the big picture.  If I can have them help me, I don’t have to bear my burdens alone.  However, it’s not just about getting the chores done – it’s also about teaching them and treasuring our time as a family.

I had already started the week by creating “clean teams” – the two younger children help me with breakfast clean up, the two older children help me with lunch clean up, and then they take turns as “boy team” and “girl team” helping their father with the dinner dishes.  Now I want to add more fun – upbeat music as we clean up, maybe let them come up with team chants that we can use for encouragement and team-building.  I know there are also some laundry games we can play, and the older two can learn to use the clothes washer if I relax about controlling every aspect of doing the laundry.

Next on my list is finding a way to make the packing and parting meaningful to them.  If you have any ideas, please share them in the comment section.

We have the opportunity to create the lives we want for our families.  Let’s make the most of those every day.  While taking the time to add joy to mundane tasks may mean it takes longer, I am going to take it if it means more smiles for everyone involved.

Tuesday Tips: Kindly Saying No

It is one of our great privileges to be an ongoing resource to our Bradley Method® students.  Here is a question that came my way that I wanted to share today:

Hi Krystyna! Help! I’m in need of some advice.  We live in a small town where everyone knows everybody and it’s been great for so many reasons. The problem I’m having is keeping people from giving my kids candy. It happens daily. Sometimes several times a day. At church yesterday I happened to walk up just as my two year old was choking on a piece of hard candy. There are a million old ladies at church with hard candy in their purses. In fact, after a very scary 10 seconds, I was able to get the candy out of his little throat just as another old lady is handing our other son a piece of gum. I just about dropped the F-word right there. How do I, very nicely, tell these sweet old ladies to stay away from my children. Our older son is always asking for candy too, so that doesn’t help. He knows he can get it anywhere. It’s driving me crazy. The lady at the post office today handed them both a lollipop as I was getting the mail. I’m at the end of my rope. Any advice? Thanks!

When faced with situations like this, my first line of defense is humor.  I struggle with seething rage when I perceive a threat to our children, so I have had to learn to laugh first, then respond.

There are a couple of things you can say with a smile:

  • “Oh, you can’t give him that candy unless you are planning on taking him home with you….you know how sugar makes them fly off the chandeliers!”
  • “Stop right there  (Hands up where I can see them, etc.), or I’ll have to call the granny police!  Candy before lunch and he’ll be going to toddler jail!”

The other approach is just a matter of fact if you can pull it off without an angry face:

  • “Oh thank you, we can’t accept that right now – we are on our way to have lunch/snack/dinner and I do not want to ruin their appetite”

My last suggestion is to tell well-meaning gifters that your children are allergic to the ingredients in the candy. Read over this information, and you can probably make a good case that your children are allergic to the dyes in the candy: http://feingold.org/6certified.php

It is a tough place to be when people want to be kind.  I try to remember that they are operating from a place of love, especially in the situation like our student was facing.  By remembering to respond to their love with my own love, it makes it easier to replace my angry face with a smile.

How have you kindly said no to people who are giving your children unsolicited food or treats?

 

 

Why I Won’t Take Sides on the Vaccine Debate

I have been known to mention in our Bradley Method® childbirth classes that the best way for our students to blow up their social media pages is to mention one of these words: “vaccine” or “circumcision”.

True to form, I watched an alumni student’s feed blow up in a spectacular fashion last week. When I expressed sadness over the situation on my own page, and tried an attempt at tongue-in-cheek humor – wow! I had an implosion on my page. It was quite spectacular, really, in the history of my personal social media.

Quick recap to frame this post:

You may have seen the article(s) going around about a measles outbreak that seems to have originated from a contagious individual visiting Disneyland. A friend posted a link to one of those articles on her page. Then it was detonation time as people from both the pro-vaccination (“vax”) and anti-vaccination (no-vax”) camp chimed into the ensuing conversation.

A post I made expressing sadness over the name-calling and bemoaning that there are no easy answers elicited all kinds of new passionate responses, both on and off topic.

Names were called and feelings were hurt. Among those of us who know each other IRL, personal messages were exchanged to make sure that there were no lasting hard feelings.

I learned two things from the situation:

  1. I do not have the stomach or the thick skin required to take a stance on these issues on my business pages, or anything else, personal, really. I had pretty much accepted that I will never be a super-blogger because I am not willing to bleed for the sake of making a name for myself – this was the final nail in that coffin.
  1. The situation validated that I will continue to make an effort to examine conflicts from different perspectives, and to seek lessons from the situations that cross my path. It continues to be a wonderful way to step away from the emotion and see how I can grow.

I will not take sides on the vaccine debate, personally or professionally, and here is why:

  • Both sides claim to have science on their side.
  • Both sides have examples of sick and injured children.
  • Both sides have room to play the “dead baby” card.

The statement, “If you are not willing to sacrifice your child, don’t ask someone else to sacrifice theirs,” holds true for both sides of the argument, doesn’t it? Indeed, we have heard from both sides of the argument…children who experienced life-threatening or lasting complications from the vaccines they received, and children who have been compromised by the decisions of those who choose not to vaccinate. There certainly are no easy answers from where I stand.

Here is what I can and do say about all parenting decisions: Take Responsibility. This is not just my position; it is one of the tenants of what we teach as Bradley™ instructors.

As you start your evaluation process, consider exposure. Examine your family’s exposure and re-evaluate it periodically. Where do you/ your partner work? Are you exposed to a population where there might be a concern that you will bring dangerous germs back to your children? How many people are you exposed to in your daily routines? The more people you are exposed to, the more chance your child has of possibly catching anything, whether there is a vaccination for it or not.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO VACCINATE:

  • Read the package insert on the vaccine you are choosing to have your child injected with. Know the production process and the ingredients in the vaccine, i.e., if your child has an egg allergy, you may not want to vaccinate them with an inoculation that was cultured inside an egg. Also inform yourself of the possible side effects, so that if you see any, you can report them to the your doctor and the federal agency if your country has one (VAERS https://vaers.hhs.gov/index in the USA). Do not count on the information that is available on the Internet or via word of mouth from your friends. While there is a lot of information and you probably have very smart friends, only you can choose for your child. Read.
  • Talk to your pediatrician. Ask them what the vaccination was intended to treat, if it has been effective, and how your child will be cared for if they do, indeed, contract the illness against which they have been vaccinated. Is it any different than if they were unvaccinated? Has the treatment progressed and improved over time?
  • Do you know if your pediatrician accepts patients that opt for alternative vaccination schedules, or decline vaccines as a whole? Will someone coming to the office with an illness affect your ability to care for your child, or attend to work if you and/or your child are quarantined? If you are concerned about their answers, find a pediatrician who practices in line with your beliefs about vaccinations.
  • If your child’s health is compromised due to prematurity, other illnesses, or birth defects, and you choose to vaccinate, do you care if your pediatrician treats patients who are not or are alternatively vaccinated? Again, if you are concerned about their answers, find a pediatrician who practices in line with your beliefs about vaccinations.

It is up to the parent of the vaccinated child to get the answers they need to know in order to make decisions for the care and treatment of their vaccinated child.

 

IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO VACCINATE

If you are not going to vaccinate, you also have parental responsibilities that go along with that choice.

  • You have a responsibility to protect and build your child’s natural immune system. Things that may help: extended breastfeeding, a whole food diet that includes as much organic food as possible. For organic eating without breaking the bank, check out THIS article from WebMD or check out THIS blog post from the Food Babe that offers 75 tips on how to make organic eating realistic and cost effective. You may especially want to load up your child with breastmilk and/or food that is rich in Vitamin A (called the anti-infection vitamin) and Vitamin C (known to boost the immune system).
  • It is up to you to make sure that your personal hygiene is impeccable. Good hand washing is the foundation for better health outcomes. Learn, practice, and teach your children how to *really* wash their hands. HERE is an info page I like from the CDC.
  • If you suspect your child has a contagious illness for which there is a vaccination, and your pediatrician sees both vax and non-vax children, I beg you to make an appointment at the end of the day when you are not going to expose any other patients to those germs. If you have it in your heart, maybe even offer to have the space disinfected after you leave. Also have the courtesy to let the staff know that you suspect your child is experiencing symptoms of a particular disease. You are choosing to be okay with your child building up their natural immunity by experiencing illness and making a recovery. It doesn’t mean that everyone else wants to make the same choice by proxy. Be mindful that even if parents are going to vaccinate, some are cannot be administered until a child is 12+ months old. You could be exposing an infant whose consequences are *much different* than an older child experiencing the same disease.
  • If your child’s health is compromised due to prematurity, other illnesses, or birth defects, and you choose not to vaccinate, are you doing everything you can to ensure your child’s exposure is limited during critical times like cold+flu season, and throughout their childhood when they are building up their immune system? Have you exhausted all alternative therapies (chiropractic care, homeopathy, acupuncture, bodywork, essential oils) to ensure that your child has the best opportunity for a healthy life?

As I learned more about vaccines and struggled with the decisions we need to make around how to choose for our children, a midwife shared some wise words with me when I sought her counsel.  Loosely paraphrased: There are consequences with either decision. If you put something in, you may wish you hadn’t. If you don’t, you may wish you had. Which decision can you live with?  Which one lets you sleep at night?

There are a growing number of families who are choosing alternative vaccination schedules. While this post is written for the “yes” or “no” perspective to vaccines, there are middle roads. Dr. Bob Sears offers an alternative schedule in his Vaccine Book, and he also has an active social media page – check it out HERE.  Other families are choosing selective vaccination based on the diseases they feel the do/do not want to take risks with.

With whichever path you choose, make your choices, be willing to re-evaluate and change your path if necessary, and by all means respect the choices of those who choose differently. We are all reading, sometimes the same things, and coming to very different conclusions. What we have in common is making decisions for the love of our children. We all believe that we are doing what is best. And therein is the crux of every implosion you will see around the topic.

 

Namaste.

Coming up: Bradley Day Family Festival

Counting down…two days until the big event I have been working on.  I keep telling myself that after this weekend, life is going to get back to “normal”.  It has been an interesting season – sleeping more, writing less, putting a focus on the Sweet Peas first; allowing all other pulls on my time to roll away so that they have Peaceful Mama mothering and schooling them.  Late nights of blogging while the children are asleep is the “normal” I speak of…and after this season of Peaceful Mama reigning supreme, I may be re-evaluating that.

I won’t lie – this last week it has been hard to keep Crazy Mama at bay.  My default when I am stressed is to yell.  I had a great session with Jennifer Hoperich (Moxie Meditation) yesterday.  We talked through default reactions and “pie-in-the-sky” solutions.  She helped me articulate what would I like to happen instead of my default actions if all things were possible.  It was so neat to talk about best case scenario proactions – I had never thought about it that way before.  I am good at identifying what I do not want to do.  I cannot believe I missed the part of identifying behaviors to do “instead of” and focusing my gaze in that direction.

My whole intention these last few months was to allow my children to feel love, calm, and peace from me despite the pressures that come with planning a public outreach event.  In order to support that goal, after Jennifer and I did the processing work, I had hypnotherapy for the first time in my life yesterday.  All I know is that when I walked out of my session with her, I felt like 50 pounds of pressure had been lifted off of my shoulders – I felt lighter and unbelievably positive about my ability to handle the pressures of this weekend, and still being able to walk in “Peaceful Mama” mode all the way through until Monday morning.  (It’s easy to be Peaceful Mama when there are no pressures; it has been a whole different story when I am stressed.)  Today, I really believe I am going to be able to fulfill that intention and arrive on Monday with Sweet Peas that have been honored, loved, and treated with peace and calm in spite of the swirl of activity.

You can see the announcement for the event I have been planning at the top of the page.  It is shaping up to be A.Ma.Zing.  The event was imagined with the vision of celebrating Dr. Bradley and raising awareness of The Bradley Method®.  To that end, we have invited Rhondda Hartman, RN and author to be our keynote speaker.  She was Dr. Bradley’s colleague fro 25 years, and she created the exercise program we teach in Bradley Method® classes.  In addition to her keynote address on the life and times of Dr. Bradley, she is going to be teaching her exercise program.

You can read more about the event HERE – you will find links to the seminars, family activities, and raffle prizes on the blog.  If you can join us, please stop by and say hi.

Wherever you move through this weekend, walk in love and peace, friends.  I will be setting my intention for the same course – see you on the other side of Sunday.

Second Pregnancy: Fears & Affirmations

First pregnancies are known to bring about many fears: fear of an expanding body, fear of giving birth, fear of becoming a mother, fear of the unknown, for me personally it was mostly the fear of the pregnancy itself. I was in a constant state of fear that something was or could go wrong while growing my baby. It just seems so delicate, so mind blowing that an entire human was growing inside my belly while I barely felt anything at all. I worked through those and was blessed with the experience of a very successful full term pregnancy and birth at the end so I  have not had many of those concerns the second time around. We sought out confirmation via doppler and ultrasound in early pregnancy and now as the third trimester begins a very active baby in my tummy keeps my mind at ease everyday. I am full of other kinds of fears this time though – surrounding birth, the postpartum period, and my responsibilities within a family of four. They are pretty overwhelming and all consuming sometimes, coupled with the fact that we have done absolutely zero to prepare for this upcoming birth or baby’s arrival I feel like I am often carrying a weight of anxiety too heavy to bear lately.

spf

the weeks & baby’s growth are both happening so rapidly this time around!

I have employed the help of some visualization techniques and affirmations that I thought I would share here in case any other mamas may find them helpful too. The visualizations can be used to get rid of fears, worries, or negative thoughts we just don’t want around and the affirmations, while some of them are specific to birth, postpartum or new babies, the others can be used anytime during the crazy ride of motherhood.

Visualization #1: Drifting Clouds
This was taught to me during a meditation in a yoga class recently, I really loved it and have found myself using it a lot at night before going to sleep.

Picture a serene, beautiful place with yourself seated or laying down comfortably gazing up at the sky. It is a brilliant, clear blue and there are big, white, fluffy clouds passing by. See your fear, negative thought, emotion, source of tension appear in one of the clouds and watch it drift away out of view. Repeat with each thought or feeling you would like to get rid of until the clouds are floating by empty. Notice how your body or mind feels differently after releasing these into the atmosphere and continue to relax and take in the beauty around and above you.

Visualization #2: Stones in the Ocean
This came from the Sacred Pregnancy book, it was described as an actual physical activity to go do, which I have been intending to and will, but also works great for a visualization in the moment and/or if you do not have access to an ocean or lake.

Visualize yourself at the edge of the ocean. Gather many large stones and place them by your feet. On each stone write in bold black letters a worry, fear, negative thought, problem or the like that you have been holding onto. Walk to the water and throw the stone into the ocean, watching as Mother Earth literally absorbs and carries off this fear or unwanted thought for you.

affirmations

I know the postpartum period is not a friendly time for myself, physically or emotionally. I plan on writing these down and placing them somewhere I can see from my resting place in bed.

“There’s value in showing my kids my vulnerability.”

“I am healthy and I will heal.”

“A new baby is like the beginning of all things – Wonder, Hope, a dream of possibilities.”
– Edna J. Le Shan

These below also are applicable to the postpartum period for me but have been helpful at times during this pregnancy and I anticipate will be very useful as we transition to a family of four.

“Now all you can do is wait. It must be hard for you, but there is a right time for everything. Like the ebb and flow of tides. No one can do anything to change them. When it is time to wait, you must wait.”  
-Haruki Murakami

“Not loving every moment of motherhood doesn’t mean I don’t love being a mom.”

“The decisions made by other moms do not need to dictate mine.”

“I am enough.”

“I am present. My presence is enough.”

I find these are especially helpful when I repeat them over and over to myself while walking or at the playground with T or in some other situation where my thoughts can get away with me. It really does help redirect my energy and like I mentioned before is a great tool to use before I go to sleep.

Are there any other affirmations or visualizations or even other types of activities that have been particularly helpful for you during a time of fear or tension? Anything that stood out as especially helpful during the healing and adjustment phases after birth, I would love to hear anything and everything!

 

 

 

A Tale of Potty Training

A Tale of Potty Training in which Otter validates my belief in attachment parenting

Through this journey of mothering, my philosophy has become, “drop the book, read the child”.  I do not discount the books out of hand – many of them have sage advice and are written by experienced professionals and parents.  I offer our students the La Leche League approach: treat the information that is offered as a buffet; take what is appealing and leave the rest.  My mantra has become, “Honor The Child”.

A wise aunt of mine once told me that our children are gifted to us to be our teachers.   I have tried to embrace that concept whole-heartedly.  Yet every once in a while, they remind me again of their role in my life.  Oh, that Otter.  She continues to teach me about mothering although I am already ten years into this adventure.

Her latest lesson to me arrived via potty training: it’s the promise of that glorious day when you don’t have to change another diaper…especially those of the “stinky, poop-y, how-does-all-this-fit-into-your-tiny-body diapers that have you running to the toilet as you gag to empty them” variety.

There are SO MANY books on potty training on the market – a quick search on-line yields several titles that promise an easy passage to the promised land.  There are videos you can buy, books written for children to ease the transition, and if you are a family with a fluid bottom line, you can hire a potty coach for $925/day! (Read about that trend HERE.)

She did not want to know what we knew; she did not care that we had already potty trained three children.  She was on her own path.

Winter 2012: Otter showed early signs of being ready to use the potty.  The winter after her first birthday, she sat down and used the potty chair – she was probably 15 months old.  Then she did it again.  When she wasn’t around the potty, she told us that she had gone potty and that we needed to change her. And she couldn’t stand to be in a poopy diaper – I was thrilled!! Were we really going to be free of diapers so soon?!?

Alas, it was not to be.  After a promising week, she started screaming when we brought her near the potty.  She much preferred to do her business in her diaper and then have someone change her *immediately*.  As an attachment parent, I went with the flow, so to speak.  I did not want to push her into something that she was not ready for and forced her into tears.

Spring 2013: The pressure starts to build.  A few mamas of Sweet Peas born from our Fall 2011 and Winter2011-12 classes are announcing that their little ones are sitting on the potty.  They are using it.  A few are actually potty trained!!  What?!?  These children are younger than Otter and they are out of diapers already?

Summer 2013: So I bring out the potty again.  I figure different space, different place; maybe we’ll have a different result.  Still the same reaction – tears and screaming.  I put it back up with the resolution to just let Otter be Otter.  I *know* that it is developmentally impossible for her to be in diapers forever.  Breathe. Mantra. Repeat.

Fall 2013:  More Sweet Pea babies younger than Otter are potty trained.  Breathe. Mantra. Repeat.

WInter 2013: Otter wants to be in the Christmas show with her siblings.  We remind her that she is not in dance classes yet and she cannot dance on stage with them.  However…light bulb moment…we point out that all of the children dancing are out of diapers.  Especially the ones in her favorite number, Santa Baby, a daddy-daughter dance performed by the youngest students in the school.

New strategy!! Instead of offering the training potty, every once in a while, we will drop the line, “It’s okay to keep using diapers.  You’ll have to be out of them if you want to dance in Santa Baby – no diapers on stage!”

Spring 2014: We go to birthday parties for Otter’s contemporaries from our Bradley Classes.  They are out of diapers.  We are still lugging our diaper bag around, albeit a very adorable tokidoki bag.  The SPB alumni mamas tell me what they are doing to facilitate potty training.  A mama from our Fall 2012 class is actively training her one-year-old.  I begin to question if I am crazy to just leave Otter alone and leave her in diapers until she is ready.

YES to leaving her alone, jury is out as to whether I am crazy.  Honor the child. Breathe. Mantra. Repeat.

May 2014:  The diaper service we use announces it’s going out of business. We warn her that her diaper days are numbered.  Diaper service ends and she is distraught to be in training pants, even the adorable ones in patterns she is familiar with since they look like her diaper wraps.  After two days of an unhappy Otter, we decide to buy organic disposable diapers by the sleeve because we Honor The Child.  She is waking up dry, even with night nursing.  I offer the potty in the morning as an alternative to wetting the diaper and an immediate change.  She declines.  For weeks.

Sunday, June 22, 2014: Otter sits on the training potty that we have left, lonely in the bathroom, for months.  She pees.  She stands up and announces, “I am ready to do Santa Baby.”  She was “potty trained” at two years and eight months – done with never another day in diapers.  Or thirty-two months old if you prefer that method of accounting.

No joke.  Since that day six weeks ago she has had exactly two accidents.  One the next day when she was playing with a friend and was too distracted to really go potty and she let the rest go when she came back to play.  And one a week later, strangely enough, overnight when she wet the bed after waking up dry for weeks.

It has been a great validation to Honor The Child.  Once I stopped offering the option to use the training potty, neither of us shed a tear in this non-process.  She is done, without the  mess of soiled clothing, misses on the floor, and a training potty to empty over and over again.  I do not miss the piles of laundry covered in human waste!! That was awesome.

Now, we do keep the training potty available – she doesn’t always want to use the “big potty”.  I figure that is a fair trade.

Breathe.  Honor The Child. Repeat.

Do you have an AP “Aha” moment to share?

Monday Musings: Healing

What does that mean, really? HEALING.

Is it from one ailment? Good enough to function? Or am I praying for truly a complete, transformational healing that changes a life?

Let me back up.  Puma has been struggling with her bowels for years.  It started when she was about five years old.  We suspected food poisoning, and later blood tests showed Hepatitis A, which is generally an indicator of food poisoning.  As our pediatrician told us, “you could get it from lettuce in a salad bar”.

Ever since then, she has not been well.  After going the Western allopathic route with no positive results, and the weekly visits to the chiropractor that started when she was six years old didn’t resolve the issue, we started working with an acupuncturist when she was around seven.  He has an Asyra machine that evaluates the whole body….after three sessions, we were able to get that her body was not tolerating gluten.  An answer!

So we cut out gluten – things got better.  Then she got hit with Rotavirus last April (2013).  Her little body could not recover from that on her own and we ended up with a five-day hospitalization.  Little by little she got stronger and added more weight.  Things started to improve again – life goes on.

Last September, I start having this nagging suspicion that something is still not right. After the “summer growth spurt” children go through, I see that she is among the “small” ones in her peer group as other girls her age have added inches to their stature.  Then Night Owl, who is 2 years and 9 months younger is gaining on her height (he is actually now taller than she is.)  I begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe, this gut “thing” is still preventing her from using all the nutrients in her food, and if I will have any regrets if I don’t follow up.

So after talking with Bruss, praying about it, we decide it is time to go the allopathic route again. She does another round of blood work; our pediatrician recommends a naturally-minded GI specialist.  We make the appointment and are counting down the days until we take another stab at getting some answers and some kind of solution.

In the meantime, Puma comes down with another virus.  It is suspected to be Norovirus.  Thank goodness there is no vomiting this time (we know if that happens, we try the Zofran and if Zofran doesn’t work we need to go to the hospital…) – anyway, it’s just a gradual decline into helplessness as I watch our child fall into despair and listlessness and she refuses to eat because she knows it’s just coming right out the other side.  I hear her crying every time she is in the bathroom, and one morning she asks me, “Why me – why am I always in the bathroom?”

I remember the lesson she taught me – ask for prayer – plain and simple.  I send out an email to our family requesting prayer.  The next morning, I have a revelation that I am praying for her to get better.  What I really should be praying for is not just for her to get better, but a full, complete HEALING.  Entire body well.  Entire body functional.  Entire.

Why does that scare me?  If she is off gluten (and Night Owl is also GF among other allergies), we have the perfect reason to keep wheat out of the house.  That crop scares me – it’s primarily GMO, highly processed, and found in all the foods we so conveniently and thankfully keep out of the house.  I often say that our children’s allergies are the best thing that ever happened to us – it forced us into whole food eating without a fuss.

If Puma, and Night Owl for that matter, are HEALED, then the food restrictions go away.  AWAY.  It means that they can eat anything.  I had to ask myself if there is pain/pleasure disconnect in my children’s suffering and my desire to have the simple answer, “You know you cannot have that,” and it’s the end of a discussion.

I had to face the reality that if I trust that God is the Supreme Healer, and that He wants the best for us, then I must pray for a complete healing.  I have to trust that He can heal, and I have to believe that is the best for our children.  He did not design us to be sick and intolerant of his wonderful provision.  We are to be healthy, full expressions of His Glory.

I must pray for complete healing, and then change the paradigm for our food choices.  We are not going to avoid foods because we have allergies anymore.  We will make wise choices that nourish and feed our healthy bodies and souls.  All the same rules still apply – the motivation behind our food choices must change to accept that my children can be healed if that is God’s will for our lives.

So I wrote down the prayer that was in my heart – it came to me almost as soon as I had the revelation that I was praying the wrong prayer.  Here it is for you to share in communion with me, and join me if you are so inclined, or maybe they will be a blessing to someone you love.

This is my parent’s prayer:

Slide1

Prayer for a child – I say her name when I pray for her.

And I also wrote down a version for Puma to keep at her bedside and pray if she wanted to pray for her own healing:

Prayer that Puma can read and pray if she is led to do so

Prayer that Puma can read and pray if she is led to do so

I had an initial gut-check – I have seen the blogs of parents who pray for healing and the answer is a child that is called back to God.  Who am I to pray for a complete healing?  Can I be so bold?  And the answer I get is YES. A resounding YES because I felt called to pray this prayer.  I cannot know what the answer is.  I just know that I am called to faith and prayer.

So every morning, I start with the Our Father and then this.  I trust in all the goodness and the glory of Our Maker.

(P.S. Thanks to some direction from our chiropractor on what she needed to take, and the combined voices of our family joining mine in prayer, Puma woke up the next morning so much better than the day before.  By the third day, she was back to what I would call herself.  God has already showed me that I just need to have faith.)

Tuesday Tips: Club MomMe

I had the privilege of attending the Club MomMe Spring Family Fest on Saturday, June 7th.  Talk about blown away!!  You can see some of our photos from the event on our Instagram account.

Attendees got to see Dr. Harvey Karp, who took questions after his presentation and stuck around to sign books at his table after his keynote address.  There were four fantastic panels from which to glean information.  At the end of the day, there was an “Around the World” tour of baby and mama gear, from strollers, car seats and play yards through to the best and safest gear for your Sweet Pea and convenience for you as a family.

On top of all this great information, there was a pamper lounge – all MomMes in attendance were treated to a manicure from Ella Mila.  There was also a nursing lounge outfitted by Lansinoh, and the elusive Daddy Lounge – I didn’t ever find it….I guess the dads kept all the fun to themselves!! 😉

And…there was entertainment for the Sweet Peas.  The performers on stage were completely dedicated to entertaining the littles and there was a clown painting faces and doing balloon sculptures all day long!!

As I get the pictures organized, I will share an “on the scene” tour of all the amazing vendors that were there with the finest in organic baby wear and food offerings, eco-friendly gear, and all the amazing new products hitting the market this season.  I will also post links as I have them for all the speaker notes I jotted down that day.

If you are in an area that has a Club MomMe, join.  Now.  These Spring and Fall events are the big blow-out events.  Educational seminars and meet-ups happen every month.  I am excited to hear that Club MomMe might be considering a Phoenix chapter.  Count me in!!

This and That

Very exciting news to share…I had the honor of being invited to an event in Southern CA.  Wow!  It’s official…I will be at the Club MomMe Spring Family Fest next Saturday!! I am so excited…I get to “walk the red carpet” for the first time.  (Mad scramble through the closet happening later today all week!)  Puma asked if she could go – bless her heart.  I am confident that in a couple more years, she will absolutely be going with me to help with pictures and interviews.  That will be a day to look forward to!

I also wanted to share a link to a post I did over on Sweet Pea Births today.  We started our journey to a greener life when we were Bradley Method® students nine years ago.  It made us aware that we needed to read labels and avoid harmful substances.  I got complacent and figured that if a product was labeled “green”, “safe”, “natural”, “-free”, then it was safe enough to be brought into our home.

I have learned the hard way that corporations can put pretty much anything they want on the label.  It is up to us as the consumers to educate ourselves on the toxic ingredients and read every.single.label before we put it on our shopping cart.

If you are interested in seeing the breakdown of ingredients in baby wipes, click HERE.  As I did the research for this post, I was so grateful for the friends in our lives who aren’t afraid to get on their soapboxes and make us open our eyes and hearts to new ways of living.  We have used diaper wipes as often as ten times a day when our Sweet Peas are little, and many of us are used to keeping them in our bags long after a Sweet Pea is out of diapers because they are just so useful!

Now that we know better, and we want to teach our children to be good stewards of the environment, we are happily entrenched in our cloth wipes and cleaning spray solution.  So consider me the friend on the soapbox, and please take a look so that you and your Sweet Pea can eliminate another set of toxins from your everyday exposure.

*Steps off SoapBox*

Once it’s up, I will post a link to the interview with the wonderful MomMe’s organizing the Club MomMe Spring Fest.  Be sure to check in on the SPB blog tomorrow to see what kind of family fun can be had in the Valley of the Sun, aka Phoenix, AZ.

HAPPY FRIDAY 🙂

Limits – Yes, No, Maybe?

Here we grow again! Night Owl and I are adapting to a “new normal” right now as he expresses his desire for I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.C.E.

Most-used phrases:

“Why can’t I live by myself?”
“Why do you get to tell me what to do?”
“Why is there a rule about that?”
“I HATE that you get to tell me what to do!”

Which is kind of funny, because it may mean I have to start to communicate with him the way I do with his father.  Things go a lot more smoothly if I ask instead of tell my DH to do anything.  And then I have to ask without manipulating…the trials of living with creative minds.

Seriously, though, I would not have it any other way.  I love that Night Owl is imaginative, that he wants to explore, and that he wants to push boundaries.  In an adult, those qualities can lead to great and amazing things.

In children, they lead to experiences like this:

We had just come back to the heat from our summer cabin in the mountains. Night Owl decided to cool things off by having a snowstorm and making an ice skating rink...out of baby powder.

We had just come back to the heat from our summer cabin in the mountains. Night Owl decided to cool things off by having a snowstorm and making an ice skating rink…out of baby powder.

You have to understand that I am all about safety and security.  My husband and first-born son are not.  It makes for an interesting conflict – I want them to be safe.  They see no problem with rappelling up the trunk of a tall tree with a parachute cord to see if they can.  Or spraying baby powder to make a snowstorm.  Or filling a playpen full of ice and water to play “Ice Ship” and go exploring to the North Pole.  Or climbing to the tallest shelf in the house (10 feet high) to sniff out legos in boxes that haven’t been opened yet. How about making a zip-line out of masking tape to “swashbuckle” from the desk in his room to his dresser? (Yes, these have all happened – Night Owl is six. Can you imagine what else is in store for us?) 

He wants to try EVERYTHING.  I want him to keep two feet on the ground at all times.  I try to be careful with how I express my limitations because the last thing I want to do is instill fear in our children.  THIS  article by Dr. Jim Taylor has been really instrumental in helping me come to grips with the fact that I have to grow in order for my son to have the best opportunity to express his personality without feeling oppressed:

The challenge for you involves determining your own natural comfort zone in allowing your children to explore. That zone is dictated by your inborn temperament and the perceptions about how secure the world is based on your own experiences growing up. Your comfort zone will be determined by where you lie on the continuum from risk taker to risk averse.

And, if you allow it to, you will send messages to your children about where that comfort zone is. If your children’s inborn comfort zone is smaller than yours, then you will likely just reinforce those limits and possibility prevent them from extending those limits through experience.

If their limits are farther than your own, then your comfort zone may act as a leash, restraining them from broadening their already more expansive comfort zone.

We definitely fall in the “parent comfort zone is smaller – child’s limits are farther” camp.  I see our way forward in three steps: I am going to talk to him about how to evaluate situations, I will offer him decision making tools (that I hope he will use!), and I will definitely be taking more deep breaths.

How do you navigate child safety and healthy exploration?