Category Archives: Parenting

Preschool Playdate: Oktoberfest

Play date: October 1, 2015

Fun little side-note…as I searched the internet for ideas for this playdate, I discovered that apparently some preschool teacher decided to serve apple juice in child-sized beer steins to celebrate Oktoberfest in her classroom…LOL. That is a direction we definitely did NOT go.

Anyway, my inspiration for our playdate came from a beautiful map book Charger was gifted this summer. The book is called “MAPS” by Aleksandra Mizielinska and Daniel Mizielinski. HERE is an image I found of the page online:

MAPS Germany

I went through and created categories from the images on the map to start brainstorming.  I also explored Enchanted Learning to see what kind of ideas they had, and voila! Our playdate was pulled together overnight.

— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)

— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)  Skipped this part last week since our group was so big and the discussion of the theme was a little longer.

— Discussion of theme: Used the MAPS book to point out different parts of Germany and German heritage/contributions to our modern culture.

Stories: Brothers Grimm, Hansel & Gretel, Snow White, Musicians of Bremen
Composers: Bach, Beethoven (I guess Handel not included since he is considered a British composer?)
Inventions: Printing Press – Johannes Gutenberg, Beach chairs, Aspirin – Felix Hoffman, Cuckoo Clock
Dogs: German Shepherd, Dachsund
Food: Gherkins, Pumpernickel, Roast pork, Dumplings, Breads (including rye, pretzels), Sauerkraut (pickled cabbage), Weisswurst (white sausage)

— Storytime – worked some unsquiggle in by handing out felt figures before story time and having the Sweet Peas listen for their piece to be named. When they heard it, they brought their piece up and put it on the felt background.

— Unsquiggle activity Also skipped – it was time to get the Sweet Peas moving!!

— Poem/Song before we break for Centers: “Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone?” since we had talked about German Shepherds and Dachshunds during the theme discussion.

While the families arrived and during center time, I played classical music written by German composers in the background.

STORY TIME
I had the story of  The Musicians of Bremen in one of our schoolbooks from last year. There are more words than pictures, so I created images and felt pieces to use as I read.  I held up the cards to show the contribution of each animal to the band: “lute”, “drum”, “night music” and “music”.  Before we started storytime, we handed out the felt pieces for the children to bring up and place on the felt background as they heard their piece named in the story.

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Look under the “Discovery Table” for image source list.

LITERACY CENTER
This was an edible center – yum! Always fun for preschool playdates 🙂
I cut out the capital letter of all the preschool age guests and their younger siblings. The Sweet Peas would then find the letter of their first name (or a friend or sibling), and then cover the letter in pretzels. Eating happened all along the way!

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Find the original idea HERE on “The Educators’ Spin On It”

MATH CENTER
Counting With The Dogs:  This is a center of my own creation that incorporated German dogs, dice, and patterning.

Level 1: Place correct amount of items onto a numbered plate
Level 1a: Roll 1 die and count out the items to match the face of the die

Level 2: Create a pattern and continue the sequence. When we play this, I create the first two patterns, and then invite the Sweet Pea to make one for me to figure out.

Level 3: Roll 2 dice, count out, and add

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Image sources: links to image online
Bone ~ Dachshund ~ German Shepherd 

 

DISCOVERY TABLE
Part 1 of the Discovery Table disappeared before I got a picture of it.  We cooked some Weisswurst (white sausage) and served it with sauerkraut (pickled cabbage) so that the Sweet Peas (and the mamas!) could enjoy some German food.

Part 2 of the table was having the Sweet Peas play with the felt figures and retell the story if they are advanced communicators. If they are still acquiring verbal skills, you could ask them the order that the animals were introduced in the story, and then “what happened next” to prompt them.

Image sources: links to image online
Donkey ~ Hound ~ Cat ~ Rooster ~ House ~ Robber ~ Witch Hat 

 

ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
This idea came from Enchanted Learning, an online teaching resource with *a ton* of ideas and activities.  HERE are the instructions, and here are the samples I made for the Sweet Peas:

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I prepared the eyes and cut out the ears and noses ahead of time. The Sweet Peas could place them however they wanted to on the paper bags. Ears up was a German Shepherd, ears down was a Dachshund; and the Sweet Peas pasted them every which way to come up with their own creations!

We finish our Preschool Playdate with a sharing time: each child that wants to share gets to say what (s)he enjoyed the most about the morning.  We close with a good-bye song where children are welcome to give hugs.  It helps to set a formal end to the time together so that parents have a clear reason to insist that it’s time to go if they have somewhere to be afterwards.  Otherwise, the kiddos and parents that don’t have to leave stay and play until the music teacher for our older Sweet Peas arrives.

Come back next Thursday to read all about the FIRE SAFETY play date that we had today since it is Fire Prevention Week in the USA this week.

 

Boys will be boys: File under “unacceptable”

Boys will be boys.

I find that phrase a bit frustrating.  While I believe that there are definitely attributes that are inherent to the sexes, I also believe that as parents we have a responsibility to raise our children to act beyond their impulses so that they can learn compassion, kindness and empathy.

I watched our boys thoroughly enjoy themselves as they roughhoused with other willing children at our Pirate playdate.  They were all boys in the “mosh pit”, with mothers keeping an eye out and making sure that there were boundaries around the play, like keeping the hands off the face and neck, swords off the head, hands above the belt.

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In the back of my mind as I was watching this kind of play, is the lesson that we had read in science.  We were reading about wolves, and one section talked about how male wolf pups play fight in preparation for survival in adulthood.

Lightbulb!! So maybe in our human history, there once was a time when boys *had* to fight – it was a matter of having the survival skills they needed in a primitive society.  Except…in this first world country, we are far and away from being creatures of survival or subsistence.  We are, for the most part, living within four walls and purchasing food from stores; we are no longer battling our rivals for land or water.  Those days are part of our history, not day-to-day reality.

In the childbirth work we do, I talk about how women’s bodies birth in “cave mode”.  Our instincts don’t know we are birthing in the 21st century.  Unless we get rid of the virtual “tigers” prowling outside the cave, our bodies are closed to the birth journey.  Why wouldn’t that hold true for our sons? Maybe there is some deep instinct to fight for a variety of reasons: survival, defense, protection.  Watching the rough play, I realized that within our sons’ instincts there is probably a time and a place for that kind of play.

However, in this century, when we know better and can do better, we have to stand up against the “boys will be boys” idea as an excuse or an explanation for inappropriate behavior.  There is no reason why, in a civilized society, we are still hearing stories of rape and abuse.  Real men do not hurt, belittle and harm.  Why are we still accepting aggressive behavior from the white collar CEO who rants and raves at his staff?  Why does the rapist who preys on unsuspecting women know that he can, because the blame will fall on the woman and what she was wearing or drinking?  It has to stop.

The ideas that raise my biggest ire are the belief systems that teach the woman is mainly responsibility for a man’s desires.  Those in power tell women to dress modestly and wear a certain type of clothing, or else men will be tempted.  Really?? This is what we are spending time teaching from pulpits when there are so many other responsibilities that the church is charged with (widows, orphans, the homeless to name a few). Are we no better than base animals when females are in heat?  Are we to believe that there is nothing that a man can do to resist his urges??

Yes, I have learned that men are visual.  I get that images are interesting.  And guess what? There is such a thing as self-control, another teaching that is in many belief systems.  Why not emphasize that as well??  Every woman that boys and men are looking at is someone else’s mother, daughter, child.  That alone should be enough to exert some self-control, change their gaze, and start checking their impulses.

Where does this self-control begin?? It begins by introducing the idea when children are playing.  Stop “letting boys be boys” all the time, and start teaching them to be human beings with a heart as well as with impulses.  We can teach them that it is okay to have times when we play rough as long as everyone is in agreement, and then there are other times when we use gentle hands.  We have to be willing to intervene when other children are getting hurt, or when we see that the play is escalating to bullying.

As one of my friends says, “No matter what I do, I can’t keep my two boys from being rough with each other. They play by jumping all over each other. Constantly. I choose to allow that type of behavior, and I also choose to make sure it stays safe and respectful. I allow it because I feel that they are “born that way” and that it helps create bonding between them. I feel like that’s the way they talk to each other. Do I understand it? No. But I allow it with limitations while teaching them that there’s a time and a place. They can be crazy together, but they’re also required to be gentlemen when they interact outside of their circle.”

We can start by intervening when we hear a playmate say No or Stop, even it it still looks like they are playing to us.  When we are teaching the very basic concept of “No is no!” or “Stop is stop,” we can also teach them the reverse is true.  “Just like (playmate) is asking you to stop now and I am asking you to respect them, I would also expect someone else to respect you when you say No or Stop.”  And I am not talking about yelling, “No is no!!” across the room, and then continue on with whatever we are doing.  I mean that we are going over to the child, getting down to their level, and looking at them in the eye when this conversation happens.  We have to take the time to show them how important it is to respect others.

We can also demonstrate that concept when our children say No or Stop to adults in our social circles.  Something simple to deflect unwanted hugs, kisses, pats; whatever we know bothers our children based on past conversations or the body language we are seeing as the interaction is playing out in front of us. Here is a way we have handled it in our family, “Sorry, (family member)…it looks like (child) isn’t giving out (hugs) today. Maybe next time. (Child), please use your words to say good-bye today, okay?”  

Children will emulate what they see and experience.  It is paramount that we teach them that their personhood is respected, and they alone have the right to say what does and does not happen in their personal space.  Unless we can stand up and lead and guide with love, we will remain in the rape culture where a person says No and despite their protests, is forced to engage after the No.

I hold both my daughters and my sons to expectations of compassion, kindness and empathy – the qualities that bring out the best of our humanity.  Will you?

Special thanks to the SPB community who offered insights and suggested edits as I crafted this post: N.C., A.L., K.N., and J.S. – thank you so much for your time!!

Here is a question:
What if you are at a playdate or at the park, and one child’s parent is okay with the aggressive behavior, and the other child’s parent is not? How would you handle it, or how have you handled it if you found yourself in this sistuaion?

Spanking: Not an option

Spanking.

If you told my 25-year-old self that I would be totally opposed to spanking when I became a mother, that Krystyna would have scoffed at you. What could be wrong with it? Kids need discipline from time to time, and spanking definitely yields results. I was spanked, and I turned out ok. Right?!?

Enter the voice of a wise woman I worked with – one sentence started to shift my perspective on the whole spanking thing. I commented on how lovely her children were to be around, and asked about her parenting style. I was shocked to hear that she didn’t spank them; I just assumed all well-behaved children had been paddled into submission. As it turns out, this mama believed in and practiced gentle parenting, even though I didn’t know the term at the time.

Q: “You have never spanked them?”
A: “Never – spanking is a big person hitting a little person – nothing makes sense about that.”

Wait…WHAT did she just say?

The decision not to spank was sealed when I gave birth to Puma. As I held her in my arms that very first hour, I knew that hitting her on purpose, with intention to punish or discipline, was not going to be an option.

And so started the mental shift from considering spanking an acceptable form of discipline, to striving to find as many other natural consequences and gentle parenting techniques as possible.

Here are two of my favorite quotes from L.R. Knost:

LRKnost ChildishLRKnost Meltdown2

Childish behavior is normal…for children. <3 http://t.co/T8goym3P6Z
Posted by L.R.Knost – Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources on Sunday, March 15, 2015

Let’s practice what we preach. <3 http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/
Posted by L.R.Knost – Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources on Thursday, July 17, 2014

5 Gentle Parenting Go-Tos

Parenting with intention is easy when our cups are full and we are rested.  Realistically, how many of those days we *actually* have depends on the season we are in as a family.  Do you need resources to help stay gentle? Here are some websites that have been helpful to me, and other students in our SPB community:

Aha! Parenting
http://www.ahaparenting.com
“Are you looking for that Aha! Moment to transform your child’s behavior, or maybe your own?
Whether you’re wondering how to handle a specific challenge, just figuring out your child-raising approach, or ready to tear your hair out, you’ve come to the right place.
You know what an Aha! Moment is, right?
With our child, it’s that lightning flash of insight, when suddenly we see things from another perspective, and everything has the potential to be different. This website has Aha! moments for parents of every age child, from pregnancy right through the teen years.”

Janet Lansbury

Home


“Raising a child is one the most important and challenging jobs we will ever have. It brings a considerable amount of joy. It can also be confusing, discouraging and haphazard. My goal is to provide clarity, inspiration (and maybe a smile or two) by sharing insights I’ve gained through my parenting classes, my experiences as a mother, and studies with my friend and mentor Magda Gerber. This blog is dedicated to her memory.”

L.R. Knost
www.littleheartsbooks.com
“Sharing gentle parenting tips, articles, and research with parents who want to learn how to connect with their little ones instead of just correcting them. Connect to correct—>gentle, effective, empathetic parenting—>happy, confident, well-mannered children—>joyful, peaceful homes filled with love and laughter.”

Nurshable
http://nurshable.com/
“I publish a variety of things here. Letters to my children explaining different parenting choices that I/we make. Information about breastfeeding, attachment parenting babywearing and other topics that fall into the category of “gentle parenting”, and whatever comes to mind.”

Positive Discipline
http://blog.positivediscipline.com/
“Positive Discipline is a program based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs and designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Based on the best selling Positive Discipline books by Dr. Jane Nelsen, it teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults (including parents, teachers, childcare providers, youth workers, and others).”

Gentle parenting is definitely a lifestyle choice – it invites me to be my best self so that I am available to be the parent I want to be for my children. Another great reminder from L.R. Knost:

LRKnost Breathe
Posted by L.R.Knost – Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources on Friday, April 10, 2015

I hope you find the inspiration you need from these wise parents. Choosing to breathe is not necessarily instinctive or easy. It is however, so, so worth it. The parent-child bond is so precious, and they are with us for such a short amount of time in their lifespan. Gentle parenting helps me make the most of that time, and truly treasure our children as the amazing teachers and human beings that they are.

P.S. Huge thanks to our SPB community that inspired this post <3

I’m human, and the struggle is real some days!! HERE is an anecdote about our season of toddler tantrums with Otter – it took a lot of deep breaths to be peaceful those days!!

Breastfeeding a Toddler

I posted a little bit about our choice to let our children self-wean over on our SPB blog since it’s Breastfeeding Awareness Month in the USA.  Based on one of the comments that post received on FB, I am going to write more about the “hows” of breastfeeding an older child here today.

As of today, Otter is about two months shy of her fourth birthday, and continues to show interest in nursing.  I plan to continue until she self-weans.

1.) How it works for us.
I am not breastfeeding a toddler or a preschooler as often as I did a newborn.  I want you to know that the analogy of “a dance between two people” is applicable.  Unlike ballroom dancing, in our relationship there is no set leader or follower.  Sometimes I set the boundaries, sometimes my Sweet Pea says no or demands, “now!”…all are acceptable in our breastfeeding relationship.  I encourage you to find what works for you.

It became clear to me that Otter was using breastfeeding as a way to control access to Mommy.  If she didn’t want anyone else to have my attention, then she would demand to breastfeed and would make it impossible to do anything else.  That is when we started to set some boundaries and expectations, and pretty much stick to them.

The boundaries in our relationship: I told her she was always welcome to nurse first thing in the morning, or before bedtime at night.  If she wanted to nurse during the day, she would have to wait until I could lay down with her in bed, or until we could sit in our nursing chair.  If her teeth get involved, it’s an immediate cessation of that nursing session (this does not happen more than once or twice a year).  I also told her that nursing is primarily done at home.  When we are out in public, I ask her to wait.  Occasionally, there are exception: the times that I know she is super-tired or overstimulated and nursing really *is the answer*, we will nurse.

2.) Why my husband supports it, even with a male child.
My husband became an advocate of breastfeeding as we took our first Bradley class in 2004.  I will let him share why he has, and continues to support extended breastfeeding.

Extended Brestfeeding: A father’s viewpoint. By Bruss Bowman

Krystyna and I are parents to 4 wonderful, healthy and happy children.  We committed to together to have the best, healthy pregnancies and labors for all our children.  We took Bradley method birth classes for our first two children and then became certified to teach Bradley and have helped well over a hundred couples on their own personal birth/parenting journeys.  That philosophy of healthy pregnancy/labor/parenting extends into breast feeding of our children, the health benefits of which are well documented and I support whole-heartedly for all our children and extending to those families that we have helped through Bradley as well.
I was posed the question of father’s support for extended breast feeding, that is (in my opinion) a breast feeding relationship that extends beyond 2-3 years.  It is an interesting question for me, given my support for the healthy, natural path of pregnancy, labor and breast feeding; yet a big part of me is unquestionably old school…I wasn’t dragged kicking and screaming to my first Bradley class, I went with a desire to support Krystyna to best of my ability whatever that path might be, but I certainly had a level of skepticism.  Yet my skepticism has fallen away through the years as I have learned and experienced, first hand and through our students, the undeniable benefits of the things we teach and live everyday.
So back to extended breast feeding, this was yet another challenge to my old school dogmatic thinking and I was not 100% comfortable with our family doing this.  But like so many things that came before,  through some introspection and prayer I did become comfortable with this extension, not so much of breast feeding itself but of Krystyna and my commitment to healthy, happy children and being the best parents we can be.
I will tell you that the single thing that made the difference in my decision to support extended breast feeding was the trust that I have in Krystyna as a great Mom who *always* does what she believes in her heart to be the very best things for our children.  Given that trust, her strong desire to extend her breast feeding relationship with our last two children is reason enough for me to support her parenting choices as I have done since we walked through the door of our first Bradley class.
Everyone’s parenting journey is unique to them, so ultimately you must do what is right for you as partners and parents.  Dads, if you are faced with similar circumstances, it is important to communicate and to remember the big picture of health and happiness for you and family.

 

3.) Extended breastfeeding in our family.
All of our children have been breastfed past their first birthday.  They nursed 22 months, 18 months, five years, and 3 years&counting, respectively.  The more I learned, the more committed I was to continuing the breastfeeding relationship until the child self-weaned.

Puma self-weaned, Night Owl was an emergency wean since I was pregnant with Charger and I was having a lot of contractions when I nursed.  I learned more for the next pregnancy, so I was able to nurse Charger through Otter’s pregnancy – and wow, was he excited when the rich, creamy, newborn milk came in!  You can read about that experience over at the Nursing Nurture webpage, where I shared about our breastfeeding journey. (Part 1: Breastfeeding Through Pregnancy, Part 2: Tandem Nursing)

I weaned Charger a little after his fifth birthday.  If I had heard Dr. Nils Bergman speak about the evolutionary biology of breastfeeding sooner, I would have let him nurse until he started losing his milk teeth, aka baby teeth.  Having learned that all other mammals nurse until the milk teeth fall out, I will be letting Otter nurse until she starts losing her baby teeth, or until she decides that she is finished nursing, whichever comes first.

4.) Tandem Nursing
With the help of my IBCLC and my La Leche League group leaders, I felt ready to tandem nurse.  I set the expectations of what was going to happen well before Otter was born, and I kept reassuring our then toddler that I was still going to be his mommy, and he was going to be able to get milk when we felt he needed it.

Expectations:
The baby was the baby, and she was going to nurse first when she was hungry and he wanted to nurse at the same time.  Since he was a big boy, I encouraged him that he could eat lots of neat things with his teeth; not the baby, she’s too little.  No fun for her. I also had a stack of books next to the bed that we could read together while he waited patiently.

As soon as the baby was finished nursing, he would be invited to nurse.  Or if the baby was napping, of course I would be available to him.  Little by little, that time turned into snuggle time.  By the time he was three, he was only nursing in the morning, for naps, and at bedtime.

Every once in a while, I would nurse them together. I didn’t really care for it at the time, so I didn’t do it very often.  Later as I realized our time as a tandem was ending, I regretted it.  There are so many lovely stories about children’s bonds who are nursed at the breast together.

The two of them did enjoy taking turns.  Sometimes they got possessive about which “side” was theirs, however, most of the time, it was a comedy.  One would finish and call out to the other, “Hey – it’s your turn!!” And a conversation would ensue between them about turns, sides, and which breast had more milk that day.

5.) Other places I have written about extended breastfeeding if you are interested:

Our Journey Into Tandem Nursing May 2012 intro about our chosen path

Still Tandem Nursing August 2012 update

Tandem Nursing – Extended  July 2013 update

My Take on Toddler Nursing – Today August 2013 photojournal of “gymnurstics”…thank goodness that was only a phase!

Nursing By Example: The power of peer-to-peer support

Nursing a Toddler: Benefits, and why it’s good to follow your instincts and your children’s cues

Extended Breastfeeding: the science behind why it’s beneficial

Breastfeeding & Tandem Nursing: Encouraging parents to follow the right path for their family

Now that I know people are looking for more info, I will be adding more links to the breastfeeding resource page about tandem nursing, how to deal with biting and nursing strikes, and other topics related to nursing older children.

In the meantime, I hope this gives you a clearer picture about what breastfeeding older children looks like.  It isn’t common, however, it would be nice if it was normal.

 

 

Preschool Playdate: Children’s Books

We held this playdaye on April 2, which also happened to be Children’s Books Day.  It was hard to plan for any specific theme since we invited our guests to bring theire favorite book to share.

Getting the morning off to our regular start:
— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)
— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)
— Discussion of theme
— Storytime
— Unsquiggle activity
— Poem/Song before we break for Centers

STORY TIME
Here are the books our guests brought to share:

  • Opposites by Sandra Boynton
  • The Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
  • The Little Blue Truck by Alice Schertle, illustrated by Jill McElmurray

We alternated sharing books with unsquiggle games.

LITERACY CENTER
You can read the instructions for this center in the photo below.  I wrote the child’s name on an envelope, then put their “carrot” letters inside the envelope. They had to find their name, and then sort their letters to spell their name.

We added another component to this center by having the children separate the stuffed animals into two groups: carrot eaters and non-carrot eaters.

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MATH CENTER
This was a simple sorting center since I didn’t have a theme to guide me.  We used buttons and egg cartons for this activity.  The kiddos could sort by color and/or by shape on this one.  Another idea was for the parents to start a pattern and have the children finish the pattern.

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DISCOVERY TABLE
Another improvisation since the there was not a particular specific book/theme.  I chose containers with different size holes so that the kiddos could experiement and see what kind of “rain” would fall on the boats.

They could talk about small and large, fast and slow, sink and float.  They could also talk about the different kinds of rain: drizzle, sprinkle, rain, storm, hurricane.

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ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
This idea and pattern came from the Toddler Calendar.  I printed the duck on white and yellow cardstock, and cut out the umbrellas from some fun Spring paper we have in our stash.  Kiddos used glue to put it all together, and then the cotton swabs to paint the rain.

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We finish our Preschool Playdate with a sharing time: each child that wants to share gets to say what (s)he enjoyed the most about the morning.  We close with a good-bye song where children are welcome to give hugs.  It helps to set a formal end to the time together so that parents have a clear reason to insist that it’s time to go if they have somewhere to be afterwards.  Otherwise, the kiddos and parents are welcome to stay and play until the music teacher for our older Sweet Peas arrives.

 

 

Discovering Truths

I found this in my “Drafts” folder from last summer – I wanted to share it with you because it is a peek into the process that led me to decide that I really was not in a season where I want to spend lots of time on the computer.  If things happen organically, that is one thing…however, pursuit of an audience is not my number one priority right now.  I learned that when I went to BWF in Austin (read about that aha moment HERE).

And I can also see that my reality check was way off. The reality is that making my kiddos a priority means that blogging regularly isn’t going to happen. I am enjoying reaching out to you this summer while we are on a hiatus from our homeschool days…after that, we will have to wait and see what happens.

July 25, 2014

It has been five weeks since we have been without our nanny.  Life is MUCH different without her.  I am not only in charge of homechooling and guiding our Sweet Peas – now I have to be a housekeeper, too.  I get to do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.  It is not for the weary or faint of heart.

We did really well the first two weeks.  Now, six weeks into it, the house is not as tidy as a like it, the laundry takes a couple of days to go from “dry” to “put away”, and we are eating A LOT of quesadillas and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.  Thank goodness for summertime produce – at least the Sweet Peas are eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables with their carbs and cheese.

By virtue of our summer plans, every year the nanny gets a 2-month sabbatical from the wild, wonderful circus that we are.  While it is great for all parties involved, it continues to be my yearly  reality check.  I often tell people how grateful I am for my loving husband who recognizes that in order to homeschool, work on my writing, and support our students from our Bradley classes that I really *cannot* do it all. I love and appreciate him all the more for his hard work that affords us the luxury of a nanny when we are without her.

It also makes me reflect on what I really want for myself and for our family.  Is it really important to be a up on the latest and greatest research, and trying to be a social media maven: building an audience, tweeting and Instagram-ing all day long? Not if it means that Crazy Mama shows up…because I haven’t gotten enough rest…because I am trying to keep up with it all when I should be sleeping.  I can truthfully say that I don’t like her very much, and that is not the person I want around our Sweet Peas.

So far, it has been a good “dress rehearsal” for the upcoming school year.  When our nanny is around, the last three hours of her day with us after we finish “school” is usually “me time”.  It is the time I use to work on writing, post to our blogs, answer emails, make phone calls, meet a friend for lunch…in all likelihood, that is going to be gone next year.

For the first time, I will be “officially” homeschooling all four children this September.  Otter and Charger will be working on the Sonlight PreK Core together; Night Owl and Puma are starting on Sonlight Core C (Intro to World History – II)  together.  My time to homeschool has increased by at least another 2 hours.  So if I want to exercise, homeschool, sleep, breathe and pray….you guessed it – the computer time is going to take a lower priority.  to say nothing of being the supportive spouse I want to be to Coach Bruss.  Yikes.

My foray into the social media world has been wonderful.  I enjoy connecting with other like-minded individuals from all over the world, and learning from them based on what they share about what they know.  I would be sad to give it all up.  I really like to be scheduled, so this summer is a great opportunity to play with that schedule and see just how it’s all going to fit in if I want to have computer time – and I do want to squeeze it in!!

I cannot help but go back to, “But, Peaceful Mama!” At the end of the day, my children will not care if I got to interact with the amazing people I learn from on the internet, or the latest and greatest research that I read and can use to improve our classes.  Especially if Crazy Mama shows up and takes a shift or two.  We all hate it when she shows up – it means that yelling and sad tears became part of our story.

Recognizing that I can be two mamas and which one shows up is up to me – that is part of the lesson I learned when I did the life coaching with Blue Russ last summer.  I know I feel better about my role as a mother (and myself as a person!) when Crazy Mama who yells and carries on is on vacation, and Peaceful Mama  who operates from a place of trust and respect that honors our children as whole, complete and worthy individuals is the one running the circus.

As I keep going back to my desire to be Peaceful Mama every minute of every waking moment, then I have to start to embrace the idea that I cannot do it all.  I am human.  I have to find joy in what I can do, and keep in mind that I am being who I need to be so that I can mother the way I want to mother – Peacefully.  If I am meant to be the public speaker that I want to be, then I need to keep in mind that the door will open when the time is right.

Until then, I must keep attending to the four people that inspire me to be better and do better every day.  They deserve Peaceful Mama, and have a right to my time and my energy above everything and anything else because we chose to invite them into our lives intentionally, and they are wonderful gifts that are to be enjoyed, as the saying goes, In The Present.

I also want to be the best childbirth educator and mentor that I can be to the students that chose us to walk on the journey of birth with them.  I want the students attending classes as new parents to get a great, fresh class every week.  Most of the focus is to help prepare them for the BIrth-Day.  We know that is just the beginning of the journey! We want to be a place for them to come for help and guidance.  I get the same answer: we cannot do that if I am too tired, or short on time to answer questions or respond to emails.

So I guess I found my truths:
1.) Peaceful Mama + Loving Wife
2.) Best childbirth instructor I can be
3.) Everything else

What are your truths?  How did you discover them?

Post-script 7.19.15:
The one things I can see is that my priorities were right on.  The Sweet Peas and I are so good with Peaceful Mama being in the driver’s seat more than 90% of the time.  And, connections with our students over the last three classes felt to be in a good place, too.  So, writing everything down ended being like a goal-setting. It worked out well this time!!

Traveling This Path + Going The Distance

Even though I am going to preface this post with some opening statements, I apologize in advance if it rubs you the wrong way.  This post is written with love in my heart for all the parents that are choosing to stay home with their children, and maybe still miss working sometimes.

Who this IS NOT directed at:
1.) If you are working outside of the home and you are happy with that choice.
2.) If you are working outside of the home and you are not happy with that choice.
3.) If you have to work outside of the home and you want to stay home.
4.) If you do not have to and do not want to work outside of the home, and are perfectly content staying home.

If 1-4 above apply to you, then you are at a different place than I am.  I have actually invited our students who would describe themselves as fitting into one of those categories to share their perspective, and I will be posting their thoughts as I receive them.

If you do fit into categories 1-4…then today’s post was not written with you in mind.  I wrote this to encourage primary caregivers who are home after leaving the workplace.  If this isn’t you, treat this post as the dish on the buffet line that you *do not* want to try, and peacefully move on to other things on the Internet that appeal to you.  Consider that there is no need to leave a flaming comment because I already recognize that I am not speaking to you.  We are on different paths, and I honor your journey, as I hope you will honor mine.

Image source: http://no-shame-in-my-game.tumblr.com/page/2

Image source: http://no-shame-in-my-game.tumblr.com/page/2

This post is written with a heart to encourage those of us who intentionally transitioned from the workplace to be stay-at-home parents.  Although that was our choice and we are usually at peace with it, sometimes we have moments, maybe a whole day (or longer…no judgment!), where we might wish otherwise:

Do you ever have days when you miss your old workplace?  Can you believe that you “gave it all up” to be at home with little people?  Do you, like me, sometimes have twinges of envy when you see friends and classmates receiving accolades and making announcements about how their career is pregressing?

If you have felt any of these things, I want you to know that you are not alone.  Although you made the choice to stay home with your child(ren), know that it doesn’t take away from the person that you are, and the person who was capable, probably even excellent, in the role you were in before you made the decision to stay home.  That person is still alive and well inside you; breathe that in for a moment.

For me, there are times when being “mom” felt so stifling and unfulfilling, especially when I saw/see other people my age doing things I wish I were doing.  Even though I believe in my heart of hearts that parenting intentionally is the greatest work in the world, it doesn’t mean I am happy in this place all the time.  We all have our moments.  I think the key is to ackowledge the feeling, and then rise above it by reminding ourselves why we made this commitment to our children in the first place.  

Parenting intentionally means that we recognize our children as whole human beings, no matter what age and body size they happen to be wearing at the time.  It means that we believe that responding to their needs will encourage their self-worth; by meeting them where they are, we are building a parent-child relationship founded in trust.  Trust that when they have needs, we will answer them.  Trust that we will not abandon them.  Trust that even when they are at a loss, they are still loved and that we will show up for them.  By showing them they are worthy, they learn that they are valuable and lovable. I believe they start to build a self-confidence that will be harder to erode as they get older and exposed to ideas and people outside of the family.

When we parent intentionally and choose to stay at home, that is a huge commitment of our time, what some might consider an intersection with most productive years of our lives.  I can’t tell you how worthy the work you are doing is going to be in the long run.  It is something you will have to trust: Parenting intentionally and staying home with our children is Worthwhile.  It is a Work. It is a long-term investment that will pay dividends years from now.  

Find your places to breathe, know that you are also worthy.  “Fill your cup”, as the saying goes, so that you can be present and loving with your children.  Recognize that parenting intentionally is meaningful work, and just as you took time to recharge after a long day in your old workplace, you still need to do that to be able to keep giving as a parent.  

At the same time, I encourage you to create a reciprocal relationship with your child(ren).  Parenting intentionally does not mean to give selflessly or to become a second-class citizen as you meet the needs of your child(ren).  Model a healthy relationship with your co-parent.  Show your family love in your words and your actions.  It is okay to tell them that you do things because you love them and you treasure them, instead of giving them the impression that you are a slave to their demands.

What about the days when you have reached the end of your patience? Use your words, even if you are telling them you are angry and you need a time out because you love them so much you don’t want to hurt them in your anger.  Convey your words in an Opera Voice, so maybe you will all end up laughing.  Chant “OM” to demonstrate that you are trying to find another breath.  Change your space, go for a walk, play with or in water…model for them all the ways to channel extreme emotion so that they can learn how to express themselves when they are feeling big emotions.

We are in a place where the dividends are starting to show now that they are older. We are beginning to see the results of the time we put into the relationship with them.  We hear it from their babysitters and adult instructors that they truly are exceptional little people who are a delight to be around.

Now that I am experiencing the people they are growing into, I am grateful I opted to stay home with them instead of going back to work or spending more time on (insert technology of choice here). The face time and attention you are giving them now will yield amazing, thoughtful, kind, independent human beings who are the future of the change we want to see in the world.

If you are a working parent and you have read this far down…yes, I know you are capable of raising equally thoughtful, kind, independent human beings…we have taken different paths to the same end.  I honor you for your choices and applaud you for being able to work and parent intentionally with the same fervor I have for the path I am traveling.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you are doing a great job with your kiddos, and try not to feel like you are missing out.  Our time with them is fleeting.  In the grand scheme of things, they will probably live well into their 70s, if not 80s or 90s.  We get about 18 years of that lifespan – make the most of it.  You will not regret it. 

Image source: http://www.susoutter.com/2014/01/what-kids-want-most-part-2.html

Image source: http://www.susoutter.com/2014/01/what-kids-want-most-part-2.html

By the same token, if there is really something in your heart, go for it!  Sometimes we have an all or nothing approach to life.  I have always wanted to get my PhD.  Because I pretty much blew off my first three years of college, I really have to hit the reset button and start over.  If I waited until the Sweet Pea Kids were grown up to do that, I would have another 14 years of pining and letting that desire eat away at me…I don’t need more reasons to envy others.  Instead, I have decided that it is doable and that I am okay with taking it slowly.  If I do one class per semester, then 14 years from now, I can take that “empty nest” time to write my dissertation, instead of starting the whole process from scratch.  

Image source: http://lifehacker.com/never-give-up-on-a-dream-just-because-of-the-time-it-1495765921

Image source: http://lifehacker.com/never-give-up-on-a-dream-just-because-of-the-time-it-1495765921

That happens to be my dream.  Do you have one?  If you know it, what small step can you do in the next day-week-month to start moving in that direection?

If you do not know what is going to feed your soul after your children claim their amazing lives thanks to the confidence and independence you have instilled in them, take some time to reflect on what that is so you can start making plans now.  You will need something to fulfill you; and one could make the argument that making them the whole center of your life is not necessarily healthy now, or in the long run, for either of you (musings about that HERE).

When we follow our dreams, we also have the opportunity to teach our children the beauty of discovering their gifts, and using them to fulfill themselves and help others.  Circling back to where we started, having our own treasure, our own burning desire, will make it easier to get through those days when we wonder what we were thinking as we look at the small tornado that is our home life that day.  

So own it.  Be the stay-at-home parent you want to be, live here and now with your child(ren).  Find what feeds your soul so that you can show up as a whole person for your family.  Enjoy your Sweet Peas, drink them in, encapsulate all these little moments.  Some day we will have all the time we thought we wanted, and our homes will be quiet, and we may miss all the chaos.  I believe we will reap a second harvest when our children fill it again with the love and laughter of the next generation being raised in love.

 

Tales from the Toddler Side: Tantrums

We have had a rough Spring as parents. Daddy Bruss and I have parented three children already; we’re thinking we have this parenting thing figured out…and along came Otter.  She is growing us again – literally since her Birth-Day we have had to be willing to learn other ways, because very little of what worked with our other children is working with her.

Her huge tantrums this Spring all started with a transition in our home.  We switched around the use of some rooms in our home, and she got her own room.  She was totally unsettled and she could not understand how she had her own room, and was still welcome in our room (we co-sleep). Moving her clothes out of our closet and into hers, and her toy box from our room to her room; those were especially challenging.

While transitioning, the hallways and the normally empty spaces are stacked high with boxes.  This was totally foreign to Otter – she is the type of kiddos that likes her structure.  This was a total mess within the walls of her safe place.

On top of that, there was a weekend when I was gone most of the day for a training workshop.  And if that wasn’t enough, her Daddy flew out and was gone for four days, one of which overlapped with the time I was gone.

Cue meltdown.  And another one. And another one after that.  At the height of tantrum season, she was having 2-4 meltdowns a day. We had a good six week stretch where we had some pretty long and interesting days.  “Struggle” is an understatement.  I felt like the worst mom in the world.  Almost everyday, I wondered how I going to keep it together when 25 pounds of toddler was breaking me down at every turn – nothing I did, or didn’t do, seemed to abate the tears and the tantrums.

It was pretty brutal.  She was hurting herself, and lashing out at me with pinching fingers and hitting hands.  The depth of our emotions surprised me.  I knew I loved my child, and then again, I felt such resentment for the places we were going emotionally.

I have worked so hard to find my Peaceful Mama and keep Crazy Mama at bay. It was **really** hard to take those deep breaths on the days when Crazy Toddler showed up instead of my sweet baby girl.

I struggled between giving in to her demands to stop the self-harm, and shutting myself down because I could not handle it anymore.  Truth be told, it was hard on all of us. There were days when the other Sweet Pea kids acted out because they saw that meltdowns got my attention and were a priority. It was akin to that metaphor of putting out fires and never getting ahead.

There was one particular moment that stands out in that whole stretch of time.  A little frame: at the same time that we are going through all this emotion as a family, I am also doing some work on identifying archetypal voices for a class I am taking. Out of the blue,during one of the interactions with Otter when she is hitting me, this message comes through to me loud and clear, “When you hit me, I feel like you don’t love me.”

BAM. Lightening moment. I fell to the floor in tears, realizing that my reaction to her hitting is coming from a deep place of feeling rejected and unloved as a child.

For the record, I was a child in an era when spanking was the accepted form of discipline, and I wasn’t abused.  It simply was the mainstream way to do things, and in all other ways I knew I was loved.  We always had a caring home environment, food, clothing, and lots of affection otherwise.

Recognizing what was being triggered inside of me as Otter was hitting me was a turning point. In my Adult, I can reason with the Child statement and write a new story: “My parents love me, they did the best with what they knew.  My child loves me, she is acting out of a place of feeling powerless-fear-hurt-anxiety-insert feeling here.”  Knowing and being able to inner-dialogue worked really well to shut down Crazy Mama when the hitting started, and bring in Peaceful Mama right from the start.

We are on the other side of this rough patch now, and that is such a relief.  We survived because first of all, Daddy Bruss came through in a big way and acted as the fire extinguisher when things got out of hand.  No matter the time of day, he would pop out of his home office and help bring the volume level down. We were also a united front – we both gave Otter the message that self-harm was not acceptable, and that we loved her too much to let her hurt herself.

I also got a much needed “day off” to reflect on what was happening, why it was happening, and what I could do as the mother, the nurturer, to help get our family through this season of tantrums.  Here are some of the things that came into focus that day:

  1. I took the time to think about each child’s love language, and wrote down ideas on how I could meet fill their love tank on a daily basis.
  2. I took to heart Dr. Laura’s advice that we are our child’s “North Star”.  When you have four children, finding time to interact with each one intentionally takes, well, intention. So I created a system to keep track of whose turn it is to get ‘private time” with Mommy and Daddy.  Then, actually using the system – that has been *huge*.
  3. I wrote down what I expected from myself as the mother, where I was conflicted, and some steps to bridge the gaps between wanting to be a guide for our children, and actually being the guide I know I can be for them.
  4. I committed to bringing back (for myself) more of the structure that I crave. If I start the day on my schedule, then I feel on top of my game, which in turn affects how I feel about my abilities, positively impacts my emotions, etc., and that facilitates a day with Peaceful Mama at the helm.
  5. I decided that we were only going to work together in our homeschool for 25 minute stretches at a time.  This gave all of us a break from each other, and we also found that there was more fun in each day.  It has worked so well, that this is going to be the standard for our homeschool days going forward.

The good news is that we are all still in one piece, and things are much better “for now”.  Here are some resources that helped me focus on what Otter needed from me as she was struggling through all the emotions she was feeling:

Dr. Harvey Karp
http://www.happiestbaby.com/learn-about-your-baby-toddler/faqs/#tht

Dr. Laura Markham
http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/angry-child-triggers-parent-control-self
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/toddler-tantrums

MindBodyGreen
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18351/5-kid-friendly-yoga-poses-to-help-your-child-avoid-a-meltdown.html

Quote from Charlotte Mason
“Every day, children need something to love, something to do, and something to think about.”

How about you? Which ideas or words of wisdom have helped you survive a toddler tantrum?

How a Homeschool Day looks at our house

A recent question on social media made me think about how we run our homeschool day.  The question was akin to, “How do you homeschool your older child when there is a needy younger sibling running around?”

I will preface my answer with some transparency.  Homeschooling works well for us because I have been blessed with two amazing helpers.  We have sacrificed some budget items to finance this luxury; very worth to me it since it means that my sanity is intact.  One helper works M-W, and the other one works TH-F.  When our children were younger, my helpers were “nannies” in the traditional sense: when I wasn’t babywearing, they entertained the smaller children so I could homeschool the older children.  As our children grow, they all seem to want to be in the school room at the same time and/or they are old enough to entertain themselves.  Now the “nannies” have taken on housekeeping duties: laundry and meal preparation, interspersed with child care.

Before we had a nanny (2 children in the family at time), I would homeschool when the younger sibling was napping.  Which meant maybe 2-3 sessions scattered throughout the day.  As that sibling grew out of naps, then we would wait to homeschool until Daddy Bruss got home from work.  He would spend time with Night Owl while I “played school” with Puma.  It took me a couple of months to figure that one out.  It took a while for the idea to sink in that homeschooling didn’t have to happen during traditional school hours.  “Homeschool” just means allowing learning to happen at home – the bonus is that it can happen anytime that it is convenient as the day unfolds!

If I had to run the homeschool and take care of housekeeping with four children, our life would be much more chaotic.  I would probably make different choices about how to run our days.  For one, would be eating a lot of cereal and crock pot meals (which is what we did pre-nanny, and that was okay, too!).  Thanks to our helpers, we eat a lot of healthy, whole food prepared from scratch every day.  It is a blessing that I thank God for *every* day, especially during the summer when they get time off to recover from the Bowman clan!

So, having said that, what does a typical school day look like for us?  I will share the general outline, plus share ideas to entertain younger siblings while you are spending time with the older children.

Our homeschool day actually starts the night before.  We use the Sonlight curriculum for the older three, and we used Horizon for our preschooler.  Both curriculums include parent/teacher guides, so I lay out the materials they will need for the next day ahead of time.  It gives me the opportunity to glance at what the following day will entail and prepare any activities.  An added benefit of laying everything out the night before is that allows for any early risers to get a head start on their schoolwork that they can do without me: handwriting, math review worksheets, language arts review exercises, reading.  It motivates our kiddos – they enjoy being the first one to finish and have more playtime.  Works for me!!

Our school day ususally starts at 8:00 am with the younger two (Charger and Night Owl).  I set the timer for 25 minutes, and they get my undivided attention until the timer rings.  We will read their books, play games, sing songs, do their worksheets – basically work through our checklist until the timer rings.  Once the timer rings, it’s time to switch “teams”.

The cycle starts again as I work with our older set of children (Puma and Night Owl).  I set a 25 minute timer and focus my attention on them.  We usually start their day with the Sonlight “Read-Aloud” list so that they start the day with art or some other quiet activity (building, puzzles, play dough, etc.) as they listen and ease into the day.  When the timer rings, the older set get a break to play or help around the house, and the younger kiddos get my attention again. And so progresses our school day, in 25-minute segments.

We all take a break for snacks and meals.  We also do a “recess” after lunch. It’s usually around 25 miuntes while I check and answer pressing emails, or make phone calls. Once the breaks are over, the timer starts again.

So that is our day in a nutshell.  Although it is somewhat tedious to live by a timer, it works for our family.  The Sweet Pea Kids even ask if it has been set! We usually start “school” at 8 and finish by 1 or 2 pm.  This system takes longer than if I barreled through the day or worked in longer time blocks.   Why I stick with it: all the kiddos get my attention through the course of every hour, and their learning time is paired with playtime, which makes them happier scholars when it’s time to focus.

To add variety, sometimes we will homeschool in different settings.  On occation, I set up in the kitchen.  We have three outdoor areas at our home that are available when the weather is good.  Other days, we have gone to the library or a park with a segment of the day’s work for all of us to have a change of scenery.

BLOG ww140521 spf.01

We also take the time to do activites outside of the home throughout the week or month.  Most Friday mornings are spent outdoors.  We take advantage of children’s programs at museums or the mall in our area.  There have been times when we participate in programs at the zoo.   A great benefit to homeschooling is the flexibilty to take a “field trip” on off-peak days.  This allows us to spend a whole day out with the kids enjoying an attraction with little to no lines.  I plan one “field trip” every month.

140122 wwSPF.4BLOG ww 1113 spf.4Another way to keep ourchildren motivated is to have what we call a “Reading Day” or a “Reading Week”.  Aside from the read-alouds, the older set have 7-8 subjects we work through every day; and the younger set have about 4-5*.  “Reading” means that all we do on those days are the read alouds; plus their own grade-level reading, math and logic. All Thursdays are “Reading Day” because that is the day we host preschool.  It lowers the stress level considerably by scheduling less. If we focus, we are finished before the parents and children arrive for the Preschool Playdate, then they have the rest of the day to play.  In addition, every six weeks I schedule a “Reading Week”.  All of us enjoy those!

Over the last year, the younger two have decided that maybe they want to stick around the school room even if it isn’t their turn with me.  I am a believer that the younger children learn by osmosis, so they are welcome to be around while I am teaching the older children as long as they are not distracting us. They can paint, use play dough, do puzzles, play quiet games (memory, dominoes), etc.  There is an expectation that they must play quietly so the older siblings can focus on their learning activities.

If the preschooler and the kindergartener do not want to play quietly, then they are asked to go play away from the school area, or to help the nanny who will put them to work. If they opt to help out, it is a passive opportunity to learn life skills.  By helping with laundry or with meal prep, they are learning skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives.  In addition, as they help, they are still learning: sorting (math), recipes (reading), measuring (math), mixing (chemistry!), in addition to exercising their gross and fine motor skills…it’s all good.

Now you know what homeschooling looks like for our family.  If you homeschool, how does it work at your house?

Check out the Homechooling page under the RESOURCES tab for links to our favorite homeschooling websites.

*School Subjects
For Puma and Night Owl:  Science, Spelling, Reading, Language Arts, Handwriting, Creative Expression (writing), Math, Logic, Spanish, French
For Charger and Otter: Reading, Math, Logic, Handwriting, Spanish

Summer Reading List – Mama version

Surprisingly, I have actually managed to finish quite a few comedic and/or “chic lit” books so far this summer. TV shows being on hiatus combined with trying to rest more have been an awesome combination for extra reading.  But I have also pulled out some new and old parenting books that I plan to read or re-read this summer too, if any mamas are looking for some family related reading they are all below with a few thoughts!

paperbacks!

Sacred Pregnancy: A Loving Guide and Journal for Expectant Moms
Anni Daulter

sacred pregnancy book
If you find yourself less inclined to stay up to date with the week-by-week pregnancy updates online or via a phone app during a subsequent pregnancy but feel like you don’t want to completely ignore the changes taking place in your body each week, this is a great alternative! The book is set up for a few pages each week talking about various things that may be happening with you or baby that week, way less clinical and more spiritual, and also gives a topic you can journal about that week and a small activity to honor yourself and/or the baby growing inside of you! I have this on Kindle version but so wish I would have ordered a physical copy as the illustrations look so beautiful and there is probably room to journal right inside the book which would make it such a special keepsake even once the pregnancy is over.

Parenting from the Inside Out
Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. & Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

parenting from the inside out book

I love everything about this book! It is NOT an easy read by any means and I have only made it about half way through but if I ever get some quality, uninterrupted time to read I like to pull this up on Kindle and am always highlighting passages and taking numerous notes. It is written by a psychiatrist and early childhood and parent educator and is very straightforward and scientific at times. It delves into how memory works, how certain parts of the brain develop and work, and is centered on emotional intelligence, self understanding and reflection. It also lays out very specific ways for us as parents to grow and understand ourselves and our children more. Everything is very practical and I learn a TON every time I pick it back up. Before the book begins it states “This book will encourage you to build an approach to parenting that is founded on basic principles of internal understanding and interpersonal connection. The anchor points for this approach to the parent-child relationship are mindfulness, lifelong learning, response flexibility, mind sight and joyful living.” These are all principles that were important to me and my husband long before having children, so this book really resonated with me on all levels. I would highly recommend if these are things that are important to you in your life as well!

How to Raise a Healthy Child… In Spite of Your Doctor
Robert S. Mendelsohn, M.D.
I have had this book for awhile now and have never actually read it, I have just used it as a very useful reference guide. The index has everything you could possibly be wondering about and you can flip right to the appropriate page. I really want to sit down and take it in cover to cover though, I know I won’t remember everything but I think there is probably a lot of useful preventative information that would be nice to have in the back of your mind before you are in the thick of a OH MY GOODNESS MY BABY IS PEEING BLOOD AND HAS A FEVER OF 104!!!??? episode. It does a really great job of providing a balance between treating at home and when to seek care, most everything I have read doesn’t seem too liberal or too conservative, just logical paired with the author’s actual experience as a medical doctor.

kids are wroth it!
Barbara Coloroso
This book was recommended by my wonderful doula and mama to seven, Rose, so I knew it would be a good one. I have only got through seven of sixteen chapters but have really loved it so far. Chapter Two talks about “three kinds of families” and I found it to share a lot of similarities with Dr. Laura Markham’s (the next author on the list) four parenting styles. Some parts were a tad overwhelming to me as they address some very typical patterns and behaviors that we have fallen into with our toddler without even realizing and/or thinking about it. It definitely prompted me to want to make many positive changes in the behaviors we use to encourage him to change his behavior. There are also a lot of tools of self reflection in this one, ways in which to honor our own feelings as parents and how to work through them while still being our best selves for our children. One of the main themes throughout the entire book is how to empower children, something I really appreciate and try to keep at the top of my mind at all times, can’t wait to finish the rest!

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
Dr. Laura Markham

I have probably said this before, particularly when I reviewed seeing Dr. Laura speak earlier this year that while the book is very feel good and has many great messages, I find most of it very hard to apply to toddlers in particular, especially ones that are not yet verbal. There are only 17 pages specifically for the toddler ages, 13 months – 36 months, which is obviously what I am most interested in right now. I think there is a lot of “big picture” information too, showcasing what ideal circumstances will look like when you and your child are connected, instance, etc, but it was sometimes hard for me to find information helpful for specific circumstances we find ourselves in that are hard to deal with. Some of the techniques are helpful, like offering choices, making a game out of hard times like bath, brushing teeth, etc. but I also find us a lot of time going through all of those tools and still ending up in a tense place. I think there is a lot of great information for “preventative” work with our children though, and the overall theme does really seem to be self care and connection to help avoid as many negative situations between child and caregiver as possible. I am happy to keep this book around and think I will re-read it many times during the school age years!

The Discipline Book
William Sears, M.D. & Martha Sears, R.N.

I picked up this book when looking specifically how to handle discipline with my two year old. I found that during age 1 he was still learning and exploring and there was only keeping him safe and guiding him, no discipline. As we approached his second birthday it was clear that “discipline” was needed. Discipline has a very negative connotation but I am not referring to punishment, just a way to reinforce important rules to keep him safe, provide structure, and understand age appropriate behaviors along with what I could expect him to understand, etc. Because this is what I was looking for I only read Chapter 1 “Our Approach to Discipline” and Chapter 3 “Understanding Ones, Twos and Threes.” I really liked the information as it was easily presented, easily digested and practical. I did feel that some parts were focused on setting limits and providing structure around “age appropriate behaviors” but what exactly is age appropriate wasn’t defined, as it varies from child to child? That was a hard one for me because it was what I had struggled with before I even picked up the book, what is appropriate to expect from my 18 month old? What does he actually understand? What is he actually capable of? This has gotten easier as he has transitioned into two and now into two and a half. I have a better grasp on his understanding and capabilities even though he still doesn’t talk much, and revisiting this book as well as reading ahead will definitely be helpful!

What are your favorite mama or family focused reads? Is there anything you have heard of but just haven’t picked up? I know I have been meaning to find Raising Your Spirited Child as well as The Whole-Brain Child I just need to get through the rest of the above first!