Category Archives: Family

There is always Grace

Sorry I have not been very active on here this week.  We did some spring cleaning and are preparing for a very special guest and event this weekend.

So while I don’t have any ‘day in the life of” writing to share today, here is a story from a couple of week’s ago.  We are very spiritual people, although I wouldn’t say we are religious.  Whenever the opportunity comes up to share the grace of God, I feel called to share it.  Maybe someone reading it needs a reminder that there is a bigger picture and a master plan.  Maybe someone needs to know that we are loved.  We certainly felt all of those things as we reflected on the day.  Most of all, we are just continually humbled by God’s grace and mercy…we know He loves us because we see His hand in our children’s lives over and over again.

It took me some time to process the day…sometimes it’s hard to let go of the “could haves” and “what ifs” and get to the unending praise.  Here is how we found out that Otter is very reactive to scorpions, and why she will never get to walk barefoot on our patio again.  Thank goodness we have some grass for her to enjoy.

Otter’s Scorpion Story

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Sunday morning: usually involves craziness as we get ready to go to church.  In addition to the usual crazy, we were getting ready to host a class reunion for our Fall 2012 Class later that day.  Daddy Bruss and Otter were outside, moving furniture, and getting ready to clean the coolers.  A scorpion was under one of the cooler, and Otter unwittingly stepped on it when the cooler was moved.

Daddy Bruss came in calling my name.  The fact that he was saying “Krystyna” over and over again instead of calling me Mommy tipped me off that something was wrong.  I met them in the kitchen and we put her foot over the sink to rinse it off.  We made a baking powder paste on her foot, and held her there with some ice.  She wanted to nurse, so we did that, too.

We texted our amazing chiropractor to check in with him.  He does this “thing” where he can check in with us remotely…he suggested a baking soda paste…checked off the “we did the right thing” box and thought we were going to be in the clear with this sting incident.

She calmed down – we calmed down.  Ten minutes later, we got her off the counter and we went on with getting ready.  Kids dressed, food packed, it was my turn to get in the shower…and Otter starts crying inconsolably.  She said her “peepee” hurt – I thought maybe she was feeling a little numbness from the sting.  Then along with crying she starts to spit…this was not looking like the after-effects of the other children’s scorpion stings.

We called poison control and found out that if she was spitting and her symptoms were intensifying, we should go straight the hospital emergency room.  We loaded everyone up in the car, I quickly rinsed my face, and I hope I brushed my teeth!

As we were pulling out of our community, a caravan of bikers – hundreds of them, blocked us.  They were not going to let us pass – they were exercising their right of way.  I started banging on the windows, and Bruss rolled down his window to tell them we needed to pass – we were on the way to the E/R.  They were blocking traffic for fully two miles.  They took up one whole lane, and another lane was blocked by construction barriers – not a lot of room to maneuver when you are in a rush to get to the hospital.

Meanwhile, Otter is still screaming & spitting…cue the vomiting…. and I am beside myself.  I am begging Bruss to honk the horn and roll down the windows so we can tell these people to move over.  I don’t know how we got to the hospital in one piece – it was a lot of crazy driving.

Once we finally get past the bikers and the traffic blocks, the hospital E/R entrance we are familiar with is gone!  Due to construction, everything is re-routed there, too.  We finally get to the door.  I jumped out with Otter and ran into the E/R.

I quickly tell the desk person that a scorpion stung our daughter, and that poison control sent us to the E/R.  She takes one look at Otter and puts a call in to take us straight back – and straight back we go.  Within a few minutes, we have a doctor there with three nurses and a respiratory therapist.  He tells us the course of treatment, gets our consent, and starts the process.

Somewhere in here Bruss grabs my phone and calls his sister, Cindy, to see if she can come take care of our older children so they don’t have to be in the E/R with us. She is available, and comes over to watch the kiddos.

As part of the consent, I tell them I will only consent to them trying to put an IV in Otter if they will find their best person to do it.  I tell them, “I know I sound like a crazy mother – I am telling you her veins are tricky.  They look good, but they blow the minute you put pressure on them.”  They give me their pat answer…and proceed to blow two veins in her foot that they thought “looked good”.  I contain my, “I told you so!”

Now they really believe me and call up to the pediatric unit to have someone come down.  The charge nurse arrives, and she blows one in the crook of her left arm that looked good.  One of the other nurses who has been holding her arm points out a vein up by her shoulder that looks good and strong.

Up to this point, I had been singing her Twinkle Little Star in Spanish.  I can tell the nurse is freaking out a little, and I want to pray but I don’t want to stop singing, so I start singing the Lord’s Prayer so Otter can hear my voice and I can still say a prayer. 

 The pediatric nurse is nervous about it, and the other nurses chime in and encourage her to try anyway.  “A vein is a vein,” they say, and lo and behold, it goes in.

Praise God – we have a line in and they can start the medication, known as “anti-scorp”.

Doctor is holding her shoulders and stabilizing her head, one nurse is holding her left arm, Bruss has his hand on her chest, another nurse is holding her hips and knees, I am at her right side making eye contact and talking to her, and then to my left is the respiratory tech with oxygen and the “vacuum” to keep her from choking on her saliva and vomit.  Three rounds of medication go in…the saliva production is starting to slow down.  She is still screaming bloody murder and insisting that she is done and wants to go home.

The doctor assures us that all the symptoms we are seeing are the effects of the venom: screaming, thrashing, spitting, vomiting, eyes shuddering and unable to focus.  He points out how easy it would be to believe in demon possession when you see all these symptoms exhibited at one time.

We have to keep holding her as we wait for the timer to tell us that it is time for the next round of medication…she doesn’t like the cold feeling and gets amped up again when the fourth dose is started.  That runs it’s course and her eyes settle down a little and she isn’t thrashing so much.  The vomiting has stopped, although she is still spitting a bit.

We still have to calm her as we wait for time for the fifth round.  The timer is up again, and the fifth dose is administered.  By the time the fifth round is done, her eyes are able to focus again, the saliva and spitting are under control, and she is still asking to go home now.

We were able to let her up after that fifth dose.  We asked that they tape up the IV line because it was clearly bothering her.  Good thing they did because the first thing she did once unwrapped her from the swaddle in the sheet and her arms were free: she went straight for the IV line.  My “mama quick” reactions blocked her hand and I tucked it under my left arm as I cradled her.  She was still agitated and unwilling to sit still.  We walked a couple of laps around the nurse’s station.  After a few minutes, she had settled down enough to nurse.

Thank God for nursing - once she was settled it was exactly what we both needed to connect and feed our tired girl.

Thank God for nursing – once she was settled it was exactly what we both needed to connect and feed our tired girl.

Within 5-10 minutes she was sound asleep.  I heard her breathing start to sound labored, so we asked the nurse to check her.  She called the doctor and came to listen herself.  We were assured that it was probably just the congestion in her sinuses from the fluid and the crying.  Doc came in and confirmed that.  We were kept for about an hour after the last dose for observation.

Finally sleeping peacefully after an eventful morning.

Finally sleeping peacefully after an eventful morning.

As we are waiting, I start to get texts from students.  I wonder how they found out we were in the hospital…when one spills the beans…they saw a post on Instagram and wonder if she is okay.

Instagram??  I take a look at my account.  While the kiddos were in the waiting room with my phone, Puma took a picture of she and Charger, and posted a plea for prayers for our family since Otter was in the hospital.  I was touched to the point of tears – what a blessing that our eldest daughter’s first instinct in a situation like this was to post a prayer request!

Otter woke up, they took one more listen, signed off on us going home, and took out the IV.  We left not a moment to soon.   As we were leaving, another patient who was being administered CPR was waiting to be wheeled into the room we had vacated.

We went home, where Cindy helped get the kiddos settled, took a take-out order, and went off to Rubio’s with the older three to pick up lunch.  Bruss and I got ready for class and our reunion.

I taught the early-bird class, we held the class reunion…and then it was time to regroup and reflect on the day as a family.  Somewhere in the events of the day Puma shared with me that she had been so scared; so she pulled the boys into a corner at the hospital waiting room and led them in prayer for Otter and the doctors taking care of her.  Again, from the mouth of babes: pray – call on His name for all things.

We went around the room and each of us shared:
Me: Thanked the kiddos for their amazing teamwork and behavior.  Thanked Puma for remembering to pray, Night Owl and Charger for behaving, Daddy Bruss for getting us to the hospital safely.

Puma: Aunt Cindy not being in yoga class that morning so that she could come take care of them.

Night Owl: Thankful Otter was okay now, and for our family

Charger: Was thankful for the doctors that took care of Otter

Daddy: The scientists who developed the medicine and the doctors and patients who tested it.  He also thanked the kiddos for being amazing today.

God’s hand in all this:

  • Otter was stung during the day – we “have heard” that the best staff at the hospital is the day shift.
  • She was stung by a mature scorpion that measures it’s dose of venom.  Baby scorpions give you all they’ve got since they do not know how to regulate their sting.  Given Otter’s severe reaction, I cannot even begin to imagine how much worse it could have been.
  • Finding a usable vein with only two people trying, and finding it within minutes when the second person tried to run the IV.
  • A doctor with a newborn daughter who was moved to personally provide care the whole time Otter was being administered the medicine, instead of leaving a nurse or PA to take his place.
  • Cindy was not in yoga class as she usually is on Sunday mornings and she was available to come down and help.
  • Puma, Night Owl and Charger were visited by a therapy dog in the waiting room.  Her name was Lexee, a Red Setter…looked so much like the dogs my Nana Mil used to have…hi, Nana <3…a reminder from heaven that God is always with us.

It was a scary day.  It was a day that worked God’s blessings and grace in so many ways.  As I read over the story again as we brace ourselves for another full and wonderful weekend, I am reminded of the lesson Puma taught me…just pray and receive the grace.

P.S. Big props to the E/R crew at the Chandler Regional Hospital that morning.  I love that we received care in a Catholic hospital.  IMO it never hurts to have the Holy Family on your side when you are receiving medical care.

Thoughtful Thursday: Identity Crisis

We all know them – are them – have been them…the parents who post pictures of their children non-stop.  Here is an excerpt from one mama’s admission and explanation (emphasis mine):

 I share my pictures because, like every mother on the planet, I think my kids are adorable (no, but really mine *are* adorable). I share because, as pathetic as this sounds, the attention is validation of sorts. I can’t get A’s anymore — and forget about being recognized for my achievements (like getting my son to pee before leaving the house — why is this so hard?!) So what do I have? “Likes” and comments about how cute my kids are.

I share because my pictures tell stories about our daily lives and our adventures. I share because my pictures create a dialogue with other people.

And perhaps the biggest answer is that I share pictures of my kids because spending time with them is what I’m doing with my life.

Written by Jen Simon for Kveller.com – excerpt from The HuffPostBlog

While it’s a lovely and honest explanation for her behavior, I implore parents to remember who they are at their core. We owe it to ourselves, first and foremost, to preserve that identity so that we can care for others from a healthy place.

Whether you work at home or away from home, do you know who you are?  Do you know what your core values are?  Are you living them, and would your children (or anyone else) be able to name them based on your actions?

I invite all parents, whether you are at home or away during the day, to shake things up.  Who are you?  And then be honest: if you are living for your job or your children, think about changing that.  It has been my experience that remembering our “core” selves keeps us from making decisions that are harmful to our psyche.  Choices that are aligned with our values keep us from sabotaging our lives.  From here on out, I am going to continue with children as the main focus…feel free to replace that word with whatever is your major focus right now if it is not your child(ren).

Burying our value under or behind our children is at the very least, stifling, and it may only get more oppressive as time passes.  We submerge ourselves underneath our children.  We pretend that life is perfect.  We forget who we are as we talk ourselves into the idea that “this” is what we are doing with our lives.  What if “this” turns into living with regret, guilt, dwelling on lost opportunities?  These emotions may manifest themselves later, in emotions such as anger (rage), depression and other disorders.  Those things do not benefit us, or our children.  And so begins the crack in the dyke.  Unchecked, the tide of destructive behaviors ends up hurting the sweet little children we use as tools for validation from our peers.

HERE is honesty from a woman named Isabelle who was not true to herself.  This mom who “gave it all up” shares her legacy: she is not happy about her choice, and you hear regret about her life.  How many other parents feel that way?  I bet we can all think of someone.  What it is like to hear that raising children was not worthwhile, and that the lost time can’t be replaced?  They are loved, albeit in an interesting way, that is for sure.

I admire Isabelle’s commitment to raise the children she agreed to bring into the world.  She saw her role as personally giving them the best start.  That is a noble commitment, to parent out of a moral obligation to do well by them.  In addition to that, I strive to parent our children with love and respect.

As part of parenting them with love and respect, I want to honor them as their own people, separate from me.  I saw myself turning into “that” mom who over-shared.  I made a conscious choice that I had to have an identity outside of my children because I have worth apart from them, and they have worth apart from me.

While I treasure the time with our children, I have come to realize that spending time with them is not what I am doing with my life.  I am living to nurture children who can become compassionate, creative, critical thinkers.  My commitment is to create a learning environment for them, not being validated by them. My life is also fostering a setting that inspires me to be better, do more and grow so that I can be the best parent I can be for my children.  I want to meet them where they are.  I can only see with clarity if my own lens  isn’t being smudged or filtered with buried regrets or resentments of all the things I am not doing because I “have to” take care of them.

I would like to think that those of us who parent with good intentions want their children to be happy and successful.  For myself I wonder, how do I teach them to create their own happiness, value themselves, their autonomy, and their personhood if mine is non-existent?  I propose that we need to actually be happy, not just pretend to be happy in cropped and filtered social media snapshots of “perfection” that garner “likes”.

I encourage parents who find their identity and seek validation from their adorable children to take a minute to reflect.  Why is that important to you?  Can we find *you* on your social media, or just your children?  Aren’t you worth remembering?  Are you doing something to be proud of outside of your children?  If not, consider digging around to find out where you went.  If you want your children to be strong and independent, show them how to be autonomous.  If you want them growing up with a healthy respect for humanity, show them a human worth respecting for their individual value.

It is possible to be a good parent without losing yourself in your child.  It is possible to have social media accounts that are not covered with pictures of your child.  If you have an extended family stretched around the world, maybe you could consider a “secret” group (facebook) or a private blog or webpage that is password restricted.  That way you can keep a private online record for family to follow without compromising your child’s right to create their own persona.

Beyond that, you are worth it.  You deserve to find your passion and live life to the fullest, with children that make the living even more enjoyable because you have wonderful souls to share and journey with as you live.

A little postscript from the woman who decided to run a contest to increase submissions for wordless wednesday…feeling slightly hypocritical…still, food for thought:

I want my children to learn that they have a voice, and I want them to have the freedom to create their own identity.  I came to the realization that if I post pictures of them from the time they are born until the time when they are no longer living under our roof, I have created their public persona.

We are starting to hear that schools and employers ask for access to a potential employee’s social media accounts.  We know that technology can identify faces electronically.  That means that in the future, anyone can form an opinion about them based on my portrayal of their person.  That frightens me, and it is also sobering.  They deserve to define themselves.  It is their right, not mine.

Personally, I make every effort to only post pictures that are in side or back profile.  If there is one especially amazing photo that shows their full face, I ask permission before sharing.  And if they say, “NO!” or “no”, then I do not post them.  I have recently taken that position with the #wordlesswednesday submissions – if multiple photos are submitted, I will choose the images that demonstrate the theme and reveal the minimal amount of the child’s identity.  It will certainly make me think twice about the themes I choose going forward.  While I believe that images help normalize attachment parenting, the tricky part is that breastfeeding and AP necessarily involve a minor.  Hmmm.

Aha! Parenting & Seeing Dr. Laura Markham

A couple of weeks ago I heard that Dr. Laura Markham was coming to the town I live in, Pacific Grove, and would be speaking at the charter school just down the street from my house.

dr laura markham

I knew I had to go because 1) seriously this is such a small town and being so close (but-not-so-close-when-you-have-a-toddler-and-one-car-and-a-million-logistics-to-consider) to Santa Cruz and the Bay Area I was actually kind of shocked at how convenient this venue was for me and 2) Dr. Markham’s blog & then book have been a sound resource for us for quite some time. We have talked about her website on SPF before and I also read her book as part of a mama book club back in May.

dr laura book club

follow us on Instagram @sweetpeabirths!

I bought my ticket & headed out alone Tuesday night, Moleskine and pen in hand. It was a great talk + Q&A and even though I already really liked the Aha! Parenting site and the book I enjoyed Dr. Markham much more in person and was so glad that I went. I will try to recap most of what was discussed as best I can below!

There were three key takeaway’s Dr. Markham wished for everyone to remember:

“You always have the power (as the parent) to calm the store or blow it up into a tornado”

“Parenting is only 10-20% guidance and 80-90% connection.”

And the parenting “sweet spot”, empathetic limits.

parenting graphic

              

“You always have the power (as the parent) to calm the store or blow it up into a tornado”

In order to be able to help or calm a difficult situation with your child Dr. Markham recommends that you first need to regulate your own emotions.

>> Don’t take it (whatever your child is doing/saying/etc) personally.

>> Remember you are the role model.

>> It is not an emergency.

>> Stop. Drop. Breathe

>> Don’t act while angry.

When a huge tantrum is taking place, a road map for how to react would look like this:

Calm yourself (Stop. Drop. Breathe.)

Admit your contribution to the incident (were you distracted & not listening to your child? talking back aggressively or rudely to them? being dismissive?)

Connect with your child (stop what you are doing, look him/her in the eye, hold him/her, etc.)

Empathize (understand his/her perspective). You have to actually care about your child’s point of view and needs in that moment.

Set a Limit (we don’t yell/kick/talk to each other like that no matter how upset we are).

Help him/her work through their upset.

“Parenting is only 10-20% guidance and 80-90% connection.”

Because children will not accept guidance without connection. Even if you respond to your child with compassion and empathy in the moment it won’t work if there isn’t more 24/7 “preventative maintenance” connection between the two of you.

Connection Power Tools 

*empathy

*roughhousing & laughter

*special time: one-on-one, uninterrupted, unstructured time that is directed by your child

* time- in’s – holding space so your child feels safe to work through their emotions, they need to either cry or laugh to make themselves feel better during/after a tantrum or meltdown. They may not want you to physically hold them but being right there will allow them to know you are present & available whenever they do need you.

All emotions and needs your children have are ok, we should allow all feelings, it is just some behavior that may need to be limited. Emotions drive behavior, so in order to change behavior we need to help them with the feelings that are actually driving the undesired behavior. Once they can manage their emotions they will be able to manage their own behavior. Which leads us to the next topic…

The parenting “sweet spot”, empathetic limits

Dr. Markham does not teach that being as connected with your child as possible means having low expectations of them. It is actually high expectations that will help teach them and give them opportunities to practice self discipline. She does not believe in punishment or imposed consequences, bribes or yelling as a way to achieve desired behavior.

Punishment does not work to improve behavior because it does not address the underlying cause of what is driving that behavior, your children will only learn to lie to circumvent punishment, act out in other ways, and not learn to self regulate or self discipline. Self discipline is the act of giving up something you want for something you want more, and in order for this to develop we need the repeated experiencing of having to chose, in order to “practice.”

It is also beneficial to empower your child to repair. Instead of punishing them, work together to come up with a way to “right” the behavior. Many children, especially strong-willed ones, are experiential learners. They have to *want* to do something, and arbitrary consequences made up by a parent will never appeal to their personal integrity.

How to Enforce Limits:

> Get in your child’s face in a friendly way

> Empathize/ Give Wish Verbally (“I know you want to keep playing and I bet when you are older and live on your own you will always play straight through dinner and not eat, but in our house we all eat together so right now it is time to stop playing and eat with us.”)

> Side step a power struggle by giving choices

> Invite cooperation with playfulness

> Ask her/him to help to solve the problem

> Let them discover natural consequences

Dr. Markham also talked a bit about how human emotion works and that most often we “stuff” our emotions down into our body rather than experiencing them. This manifests as a myriad of health problems: stress, disease, etc. and research has also shown the same affect on the body for people who yell regularly. By allowing our children to “feel” we help teach them that emotions are normal and safe. Crying in children has shown that it helps them to heal, reduces anxiety, and builds resistance. Giving them a safe place to cry, in or out of our arms, and not distracting them from it are all extremely helpful in the long run.

It was a very informative, fast paced, two hours, and although this post attempted to pull it all together in a digestible form I really encourage you to check out her blog or book for more examples and further explanation.

I do find that a lot of the techniques are not as easily applicable to toddlers, especially non or less verbal ones.  A lot of these practices are based on “age appropriate” expectations and gauging what is or is not appropriate for your specific child. I had hoped to ask Dr. Markham if she had any reccommendations for resources that were helpful in understanding more of what is age appropriate for 2/3 year olds not yet talking much but didn’t get a chance to as there were a lot of questions and I needed to get home for T’s bed time (: This is definitely my next avenue of exploration though, maybe it will warrant it’s own follow up post! That being said, even though I feel like there is only so much T & I can actually work together on (he will be two next month and only uses ~5 words) I feel like these ideas and tools have helped lay a great foundation for me. I am able to practice the self regulating techniques, I can “talk it out” with myself even if T isn’t comprehending as practice, and I have to say I have gotten pretty good at surrendering the “power” and side stepping struggles that don’t actually matter.

Does anyone have any other insight to share regarding punishment, natural consequences or enforcing limits emphatically? Do you enjoy the Aha! Parenting blog? I would love to hear from anyone with older children as my parenting experience thus far is limited & I have always found the subject of emotional regulation very fascinating!

Upcoming Events and Other News

Happening over on our Sweet Pea Births Blog this week:

Events for Friday, February 7th HERE with storytimes today and free concerts.

Events for the weekend (Feb 8-9) HERE listing one of our favorites – the animal encounter at the Audubon Society, plus info on the Renaissance Festival and free kid’s crafts.

We have gotten word that some insurance-company provided breast pumps are failing…HERE is our research into that and suggestions to communicate with your insurance company.

Wishing you all a great weekend!  We will not be on-line very much between teaching class tonight, the opening of The Lego Movie, dance classes, student playgroups, birthday parties, a horse show, a committee meeting, a class reunion and a bonus class for our students…praying that Peaceful Mama makes it through the weekend.

Time to re-read my notes to myself about what I learned from Blue Russ!!

Here are a couple of images of the sensory bin we will be using at playgroup today and tomorrow.  We liked the pink, red, and white.  Then, Night Owl had the idea of adding purple so we tried it – we all like the way it turned out.
Soft:
Cotton balls
Foam hearts
Puffy hearts

Hard:
Cups
Spoons
Heart Containers

Size:
Lima Beans and Navy Beans in Big, Little and Medium

Ridges:
Cups
Puffy Hearts

Also have tea lights, scoopers and pourers for measuring and pouring.

BLOG Valentine Sensory Bin.2 BLOG Valentine Sensory Bin.1

Monday Musings: Baggage and Lightening the Load

I am still working so hard on forgiving and forgetting.  I find myself carrying around hurt feelings from things I will probably never be able to change.  I find myself judging instead of just loving.  I want to release those things so that I can achieve the lightest heart for the most joyous journey with our family.

Two things happened this weekend that I am hoping to remember so that I can let go, lighten the load, and grow into living free from the extra emotional baggage.  Let’s just say Saturday and Sunday were very eye-opening days.

Have you ever heard the saying that goes something like, “Be kind to others, for you do not know what kind of load they are carrying”?

I just found out that someone who I often poke fun at in private conversations with my husband is a survivor of abuse.  I could not have felt more unkind or undeserving in that moment of realization, and by taking a look through a clearer lens, I can see how well this person is doing, and be even more in awe of the difference they are making in the world.  I will now just let those idiosyncrasies I used to poke fun at alone, and not comment on them anymore.

It also helped me to remember that people in my own family are abuse survivors.  While I do not need to enable their behavior, I also need to stop taking it personally.  I can do my part by being more thick skinned, remember why sensitivities are there, and love them instead of judge them.  I cannot  imagine the things that they may be carrying, so better to make their journey easier than add additional roadblocks to a healthier path for them.  Realistically, anything I hold onto only hurts me in the long run.

Something we heard in our Sunday sermon yesterday also convicted me…it’s a quote from G.K. Chesterton, a British writer and lay theologian:
“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.”

We live in a day and age when our children see excess.  It’s all about me-me-me and having more, and a  “click for likes” mentality.  It reminded me of another intention I had this year of wanting to do more serving.  No one forgave more, or overlooked more, or loved more than the example we were given of a man named Jesus.  He came to love and to serve.  His message was love me and love one another.  If His followers live that mantra, would we really engage in endless wars of all kinds?

There are so many ways that I could be more Christ-like: minister to others, give more, love more, and serve more.  He ate with the sinners and the rejects of society, and taught indiscriminately – he didn’t save his message for his own people – it was a message of love and redemption for the world.  I definitely need to get more uncomfortable and be outside of my comfort zone in order to really and truly Live Love.

How much easier it would be to forgive and forget like I want to, if I just remembered to love and to serve others.  I need to explore more about the difference between enabling and loving, however, I feel like that is a good starting point.  I want to arrive at the waypoint in life where I stop worrying about what others think and do, whether it influences my life or theirs.  Instead, turn the focus inwards: what I am thinking and doing to make this a more joyous journey for people in our community, my family and the people in our circle of influence.  If I concern myself with doing more and doing better I suspect there will be no time to fret over inconsequential things.  There will be nothing to forgive and forget because the gaze is constantly moving forward, and that is where I want to be – growing.

So, good-bye, proverbial baggage.  I am checking you at the curbside.  I am getting on the next train and moving forward without you.

New Year’s Resolutions: 2014

New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day are quite possibly my two favorite days — the excitement of the evening, the opportunity for reflection and reminiscing and the promise and possibility of a new year. Every year for the past six years my husband and I have made a big deal out of preparing our resolutions on January 1st, each year seems to bring a different kind of format.

2014

One year we did vision boards, a vision of our entire year. Things we wanted to remember each day, things we wanted to accomplish, things to look forward to, mantras, new skills to master, etc. We got to cutting out of magazines, printing pictures & sayings off line, arranging and glueing. We hung the boards in our office where we could see them every day. This was a particularly fun one, I don’t know how much accountability this year had though — the boards had ALOT on them, probably enough for a lifetime, rather than just one year. Super fun nonetheless and I would really like to recreate this activity when our little T can participate.

Another year was more SMART goal oriented, very specific with specific plans in place to quantify, measure, access & evaluate and hopefully accomplish. These are great and my husband and I both LOVE checking things off of to-do lists but as we grew we became more focused on making the journey count, rather than just the feeling of completion.

The next year we focused on themes or sayings for the year, did we want this year to be about growth, or appreciation, kindness, calmness? Sometimes it was just a word, sometimes a year long mantra that could be placed on the refrigerator or other high visibility area.

At the end of 2011 I was expecting our little bundle of joy and knew I had BIG changes ahead of me in 2012. I was not returning to my job outside of the house and life as I knew it was going to be 100% different. This time I made “tasks” or reminders for each month, I knew this year was going to be about survival and necessary adaptation I would be ebbing, flowing, and changing all over the place and thought it would be nice to have little things that I could look forward to and accomplish. They included things like:

January – go to 4 prenatal yoga classes

March – write in baby blog each week

April  – don’t stress!

May – practice sewing

September – plant a garden

I really liked this format too, it wasn’t too overwhelming and I actually crossed off a lot of items! It made the coming and going of each month kind of fun too (:

Last year I came down with the worst case of the flu the day before New Year’s Eve. We had reservations at our favorite restaurant to have a much needed date night out while baby stayed at Granny’s and we had to cancel. I was throwing up for two days and finally just turning a corner on New Year’s Day. We were staying with family and hoping to relocate soon and I am not sure if we actually made any concrete resolutions, this year turned out to be one heck of a crazy ride though and I could not possibly be one bit happier with where we are now!

I am not exactly sure how our “resolutions” are going to manifest this year — I saw this on Facebook yesterday though and we are definitely going to make these jars!  If we can keep it up over the next couple of years I think it will be so awesome to help T with a jar of his own.

I do know that I want to be more present this year, appreciate more of what is happening around me right then, find a way to help our toddler (& us!!) sleep more, learn to & practice sewing (this has been on the list for years, is 2014 the year!?), meditate more and a lot of other things I need to think on // regardless, it is going to be a great year welcomed in with champagne and some hoppin’ john, collards and cornbread!

What are your resolutions for 2014? Do you have any New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day traditions? How do you include your sweet peas? Happy New Year!!! <3

 

 

Happy Holidays

First of all, let me start by wishing you a very happy holiday.  This year has been an adventure for us, including the decision to start a new blog.  We appreciate all of you who are reading, commenting, and sharing your journey with us, and allowing us to share with you.  You inspire us to do more and to be better.  Life on the green path is not always easy, it sure is worth it, though!!

We may be posting sporadically over the next two weeks.  Our husbands are going to be off of work, so we will be spending most of our time with them and our kiddos, instead of on the computer.  We will be posting pics over on Instagram, please feel free to follow @sweetpeafamilies and see how we are spending our holidays.  You can also follow us on twitter (I tweet early in the am before the Sweet Peas are awake) if you want to see green living – family related info we share.  Our twitter handle is @SweetPeaFams

I want to close out this year’s “official” posts with these tips to stay safe over the holiday season.  Here is an excerpt from an article entitled, “Be aware of latest product safety measures, recalls when shopping for toys, AG advises”:

According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission’s, there were an estimated 265,000 toy-related injuries treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms in 2012. Of those injured, more than 70 percent were children younger than 15 years of age. [emphasis mine]

You can read the whole article at KyForward.com http://bit.ly/1c7DEmV.  The article lists several recently recalled children’s items, including a lamp that was sold at IKEA from 1999-2013.

And here is a safety list from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital:

Doctors at the Comprehensive Children’s Injury Center at Cincinnati Children’s and theAmerican Academy of Pediatrics give the following tips on toy safety this holiday season:

  • Parents are encouraged to read all warning labels carefully before purchasing any item.
  • Consider a child’s age, interests, and skill levels when purchasing toys.
  • Look for toys with sturdy construction and avoid items with sharp edges and points.
  • Choking is one of the leading causes of toy-related death. Most of these deaths are attributed to toy balls, latex balloons and small magnets.
  • Small items can be risky for young children. For children under age three, choose toys that are at least 1 inch in diameter and 2 inches long, so they will not lodge in a child’s mouth or throat.
  • Beware of toy jewelry that may contain lead or cadmium. Both substances can be harmful to children who put items containing these chemicals into their mouths.
  • To prevent both burns and electrical shocks, don’t give young children (under age 10) a toy that must be plugged into an electrical outlet. Instead, buy toys that are battery-operated.
  • Watch for pull toys with strings that are more than 12 inches in length. They could be a strangulation hazard for babies.
  • Parents should store toys in a designated location, such as on a shelf or in a toy chest, and keep older kids’ toys away from young children.
  • Be extra cautious about toys that are handed down from friends and relatives that may not have warning labels. Inspect these toys carefully and use your best judgment.
  • Be careful with button batteries found in toys. If ingested they can become lodged in the esophagus causing serious injury and even death.
  • High power magnets can be found in some toys and if a child ingests more than one they can attract to one another and result in serious injury or even death. Seek medical attention if your child ingests one or more magnets.
  • Once the gifts are opened, it’s important to quickly discard plastic wrapping.

Read the whole article, Toy Safety Advice for Children During the Holidays at The Global Dispatch http://bit.ly/1jq8jBu

Remember the little tip that anything that fits through an empty toilet paper tube is a choking hazard.  Also be aware of staples, plastic fasteners, and stiff paper – all can scratch, puncture or cut your child.  We run the vacuum early and often when we are all together!

One last reminder that they don’t mention in either article: be sure to watch your children in the kitchen.  We have a “no play” expectation in our home.  They know that the kitchen is “HOT”, and that they need to walk and move slowly when they are in there.  We encourage you to designate someone in the group as the “kiddo wrangler”, and make sure that the Sweet Peas are clear while the stove is on, and the oven is opening and closing.  Make sure all knife handles are out of reach, and that there is nothing dangling on the edges that they will be curious about, or try to use to pull themselves up.

That being said, enjoy the holiday season with your Sweet Peas!  We will definitely be kicking off the New Year with a Holiday Wordless Wednesday – take your fun pics, and send your shares to sweetpeafamilies{at}gmail{dot}com.

Do you have any holiday safety tips to share?

 

Tidbits & Soundbytes: Asking for help

We are this family on a journey to “green” our lives.  The constant inspiration and motivation to live for wellness is our children.  We want them to have the best opportunity to live long, healthy, lives, so we feel like their best opportunity begins by building healthy habits.

Recently, I wrote about wanting to “green” our household cleaners.  Within the week of stating that goal publicly, we had an episode where one of the conventional cleaners our housekeeper used literally made Night Owl throw up – twice in the same day.  After airing out the house, he felt better.  That event definitely kicked me in the butt to make my desire to find greener cleaners into high gear, and turn it into a reality.

I will admit – I am a little afraid of our housekeeper.  She is a no-nonsense type of gal, and she is very particular about the way things are done.  On top of that, I don’t want to add more to her workload of cleaning for our family of six.

After fretting about it for a week, I finally came up with a solution.  I printed up different recipes that I gleaned from our Learning to be Green Pinterest Board.  I approached her with them the next time she cleaned for us.  I asked her to look them over and share her thoughts.  I told her I only wanted her to experiment with whatever appealed to her in the bathroom which we use the most.  Almost all the surfaces are represented there: tile, wood, glass, and definitely areas that need disinfecting.

As it turns out, by honoring her area of expertise, explaining my concern, and asking for help, we got a win-win for everyone.  She shared an idea that wasn’t on my list and will require no extra cleaners…just water and a good steamer.  She also told me that if Night Owl was getting sick, she was not going to bother with the bathroom.  She said she would do the whole house for us using the different recipes on the list I printed up.

I could have cried!!

So, in about the same amount of time that it usually takes her and her partner to clean the house, we got a “green” clean, the house smelled of refreshing peppermint from the Dr. Bronner’s castille soap, and no one threw up later on.

Lessons I am adding to the Tidbits & Soundbytes page:

  • Being humble and asking for help can yield surprising and positive results.
  • If you ask nicely, you can achieve the goal you want without having to tell someone what to do, and sometimes you get a better idea than the one you started with.

Has asking for help yielded positive results in your corner of the world?

Real Life With Baby: First Christmas

This idea was shared by one of our Fall 2012 Sweet Pea Births alumni students.  Her son is now nine months old and starting to pull up on objects.  This blockade would be ideal for a pre-walker or pre-climber.

Here are her three easy steps to a baby-proof Christmas tree…

Christmas Box Blockade:

1.) All I did was take large rocks or cinder blocks and put them in heavy-duty boxes. Produce boxes or boxes gallons of water come in work well – they are double walled.

Double-wall means:
BLOG cbb.1 box

This is what she used:
BLOG ccb.3 cinderblock BLOG cbb.2 box
2.) I taped up the box with packing tape and wrapped them in foil paper so it wouldn’t tear, and I wouldn’t have to rewrap them!

3.) I placed them around the bottom of the tree and voila! Instant baby fence.

BLOG cbb.4 madden.2If your kiddo is already climbing, this may not be what you want next to your Christmas tree.  This collection of grounded boxes provides them with a perfect wall to climb…not a bad thing – just probably not something you want next to your treasured holiday decorations.

What are your holiday baby-proofing tips?

Happy Thanksgiving 2013

Wishing you and your Sweet Peas a very blessed day.  We enjoyed doing lots of baking today!  I would love to read about some of your holiday traditions.  One of the beautiful things about growing a family is that it is never too late to start your own!  What did you do today?