Category Archives: Monday Musings

Monday Musings: Taking Action

Not a very long post today – I am heading down to the State Capitol to meet with some other home birth advocates and a state representative sympathetic to our goal to Kill SB1157.

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It was so disheartening to see the bill passed on a party-line vote.  I would like to think that people can think for themselves…this was clearly not the case.  NO THANK YOU to the four Republican *women* who voted against evidence-based birth.  THANK YOU to the Democrats (2 men, 1 woman) who stood up for Arizona’s women and their right to choose their birth place even if they are not what the medical community considers an ideal candidate for home birth.

If I can find it, I will post the video from last week’s meeting so you can watch this dismal facade called “testimony”.  It was deplorable how the side for evidence-based birth is held to one standard to fight for their rights, while the medical community is given a pass to even offer one shred of evidence or “gold-standard” research for the “statistics” they offered.

I encourage all of you to get involved with birth politics in your community.  Get informed, and form a community of evidence-based advocates.  I am sure that ACOG and other anti-home birth factions are watching the proceedings in Arizona…the fight may be on your doorstep before you know it.

Personally, I am looking forward to having some action plans.  Hope you all have a great day!

Out of the loop and want the scoop?  HERE is a great summary of the bill, why we are opposed to it, and some action steps you can take to advocate for evidence-based home birth from Sink Full of Dishes.

Monday Musings: Baggage and Lightening the Load

I am still working so hard on forgiving and forgetting.  I find myself carrying around hurt feelings from things I will probably never be able to change.  I find myself judging instead of just loving.  I want to release those things so that I can achieve the lightest heart for the most joyous journey with our family.

Two things happened this weekend that I am hoping to remember so that I can let go, lighten the load, and grow into living free from the extra emotional baggage.  Let’s just say Saturday and Sunday were very eye-opening days.

Have you ever heard the saying that goes something like, “Be kind to others, for you do not know what kind of load they are carrying”?

I just found out that someone who I often poke fun at in private conversations with my husband is a survivor of abuse.  I could not have felt more unkind or undeserving in that moment of realization, and by taking a look through a clearer lens, I can see how well this person is doing, and be even more in awe of the difference they are making in the world.  I will now just let those idiosyncrasies I used to poke fun at alone, and not comment on them anymore.

It also helped me to remember that people in my own family are abuse survivors.  While I do not need to enable their behavior, I also need to stop taking it personally.  I can do my part by being more thick skinned, remember why sensitivities are there, and love them instead of judge them.  I cannot  imagine the things that they may be carrying, so better to make their journey easier than add additional roadblocks to a healthier path for them.  Realistically, anything I hold onto only hurts me in the long run.

Something we heard in our Sunday sermon yesterday also convicted me…it’s a quote from G.K. Chesterton, a British writer and lay theologian:
“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.”

We live in a day and age when our children see excess.  It’s all about me-me-me and having more, and a  “click for likes” mentality.  It reminded me of another intention I had this year of wanting to do more serving.  No one forgave more, or overlooked more, or loved more than the example we were given of a man named Jesus.  He came to love and to serve.  His message was love me and love one another.  If His followers live that mantra, would we really engage in endless wars of all kinds?

There are so many ways that I could be more Christ-like: minister to others, give more, love more, and serve more.  He ate with the sinners and the rejects of society, and taught indiscriminately – he didn’t save his message for his own people – it was a message of love and redemption for the world.  I definitely need to get more uncomfortable and be outside of my comfort zone in order to really and truly Live Love.

How much easier it would be to forgive and forget like I want to, if I just remembered to love and to serve others.  I need to explore more about the difference between enabling and loving, however, I feel like that is a good starting point.  I want to arrive at the waypoint in life where I stop worrying about what others think and do, whether it influences my life or theirs.  Instead, turn the focus inwards: what I am thinking and doing to make this a more joyous journey for people in our community, my family and the people in our circle of influence.  If I concern myself with doing more and doing better I suspect there will be no time to fret over inconsequential things.  There will be nothing to forgive and forget because the gaze is constantly moving forward, and that is where I want to be – growing.

So, good-bye, proverbial baggage.  I am checking you at the curbside.  I am getting on the next train and moving forward without you.

Monday Musings: Slow Down

Slow down – Look your children in their eyes everyday – childhood is fleeting…

This is the gist of what *is not* an original mantra today…I just saw this and wanted to share it with you just in case you haven’t discovered the artist’s page on facebook – you can place an order there if you want to hang this lovely reminder to slow down every day:  https://www.facebook.com/slowdownmummy1

Ironically, I had a day today where I did slow down.  As I have started a calendar/organizer system again, I look at the day and week ahead at night before I go to bed.  I knew that today, we had to get Puma ready for her field trip with her grandparents, so we had to get an early start to her schoolwork.  I didn’t have any anxiety about letting Night Owl have a longer playtime after breakfast because I knew he and I would have some one-on-one time this afternoon to get his reading done.  I knew that this is a day when we are not having to leave the house until 6:00 pm for our activities, so I would have all day to do school with them however it happened, and get writing done.

Oh.My.Gosh.  It was awesome.  Besides a lovely school day with all the Sweet Peas, I did a puzzle with Charger – just he and I.  Otter wanted to do two puzzles…and we did those, too.

Now…to figure out how to do that on days when I haven’t looked at the schedule the night before, or how to do that when the days are beyond full.  They are the most important thing to me – I know that deep in the core of my being.  Time after time I am reminded that they will not remember what I did when they look back at their childhood – they will remember the time we spent together.

I wish I could make every second precious, make every second count.  I wish I was uber-crafty or a gifted baker, or that I loved to spend hours in the kitchen, and still get our schooling done.  Although I am not those things right now, I can do what I do best – read to them, play with them, and remind them that they are loved.

How do you carve out time to spend with your Sweet Peas?  
Do you feel like you have a good system in place to care for them and get the rest of what you “do” done?

If so, please share!  I still have a pile of mail that needs attention…

NEW Monday Mantra

This morning was a great opportunity to go back to my management training days.  Puma was acting out over a simple request.  It was pretty out of character for her to go this far over the deep end over a 15-minute piano practice session.

So I got up, removed myself from the situation by saying, “I can see you are upset.  I am going to allow you some space while I go get ready,” and went on to get ready for my day.  (Since my coaching sessions with Blue, I am doing so much better at breathing and allowing for space – even Coach Bruss has noticed!! Yeah!)

As I was getting ready, I asked myself the question, “What is REALLY going on here?”  Last week, she had been ready and willing to start practicing piano again.  Now today she is telling me she wants to quit.

I had the AHA! moment – she is excited about a new skill.  She just learned how to do “the cups” song today and she is stoked!!  She wants to devote her time today to perfecting that skill, not be bothered with the trivial and mundane.  Duh.

Therein lies the beauty of homeschooling.  Does she really need to do her school work today?  Really?  Or is that just me, wanting to complete my checklists?

So I approached her, and asked her for a minute of her time.  I recognized her excitement, offered her a solution, and now we are back on track for a peaceful day.  It is SO simple if I can remember to go back to stillness, breath and reflection.

What helps you get to that place of slowing down and finding a solution?  I would love to read what helps you so that I can keep adding to my mantra wall.

Monday Musings: Living Gentle

This is one of Cassandra’s favorite quotes that she shared with me over the weekend.  As it turns out, it is exactly what I needed today.  We have a second child down with a crazy fever.  Lying in bed with her today, cradling, nursing…when I had fun art projects planned, writing and posting to do…ugh.

This sense of UGH could have permeated our whole day if I had let it.  Instead, I am just breathing.  Breathing before I speak.  Breathing before I write.  Breathing as our nursling latches again.

And so far, so good.  I have caught myself a couple of times and changed my tone.  I chose to be flexible and simply set-up the art project without participating.  The work that resulted was great…one more confirmation that letting our children think and create for themselves is a great thing!

So, on this day that could have been full of the side effects of my disappointment, the kiddos have had a pretty decent day.  Puma made nutritious smoothies that also turned into popsicles, the only thing Otter has eaten today, besides chocolate chips.  Now Puma and Coach Bruss are making chocolate chip cookies (which was supposed to be “our” thing), and it will probably turn into the second thing Otter eats – LOL.  I can hope that we can all look at today and learn that gentleness and self-control are possible, even when things don’t go according to plan.

The silver lining?  Thank goodness that Otter is still nursing.  She is refusing ibuprofen and most food, so skin-to-skin, liquid food is just what our toddler needs right now.  Everything else has gone on, the world is not going to end because I didn’t get to do what I had planned today…nourishing and nursing this sweet pea back to health is definitely the best choice I could make for today.

Thank you, Parenting Wild Things, for the great mantra and the beautiful image.  HERE is a link to the post that featured this image.

Monday Musings: Trust that you know

There are so many books about raising your child(ren).  There are so many experts with an idea, a book, a product to sell you that is going to solve all your childcare woes.

Except they are missing one thing.  They are missing what you know.  You, that may have carried your child for nine months.  Their DNA resides in your brain – you are literally connected to them.  If you are an adoptive family, there is still a connection that comes from living with your child.  With no preconditions or bias, you are open to receive the information that they offer about themselves.  You Know Them.

You know what you know.  Listen to what your heart is telling you.

  • Does your child fall asleep nursing?  Do you both get to sleep that way?
  • Does your child like to sleep next to you?  Can you find a safe sleeping situation so that you can stay close?
  • Does your child like to be held?  Can you find a great wrap that let’s you hold them and still tackle your List for the day?
  • Does your child leave food on their plate?  Are they developing and achieving growth milestones? And have you considered that maybe you are serving too much food?
  • Is your child refusing a certain food? Have you considered that maybe they have a food allergy and they are not being defiant or playing games?

From sleep, to feeding, to schooling, to play…everyone has an opinion.  I am going to write more about infant sleep tomorrow…these are just some thoughts that are rumbling around in my head as I research for that post.  It is so important for us as parents to Know That We Know Our Children.  No book, idea, or product has a sure-proof guarantee that it is the right thing to pursue with your child.  Only you can know that, and sometimes after trial and error.

I love the idea that I learned in La Leche League…treat all information sharing as a buffet…take what appeals to you/ works for you, and leave the rest.  Trust your instinct, love your child, and make the choices that you know are right for your family.  When you make a decision from a place of love, it is pretty hard to go wrong.

Monday Musings: Being Gentle

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We are working on being “gentle” – all of us.  With me, I am mindful to be gentle with my words.  I know that my words are not just words.  The tone, the meaning – they are all conveyed and sometimes the message gets lost.

With our children, we are really trying to drive home the idea of “gentle words” and “gentle hands”.  They get frustrated so easily, and the easiest way for them to express that is to lash out by yelling or to using their hands.

Do you have any books that you read to your kiddos, or websites that have helpful tips to teach children about being gentle?  We like aha! parenting, as well as Love & Logic…time to go back and review some articles!  Please leave your suggestions in the comments – thank you!!

Monday Musings: Time

My heart catches in my throat just about every time I look at Otter these days.  She is two weeks away from turning two!!  Even more amazing, big brother NIght Owl is turning six a couple of days before her birthday, Charger just turned four, and Puma is marching along to her ninth birthday.  She has already started counting down until her 16th birthday so she can drive.

S.T.O.P. growing!!!!  Please.

I think it is hitting me harder, because just about now would be the time I would be pregnant if we were still growing our family.  I am still processing the idea that I will never be pregnant again; I will never be a part of that miracle of creation.  It’s a big one for me because it was an amazing experience – the pregnancy, the movements, the births…the babies.

And yet, I am thrilled to see them grow.  We are out of the baby phase – we have four children now.  They are all learning, growing, exploring new skills and new vocabulary.  I am watching Puma’s writing take off and seeing her internalize and use her math skills in all kinds of applications; Night Owl is really learning to read; Charger is so excited to be doing school this year; and Otter – she just loves life.

Her new favorite thing is stacking things up and jumping off.  May God have mercy on us and send us his Angels to help us.  Really.  I want to protect her and yet I know she has to figure out this hard surface thing on her own.  I hope and pray she doesn’t break anything, and in the meantime, I try to sneak in a pillow here and there to break the fall.  We encourage her to stack things with us so that we do them on the tumbling mats and there is some supervision and protection while she explores her boundaries.

I treasure our nights when we are back to just our snuggly children, and I can still cradle them like when they were my babies.  We can finally say we almost have a bedtime routine.  We take our Juice Plus+ and fish oils, everyone brushes their teeth, and then we read out loud before the kiddos pick out “the movie”.  Lately, we barely even make it to the movie – you guessed it…Night Owl is the only one who is still awake.  Yeah for less screen time for most of them.

I have noticed that I don’t sing to the children as much as I used to sing to Puma when she was a baby.  I am trying to be mindful to do more singing.  Can you help me out?  What are some of your favorite lullabies or night songs?