Category Archives: Family

Preschool Playdate: Oktoberfest

Play date: October 1, 2015

Fun little side-note…as I searched the internet for ideas for this playdate, I discovered that apparently some preschool teacher decided to serve apple juice in child-sized beer steins to celebrate Oktoberfest in her classroom…LOL. That is a direction we definitely did NOT go.

Anyway, my inspiration for our playdate came from a beautiful map book Charger was gifted this summer. The book is called “MAPS” by Aleksandra Mizielinska and Daniel Mizielinski. HERE is an image I found of the page online:

MAPS Germany

I went through and created categories from the images on the map to start brainstorming.  I also explored Enchanted Learning to see what kind of ideas they had, and voila! Our playdate was pulled together overnight.

— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)

— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)  Skipped this part last week since our group was so big and the discussion of the theme was a little longer.

— Discussion of theme: Used the MAPS book to point out different parts of Germany and German heritage/contributions to our modern culture.

Stories: Brothers Grimm, Hansel & Gretel, Snow White, Musicians of Bremen
Composers: Bach, Beethoven (I guess Handel not included since he is considered a British composer?)
Inventions: Printing Press – Johannes Gutenberg, Beach chairs, Aspirin – Felix Hoffman, Cuckoo Clock
Dogs: German Shepherd, Dachsund
Food: Gherkins, Pumpernickel, Roast pork, Dumplings, Breads (including rye, pretzels), Sauerkraut (pickled cabbage), Weisswurst (white sausage)

— Storytime – worked some unsquiggle in by handing out felt figures before story time and having the Sweet Peas listen for their piece to be named. When they heard it, they brought their piece up and put it on the felt background.

— Unsquiggle activity Also skipped – it was time to get the Sweet Peas moving!!

— Poem/Song before we break for Centers: “Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone?” since we had talked about German Shepherds and Dachshunds during the theme discussion.

While the families arrived and during center time, I played classical music written by German composers in the background.

STORY TIME
I had the story of  The Musicians of Bremen in one of our schoolbooks from last year. There are more words than pictures, so I created images and felt pieces to use as I read.  I held up the cards to show the contribution of each animal to the band: “lute”, “drum”, “night music” and “music”.  Before we started storytime, we handed out the felt pieces for the children to bring up and place on the felt background as they heard their piece named in the story.

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Look under the “Discovery Table” for image source list.

LITERACY CENTER
This was an edible center – yum! Always fun for preschool playdates 🙂
I cut out the capital letter of all the preschool age guests and their younger siblings. The Sweet Peas would then find the letter of their first name (or a friend or sibling), and then cover the letter in pretzels. Eating happened all along the way!

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Find the original idea HERE on “The Educators’ Spin On It”

MATH CENTER
Counting With The Dogs:  This is a center of my own creation that incorporated German dogs, dice, and patterning.

Level 1: Place correct amount of items onto a numbered plate
Level 1a: Roll 1 die and count out the items to match the face of the die

Level 2: Create a pattern and continue the sequence. When we play this, I create the first two patterns, and then invite the Sweet Pea to make one for me to figure out.

Level 3: Roll 2 dice, count out, and add

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Image sources: links to image online
Bone ~ Dachshund ~ German Shepherd 

 

DISCOVERY TABLE
Part 1 of the Discovery Table disappeared before I got a picture of it.  We cooked some Weisswurst (white sausage) and served it with sauerkraut (pickled cabbage) so that the Sweet Peas (and the mamas!) could enjoy some German food.

Part 2 of the table was having the Sweet Peas play with the felt figures and retell the story if they are advanced communicators. If they are still acquiring verbal skills, you could ask them the order that the animals were introduced in the story, and then “what happened next” to prompt them.

Image sources: links to image online
Donkey ~ Hound ~ Cat ~ Rooster ~ House ~ Robber ~ Witch Hat 

 

ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
This idea came from Enchanted Learning, an online teaching resource with *a ton* of ideas and activities.  HERE are the instructions, and here are the samples I made for the Sweet Peas:

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I prepared the eyes and cut out the ears and noses ahead of time. The Sweet Peas could place them however they wanted to on the paper bags. Ears up was a German Shepherd, ears down was a Dachshund; and the Sweet Peas pasted them every which way to come up with their own creations!

We finish our Preschool Playdate with a sharing time: each child that wants to share gets to say what (s)he enjoyed the most about the morning.  We close with a good-bye song where children are welcome to give hugs.  It helps to set a formal end to the time together so that parents have a clear reason to insist that it’s time to go if they have somewhere to be afterwards.  Otherwise, the kiddos and parents that don’t have to leave stay and play until the music teacher for our older Sweet Peas arrives.

Come back next Thursday to read all about the FIRE SAFETY play date that we had today since it is Fire Prevention Week in the USA this week.

 

Preschool Playdate: Fall Leaves

This theme was inspired by the First Day of Fall on 9/23/15…playdate held on 9/24/15

— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)
— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)
— Discussion of theme – Colorful Leaves
— Unsquiggle activity: Vowel Song
— Storytime: A Leaf Blew In
— Poem/Song before we break for Centers: Otter made up a little song about falling leaves to the tune of “London Bridge” – awesome!!

The leaf and the acorn patterns seen in the centers are from The MailBox Superbook.

STORY TIME
We started the morning by reading the highlights out of the book, Colorful Leaves, by Maria Fleming. It introduced basic biology concepts and vocabulary: photosynthesis, cholorphyll, buds, veins, roots.

We used castanets to make the sound of leaves blowing slowly, and then increased speed as the wind blew harder, and then back down to slow again as the wind passed.

After that, we read When the Leaf Blew In, by Steve Metzger.  I invited the children to make the animal sounds as we read through the barnyard adventure.

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LITERACY CENTER
Two activities here~
Pre-writing: offered a pile of construction paper leaves and acorns for the Sweet Peas to write or draw on.
Phonics: Vowel identification and matching, along with sounding out the letters.

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MATH CENTER
Reprising an activity from our Johnny Appleseed Day, I pulled out the apple number cards I had made. 1: they have leaves on them, 2: apples are harvested in the fall 🙂

Level 1: Count the apples

Level 2: Order the numbers on the back of the cards

Level 3: Play a “memory” match game with two sets of cards, and then order the numbers.

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DISCOVERY TABLE
Activity 1: Acorn hunt!! The leaves were purchased at our local Tuesday Morning store. We filled our tub with the leaves and the acorn cut-outs.  The children had to rake through the leaves to find 10 happy acorns.

Activity 2: Play dough in red, orange, and yellow today! Pounding or rolling the dough in order to use the cookie cutters, or they could press the leaves and acorns into the dough to make impressions.

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ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
One of the topics in the Colorful Leaves book pointed out how leaves come in many different shapes.  These are some of the different shapes that I collected outside our home.  The children got to arrange them as they wanted to and then make a leaf rubbing to take home.

I saved all the leaves and pressed them between two boards and under a pile of cookbooks after the playdate.  The plan is to let them dry out and have the children observe the changes at the next session.

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Boys will be boys: File under “unacceptable”

Boys will be boys.

I find that phrase a bit frustrating.  While I believe that there are definitely attributes that are inherent to the sexes, I also believe that as parents we have a responsibility to raise our children to act beyond their impulses so that they can learn compassion, kindness and empathy.

I watched our boys thoroughly enjoy themselves as they roughhoused with other willing children at our Pirate playdate.  They were all boys in the “mosh pit”, with mothers keeping an eye out and making sure that there were boundaries around the play, like keeping the hands off the face and neck, swords off the head, hands above the belt.

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In the back of my mind as I was watching this kind of play, is the lesson that we had read in science.  We were reading about wolves, and one section talked about how male wolf pups play fight in preparation for survival in adulthood.

Lightbulb!! So maybe in our human history, there once was a time when boys *had* to fight – it was a matter of having the survival skills they needed in a primitive society.  Except…in this first world country, we are far and away from being creatures of survival or subsistence.  We are, for the most part, living within four walls and purchasing food from stores; we are no longer battling our rivals for land or water.  Those days are part of our history, not day-to-day reality.

In the childbirth work we do, I talk about how women’s bodies birth in “cave mode”.  Our instincts don’t know we are birthing in the 21st century.  Unless we get rid of the virtual “tigers” prowling outside the cave, our bodies are closed to the birth journey.  Why wouldn’t that hold true for our sons? Maybe there is some deep instinct to fight for a variety of reasons: survival, defense, protection.  Watching the rough play, I realized that within our sons’ instincts there is probably a time and a place for that kind of play.

However, in this century, when we know better and can do better, we have to stand up against the “boys will be boys” idea as an excuse or an explanation for inappropriate behavior.  There is no reason why, in a civilized society, we are still hearing stories of rape and abuse.  Real men do not hurt, belittle and harm.  Why are we still accepting aggressive behavior from the white collar CEO who rants and raves at his staff?  Why does the rapist who preys on unsuspecting women know that he can, because the blame will fall on the woman and what she was wearing or drinking?  It has to stop.

The ideas that raise my biggest ire are the belief systems that teach the woman is mainly responsibility for a man’s desires.  Those in power tell women to dress modestly and wear a certain type of clothing, or else men will be tempted.  Really?? This is what we are spending time teaching from pulpits when there are so many other responsibilities that the church is charged with (widows, orphans, the homeless to name a few). Are we no better than base animals when females are in heat?  Are we to believe that there is nothing that a man can do to resist his urges??

Yes, I have learned that men are visual.  I get that images are interesting.  And guess what? There is such a thing as self-control, another teaching that is in many belief systems.  Why not emphasize that as well??  Every woman that boys and men are looking at is someone else’s mother, daughter, child.  That alone should be enough to exert some self-control, change their gaze, and start checking their impulses.

Where does this self-control begin?? It begins by introducing the idea when children are playing.  Stop “letting boys be boys” all the time, and start teaching them to be human beings with a heart as well as with impulses.  We can teach them that it is okay to have times when we play rough as long as everyone is in agreement, and then there are other times when we use gentle hands.  We have to be willing to intervene when other children are getting hurt, or when we see that the play is escalating to bullying.

As one of my friends says, “No matter what I do, I can’t keep my two boys from being rough with each other. They play by jumping all over each other. Constantly. I choose to allow that type of behavior, and I also choose to make sure it stays safe and respectful. I allow it because I feel that they are “born that way” and that it helps create bonding between them. I feel like that’s the way they talk to each other. Do I understand it? No. But I allow it with limitations while teaching them that there’s a time and a place. They can be crazy together, but they’re also required to be gentlemen when they interact outside of their circle.”

We can start by intervening when we hear a playmate say No or Stop, even it it still looks like they are playing to us.  When we are teaching the very basic concept of “No is no!” or “Stop is stop,” we can also teach them the reverse is true.  “Just like (playmate) is asking you to stop now and I am asking you to respect them, I would also expect someone else to respect you when you say No or Stop.”  And I am not talking about yelling, “No is no!!” across the room, and then continue on with whatever we are doing.  I mean that we are going over to the child, getting down to their level, and looking at them in the eye when this conversation happens.  We have to take the time to show them how important it is to respect others.

We can also demonstrate that concept when our children say No or Stop to adults in our social circles.  Something simple to deflect unwanted hugs, kisses, pats; whatever we know bothers our children based on past conversations or the body language we are seeing as the interaction is playing out in front of us. Here is a way we have handled it in our family, “Sorry, (family member)…it looks like (child) isn’t giving out (hugs) today. Maybe next time. (Child), please use your words to say good-bye today, okay?”  

Children will emulate what they see and experience.  It is paramount that we teach them that their personhood is respected, and they alone have the right to say what does and does not happen in their personal space.  Unless we can stand up and lead and guide with love, we will remain in the rape culture where a person says No and despite their protests, is forced to engage after the No.

I hold both my daughters and my sons to expectations of compassion, kindness and empathy – the qualities that bring out the best of our humanity.  Will you?

Special thanks to the SPB community who offered insights and suggested edits as I crafted this post: N.C., A.L., K.N., and J.S. – thank you so much for your time!!

Here is a question:
What if you are at a playdate or at the park, and one child’s parent is okay with the aggressive behavior, and the other child’s parent is not? How would you handle it, or how have you handled it if you found yourself in this sistuaion?

Preschool Playdate: Wildflowers

Playdate: May 15, 2015
Theme was chosen in honor of Wildflower Week

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— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)
— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)
— Discussion of theme
— Storytime
— Unsquiggle activity
— Poem/Song before we break for Centers

Most of the activities this week were inspired by print-outs or songs in The Mailbox Superbook.

STORY TIME
In lieu of a book, we used a song and a discovery activity for the children to explore the growing cycle of a flower.

We talked about the vocabulary first, and then introduced the song.  The third time through, each Sweet Pea got to play a part of the song.  One was the sun, one was the gardener watering, and the remaining children got to be flowers growing in the garden.  We took turns so that each child got to play each part.

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LITERACY CENTER
This is another printout from The Mailbox Superbook – the main point was to develop some motor skills through tracing.  I added a print element to the activity by printing out word strips for the children to cut and paste on their worksheet after tracing the flower shapes.  Crayons, scissors, glue, plus some vocabulary…WIN 🙂

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MATH CENTER
Sorting and counting…always a good math center!  The children could sort by color, type of leaf, whether the edge was smooth or rippled…and probably more ways than we tried that morning!

An advanced version of this center could be done by making tally marks to track results, and/or plotting a line graph with the results.

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DISCOVERY TABLE
This activity is the only one that came from The Toddler Calendar.  Felt sticks to itself, so the only thing I had to do was go buy it.  Aside from cutting their pattern out, I also added a print element by creating labels for all the parts of the flower.

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ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
This activity has been bookmarked in The Mailbox Superbook since I first started using it when Puma was 3 years old.  I finally made the time to execute it! Better late than never 🙂

I used sponges from the dollar store, and cut each color into a different part of the flower.  This was again, a reinforcement of the vocabulary words of the day that centered around the theme: flower, leaf, and stem…no “roots” this time!

 

We finish our Preschool Playdate with a sharing time: each child that wants to share gets to say what (s)he enjoyed the most about the morning.  This morning, the discovery table activity and the arts & crafts activity were the big winners.

We close with a good-bye song where children are welcome to give hugs.  It helps to set a formal end to the time together so that parents that have somewhere to be afterwards have a clear reason to insist that it’s time to go – school is over!!  Otherwise, the kiddos and parents that don’t have to leave will stay and play until the music teacher for our older Sweet Peas arrives at noon.

 

Monday Musings: Does labeling make sense?

Ok – true confession #2 on this blog: while I am really great at organizing events, I would hate for anyone to see the messiest room in our home.

It used to be our bedroom. I got that in order so that I could sit at my desk and write notes, and because it REALLY needed to be done.  Aside from the piles of things on the desk, there had been a 6′ banquet table in our bedroom since last November.  It became the collection point for all things around the house that didn’t have a place, and I didn’t want to deal with at the moment that I was picking them up. And it was a disaster…by that I mean that I was using the tabletop *and* the space below it.  I don’t have a picture.  Even if I did, you wouldn’t see it, because I would be too embarrassed to share it. I think you can imagine how terrible it was.

Enter summer vacation.  We got to visit a friend’s new home this summer, and seeing her home completely inspired me to get a handle on the clutter and take back my home.

This mama has practically EVERYTHING in their home labeled.  And not just a label-maker on steriods kind of labeling.  She has taken the time to either hand-write or jetprint tags for every bin or basket in their home.  Then she cuts them out and attaches them to a cute backing paper.  Sometimes it’s a simple pattern-printed or bright color cardstock mat; others are die-cut into cute flower shapes.

All her kiddos have been reading by the time they start kindergarten.  Talk about print-rich environment!!!  Oh My Gosh…lightbulb moment!!  Every day, her children are interacting with letters and words.  It is no surprise that they are reading early – they are tieing physical objects to words every time they take something out or put something away.  I am guessing those letters start to make sense and correlate to sounds after a while, and some very organic learning is going on!!

So when we came back from our summer home, I tackled our bedroom.  I was determined that if this mama could be clutter-free, so could I.  All it takes is a little focus, right?

So my piles disappeared, give-away bags filled up…so did the recycling and the trash.  I made good use of my favorite item at IKEA, these nifty little “S”-shaped hooks to hang up all my bags and clear some shelf space for seasonal clothing items.

Then I hit Otter’s room.  She is the only one still not reading, so I went through and organized all her toys, and then labeled all her boxes and baskets. Next task: label her clothing drawers.

As for the other children,  Puma wants to make her own labels. The boys have labels on their baskets already, courtesy of the embroidery option from PBK.  I will leave their rooms for now, since I have a couple of other rooms in mind…

I  want to label the schoolroom and the kitchen since that is where we spend the most time as a family and both are high-traffic areas for the children.  I also take the time to make every label bi-lingual so that the Sweet Pea Kids are seeing everything in English and Spanish. I have to be patient and double-check all the spellings and accent placements in Spanish. I am giving myself a grace period to get that done – plan is to be close to where I envision by Christmas-time.

Now “that room” is my husband’s office, where there are still 15 boxes of stuff that I haven’t wanted to deal with since we moved our schoolroom last spring.  I promised Puma that we will each do a box a day, and do them together.  She has her own pile of stuff and boxes since she emptied everything in order to move rooms, and we didn’t want to unpack things until her room was painted.  Now it’s painted, so the work of sorting, stashing, and trashing starts on Tuesday.

Wish us luck!! I am looking forward to getting rid of all the boxes, once and for a while, anyway.

What about you? Have you ever thought about labeling around your home? Why did, or didn’t you?

 

Preschool Playdate: Music Day

Playdate: May 7, 2015

This playdate was inspired by a book that I wanted to read to the Sweet Peas, and I ended up going a different direction when it was storytime!

— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)
— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)
— Discussion of theme
— Storytime
— Unsquiggle activity
— Poem/Song before we break for Centers

Our unsquiggle activity this day was also part discovery/physical education/personal expression/confidence building.  I incorporated the hand-kites to help those who were a little shy to at least move something in rhythm to the music they were hearing.

First, I created a playlist of different genres of music, alternating between upbeat and more solemn.  We got to talk about the different countries the music and/or composer was from, as well as the different world cultures as we found the countries on the globe.  We invited each child to dance down the pink line – it was great to see their creativity and imagination.

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STORY TIME + MATH CENTER + MAKE&TAKE

I ended up using a book I had printed back when Puma was a preschooler as our story.  It let me demonstrate the math activity/play home craft I came up with for the day.  You can find the book from Enchanted Learning HERE; the ducks are free clip art from the internet printed on card stock; numbers are from a foam number pack (you can probably find them at your nearest craft or big-box store).

Charger, who was 5 at the time, did this all his own.  He cut out the ducks, glued a popsicle stick to the back of the duck, and affixed the foam numbers to his ducks.  I cut a slit in the paper plates for each of the ducks…this lets the children practice number recognition and ordering.

How we used it all together: Start the song/rhyme with a plate full of ducks.  As you count down the numbers, you pull out the duck from it’s slot.  This give the children a visual of what amount is left, as well as the written numbers as they are pulling them out.

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LITERACY CENTER
This was one of my favorite name activities of all time.  Again, the images are clip art that I found on the internet.  I will do a better job of keeping track of links for next year to save readers who want to repeat these activites some time.

First, I printed out all the music notes, and then I programed them with the letters of all the children’s names – I used silver marker for a little extra pop!  In a pinch, you could use any light-colored crayon or colored pencil.  Next, I cut them out, and placed the right letters in an envelope with their name on it.  The child had to pull out their letter notes, order them, and glue them to the stave paper I had printed for them.  Once they finished, I played their  “composition” for them on the piano.  Some of them actually had some catchy little tunes!!  Or if like Puma, they did everything on one note, I played it for them in the rhythm of the notes.  Either way, you can ask the child if they could copy what they heard with claps or with singing.

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DISCOVERY TABLE
This allows for the introduction of vocabulary, as well as the exploration of the different instruments, how they are played, and how they sound.  Some different words to use: percussion, loud, soft, raspy, ringing, clanging, metallic; as well as the names of all of the instruments: drum, xylophone, bells, maracas, tambourines, triangles.

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ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
Along with the duck craft, we also had the Sweet Peas bring a shoe-box so that we could make a rubber-band guitar.  HERE are some instructions for a simple version of this craft.  We made it even simpler, as you can see:

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We finish our Preschool Playdate with a sharing time: each child that wants to share gets to say what (s)he enjoyed the most about the morning.  We close with a good-bye song where children are welcome to give hugs.  It helps to set a formal end to the time together so that parents have a clear reason to insist that it’s time to go if they have somewhere to be afterwards.  Otherwise, the kiddos and parents that don’t have to leave will stay and play until the music teacher for our older Sweet Peas arrives.

Preschool Playdate: Science Day

Held on April 23, 2015

The inspiration for this day was the fact that World Laboratory Day was observed on April 23, 2015.  I thought it would be fun to have the kids attend their own Science Lab and get a chance to be immersed in exploration and discovery for an hour.  I planned out this day by focusing an experiement on different aspects of science: measuring, magnets, animal kingdom, and weather.

As you will notice, most of our Sweet Peas made or contributed to the sign for their station. Puma was at the Water Cycle, Night Owl was at the magnets (I made this one before the kiddos all piped up that they wanted to make their own!), Charger did the Wind Power, and Otter contributed to the Mass sign.  It was cool to see how her lines were denser in some areas than others….she got the concept in her own toddler way!! Even our nanny got involved and ran an activity since I got carried away with the planning…once I got started, I was on a roll!

— Welcome song in English (emphasizes printed name recognition as Sweet Peas find their card in a line-up and place it on our Name Ledge)
— Welcome song in Spanish (reinforces names as Sweet Peas sing to their peers)
— Discussion of theme
— Storytime
— Unsquiggle activity
— Poem/Song before we break for Centers

 

STORY TIME
I found THIS slide show online that I printed to share with the children.  Big pictures, simple explanations, and lots of vocabulary!! Perfect for preschool!!

 

LITERACY CENTER
Here we explored the concept of feathers, fur, and scales.  It is an activity out of the Mailbox Superbook. The Sweet Peas identified the animal, and then sorted them into the correct category according to the type of skin covering the animal has.  We added a sensory component by having examples of the different kinds of skin coverings for the children to investigate and discuss.

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MATH CENTER
This center explored the mass of different items.  They measured different quantities into the scale basket, noticed whether or not the same amount of different items weighed the same,We also had them make a prediction about how much the half-full bean container and the full container of feathers would weigh, and which was greater.  This led to a conversation about how much air vs. mass were in the different things we weighed.

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DISCOVERY TABLE

TABLE 1: Magnets
Sweet Peas got to play with magnetic fishing poles to see what was and wasn’t magnetic.  Once they items were worted into two piles, we talked about the qualities of both sets.

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TABLE 2: The Water Cycle
This simple experiment using water and cotton balls allowed the Sweet Peas to physically experience how water droplets collect together to form clouds until they are too full to hold any more condensation, and then see how precipitation happens when the cloud is beyond capacity.  We introduced the words “evaporation”, “condensation”, and “precipitation”.  It was neat to see everyone at this station have lightbulb moments.IMG_5520

TABLE 3: Wind Power
The Sweet Peas got to experiement with the power of air at this station.  First they blew through the straws onto their palms to feel what they could do with their own lungs.  Then they got to experiment with blowing “wind” across our little “pond” to see how the boats moved.  They could blow along the bottom, the top, turn the sails and blow into the sails…another favorite since water and straws were involved.IMG_5519

 

ARTS & CRAFTS ~ Make & Take
First the Sweet Peas colored a coffee filter with water-soluble markers.  Then we attached the filter accordian style to a prepared-ahead popsicle stick on which Puma had a hot-glued a pipe cleaner.  We twisted it at the top and formed antennae.  Once the “butterfly” was assembled, we used water that we trapped in the straws with our fingers to stain the wings.  The Sweet Peas got to experiement with how much water they could trap, how fast the flow was, and see how the colors blended and make predictions about the new colors that might result from the color blending.  Once the “wings” dried out, they had a take-home butterfly puppet.

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We finish our Preschool Playdate with a sharing time: each child that wants to share gets to say what (s)he enjoyed the most about the morning.  There were lots of different favorites on this day…even some of the moms mentioned stations where they learned something new – that was pretty cool!

We close with a good-bye song where children are welcome to give hugs.  It helps to set a formal end to the time together so that parents have a clear reason to insist that it’s time to go if they have somewhere to be afterwards.  Otherwise, the kiddos and parents that don’t have to leave right away will stay and play until the music teacher for our older Sweet Peas arrives.

I hpe you enjoyed our tour through Science Experiement day!! My intention was to show our friends that science doesn’t have to be this daunting thing – every day things around the house can easily turn into an opportunity for discovery, and to awaken curiosity and exploration.

Discovering Truths

I found this in my “Drafts” folder from last summer – I wanted to share it with you because it is a peek into the process that led me to decide that I really was not in a season where I want to spend lots of time on the computer.  If things happen organically, that is one thing…however, pursuit of an audience is not my number one priority right now.  I learned that when I went to BWF in Austin (read about that aha moment HERE).

And I can also see that my reality check was way off. The reality is that making my kiddos a priority means that blogging regularly isn’t going to happen. I am enjoying reaching out to you this summer while we are on a hiatus from our homeschool days…after that, we will have to wait and see what happens.

July 25, 2014

It has been five weeks since we have been without our nanny.  Life is MUCH different without her.  I am not only in charge of homechooling and guiding our Sweet Peas – now I have to be a housekeeper, too.  I get to do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.  It is not for the weary or faint of heart.

We did really well the first two weeks.  Now, six weeks into it, the house is not as tidy as a like it, the laundry takes a couple of days to go from “dry” to “put away”, and we are eating A LOT of quesadillas and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.  Thank goodness for summertime produce – at least the Sweet Peas are eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables with their carbs and cheese.

By virtue of our summer plans, every year the nanny gets a 2-month sabbatical from the wild, wonderful circus that we are.  While it is great for all parties involved, it continues to be my yearly  reality check.  I often tell people how grateful I am for my loving husband who recognizes that in order to homeschool, work on my writing, and support our students from our Bradley classes that I really *cannot* do it all. I love and appreciate him all the more for his hard work that affords us the luxury of a nanny when we are without her.

It also makes me reflect on what I really want for myself and for our family.  Is it really important to be a up on the latest and greatest research, and trying to be a social media maven: building an audience, tweeting and Instagram-ing all day long? Not if it means that Crazy Mama shows up…because I haven’t gotten enough rest…because I am trying to keep up with it all when I should be sleeping.  I can truthfully say that I don’t like her very much, and that is not the person I want around our Sweet Peas.

So far, it has been a good “dress rehearsal” for the upcoming school year.  When our nanny is around, the last three hours of her day with us after we finish “school” is usually “me time”.  It is the time I use to work on writing, post to our blogs, answer emails, make phone calls, meet a friend for lunch…in all likelihood, that is going to be gone next year.

For the first time, I will be “officially” homeschooling all four children this September.  Otter and Charger will be working on the Sonlight PreK Core together; Night Owl and Puma are starting on Sonlight Core C (Intro to World History – II)  together.  My time to homeschool has increased by at least another 2 hours.  So if I want to exercise, homeschool, sleep, breathe and pray….you guessed it – the computer time is going to take a lower priority.  to say nothing of being the supportive spouse I want to be to Coach Bruss.  Yikes.

My foray into the social media world has been wonderful.  I enjoy connecting with other like-minded individuals from all over the world, and learning from them based on what they share about what they know.  I would be sad to give it all up.  I really like to be scheduled, so this summer is a great opportunity to play with that schedule and see just how it’s all going to fit in if I want to have computer time – and I do want to squeeze it in!!

I cannot help but go back to, “But, Peaceful Mama!” At the end of the day, my children will not care if I got to interact with the amazing people I learn from on the internet, or the latest and greatest research that I read and can use to improve our classes.  Especially if Crazy Mama shows up and takes a shift or two.  We all hate it when she shows up – it means that yelling and sad tears became part of our story.

Recognizing that I can be two mamas and which one shows up is up to me – that is part of the lesson I learned when I did the life coaching with Blue Russ last summer.  I know I feel better about my role as a mother (and myself as a person!) when Crazy Mama who yells and carries on is on vacation, and Peaceful Mama  who operates from a place of trust and respect that honors our children as whole, complete and worthy individuals is the one running the circus.

As I keep going back to my desire to be Peaceful Mama every minute of every waking moment, then I have to start to embrace the idea that I cannot do it all.  I am human.  I have to find joy in what I can do, and keep in mind that I am being who I need to be so that I can mother the way I want to mother – Peacefully.  If I am meant to be the public speaker that I want to be, then I need to keep in mind that the door will open when the time is right.

Until then, I must keep attending to the four people that inspire me to be better and do better every day.  They deserve Peaceful Mama, and have a right to my time and my energy above everything and anything else because we chose to invite them into our lives intentionally, and they are wonderful gifts that are to be enjoyed, as the saying goes, In The Present.

I also want to be the best childbirth educator and mentor that I can be to the students that chose us to walk on the journey of birth with them.  I want the students attending classes as new parents to get a great, fresh class every week.  Most of the focus is to help prepare them for the BIrth-Day.  We know that is just the beginning of the journey! We want to be a place for them to come for help and guidance.  I get the same answer: we cannot do that if I am too tired, or short on time to answer questions or respond to emails.

So I guess I found my truths:
1.) Peaceful Mama + Loving Wife
2.) Best childbirth instructor I can be
3.) Everything else

What are your truths?  How did you discover them?

Post-script 7.19.15:
The one things I can see is that my priorities were right on.  The Sweet Peas and I are so good with Peaceful Mama being in the driver’s seat more than 90% of the time.  And, connections with our students over the last three classes felt to be in a good place, too.  So, writing everything down ended being like a goal-setting. It worked out well this time!!

Traveling This Path + Going The Distance

Even though I am going to preface this post with some opening statements, I apologize in advance if it rubs you the wrong way.  This post is written with love in my heart for all the parents that are choosing to stay home with their children, and maybe still miss working sometimes.

Who this IS NOT directed at:
1.) If you are working outside of the home and you are happy with that choice.
2.) If you are working outside of the home and you are not happy with that choice.
3.) If you have to work outside of the home and you want to stay home.
4.) If you do not have to and do not want to work outside of the home, and are perfectly content staying home.

If 1-4 above apply to you, then you are at a different place than I am.  I have actually invited our students who would describe themselves as fitting into one of those categories to share their perspective, and I will be posting their thoughts as I receive them.

If you do fit into categories 1-4…then today’s post was not written with you in mind.  I wrote this to encourage primary caregivers who are home after leaving the workplace.  If this isn’t you, treat this post as the dish on the buffet line that you *do not* want to try, and peacefully move on to other things on the Internet that appeal to you.  Consider that there is no need to leave a flaming comment because I already recognize that I am not speaking to you.  We are on different paths, and I honor your journey, as I hope you will honor mine.

Image source: http://no-shame-in-my-game.tumblr.com/page/2

Image source: http://no-shame-in-my-game.tumblr.com/page/2

This post is written with a heart to encourage those of us who intentionally transitioned from the workplace to be stay-at-home parents.  Although that was our choice and we are usually at peace with it, sometimes we have moments, maybe a whole day (or longer…no judgment!), where we might wish otherwise:

Do you ever have days when you miss your old workplace?  Can you believe that you “gave it all up” to be at home with little people?  Do you, like me, sometimes have twinges of envy when you see friends and classmates receiving accolades and making announcements about how their career is pregressing?

If you have felt any of these things, I want you to know that you are not alone.  Although you made the choice to stay home with your child(ren), know that it doesn’t take away from the person that you are, and the person who was capable, probably even excellent, in the role you were in before you made the decision to stay home.  That person is still alive and well inside you; breathe that in for a moment.

For me, there are times when being “mom” felt so stifling and unfulfilling, especially when I saw/see other people my age doing things I wish I were doing.  Even though I believe in my heart of hearts that parenting intentionally is the greatest work in the world, it doesn’t mean I am happy in this place all the time.  We all have our moments.  I think the key is to ackowledge the feeling, and then rise above it by reminding ourselves why we made this commitment to our children in the first place.  

Parenting intentionally means that we recognize our children as whole human beings, no matter what age and body size they happen to be wearing at the time.  It means that we believe that responding to their needs will encourage their self-worth; by meeting them where they are, we are building a parent-child relationship founded in trust.  Trust that when they have needs, we will answer them.  Trust that we will not abandon them.  Trust that even when they are at a loss, they are still loved and that we will show up for them.  By showing them they are worthy, they learn that they are valuable and lovable. I believe they start to build a self-confidence that will be harder to erode as they get older and exposed to ideas and people outside of the family.

When we parent intentionally and choose to stay at home, that is a huge commitment of our time, what some might consider an intersection with most productive years of our lives.  I can’t tell you how worthy the work you are doing is going to be in the long run.  It is something you will have to trust: Parenting intentionally and staying home with our children is Worthwhile.  It is a Work. It is a long-term investment that will pay dividends years from now.  

Find your places to breathe, know that you are also worthy.  “Fill your cup”, as the saying goes, so that you can be present and loving with your children.  Recognize that parenting intentionally is meaningful work, and just as you took time to recharge after a long day in your old workplace, you still need to do that to be able to keep giving as a parent.  

At the same time, I encourage you to create a reciprocal relationship with your child(ren).  Parenting intentionally does not mean to give selflessly or to become a second-class citizen as you meet the needs of your child(ren).  Model a healthy relationship with your co-parent.  Show your family love in your words and your actions.  It is okay to tell them that you do things because you love them and you treasure them, instead of giving them the impression that you are a slave to their demands.

What about the days when you have reached the end of your patience? Use your words, even if you are telling them you are angry and you need a time out because you love them so much you don’t want to hurt them in your anger.  Convey your words in an Opera Voice, so maybe you will all end up laughing.  Chant “OM” to demonstrate that you are trying to find another breath.  Change your space, go for a walk, play with or in water…model for them all the ways to channel extreme emotion so that they can learn how to express themselves when they are feeling big emotions.

We are in a place where the dividends are starting to show now that they are older. We are beginning to see the results of the time we put into the relationship with them.  We hear it from their babysitters and adult instructors that they truly are exceptional little people who are a delight to be around.

Now that I am experiencing the people they are growing into, I am grateful I opted to stay home with them instead of going back to work or spending more time on (insert technology of choice here). The face time and attention you are giving them now will yield amazing, thoughtful, kind, independent human beings who are the future of the change we want to see in the world.

If you are a working parent and you have read this far down…yes, I know you are capable of raising equally thoughtful, kind, independent human beings…we have taken different paths to the same end.  I honor you for your choices and applaud you for being able to work and parent intentionally with the same fervor I have for the path I am traveling.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you are doing a great job with your kiddos, and try not to feel like you are missing out.  Our time with them is fleeting.  In the grand scheme of things, they will probably live well into their 70s, if not 80s or 90s.  We get about 18 years of that lifespan – make the most of it.  You will not regret it. 

Image source: http://www.susoutter.com/2014/01/what-kids-want-most-part-2.html

Image source: http://www.susoutter.com/2014/01/what-kids-want-most-part-2.html

By the same token, if there is really something in your heart, go for it!  Sometimes we have an all or nothing approach to life.  I have always wanted to get my PhD.  Because I pretty much blew off my first three years of college, I really have to hit the reset button and start over.  If I waited until the Sweet Pea Kids were grown up to do that, I would have another 14 years of pining and letting that desire eat away at me…I don’t need more reasons to envy others.  Instead, I have decided that it is doable and that I am okay with taking it slowly.  If I do one class per semester, then 14 years from now, I can take that “empty nest” time to write my dissertation, instead of starting the whole process from scratch.  

Image source: http://lifehacker.com/never-give-up-on-a-dream-just-because-of-the-time-it-1495765921

Image source: http://lifehacker.com/never-give-up-on-a-dream-just-because-of-the-time-it-1495765921

That happens to be my dream.  Do you have one?  If you know it, what small step can you do in the next day-week-month to start moving in that direection?

If you do not know what is going to feed your soul after your children claim their amazing lives thanks to the confidence and independence you have instilled in them, take some time to reflect on what that is so you can start making plans now.  You will need something to fulfill you; and one could make the argument that making them the whole center of your life is not necessarily healthy now, or in the long run, for either of you (musings about that HERE).

When we follow our dreams, we also have the opportunity to teach our children the beauty of discovering their gifts, and using them to fulfill themselves and help others.  Circling back to where we started, having our own treasure, our own burning desire, will make it easier to get through those days when we wonder what we were thinking as we look at the small tornado that is our home life that day.  

So own it.  Be the stay-at-home parent you want to be, live here and now with your child(ren).  Find what feeds your soul so that you can show up as a whole person for your family.  Enjoy your Sweet Peas, drink them in, encapsulate all these little moments.  Some day we will have all the time we thought we wanted, and our homes will be quiet, and we may miss all the chaos.  I believe we will reap a second harvest when our children fill it again with the love and laughter of the next generation being raised in love.

 

Tales from the Toddler Side: Tantrums

We have had a rough Spring as parents. Daddy Bruss and I have parented three children already; we’re thinking we have this parenting thing figured out…and along came Otter.  She is growing us again – literally since her Birth-Day we have had to be willing to learn other ways, because very little of what worked with our other children is working with her.

Her huge tantrums this Spring all started with a transition in our home.  We switched around the use of some rooms in our home, and she got her own room.  She was totally unsettled and she could not understand how she had her own room, and was still welcome in our room (we co-sleep). Moving her clothes out of our closet and into hers, and her toy box from our room to her room; those were especially challenging.

While transitioning, the hallways and the normally empty spaces are stacked high with boxes.  This was totally foreign to Otter – she is the type of kiddos that likes her structure.  This was a total mess within the walls of her safe place.

On top of that, there was a weekend when I was gone most of the day for a training workshop.  And if that wasn’t enough, her Daddy flew out and was gone for four days, one of which overlapped with the time I was gone.

Cue meltdown.  And another one. And another one after that.  At the height of tantrum season, she was having 2-4 meltdowns a day. We had a good six week stretch where we had some pretty long and interesting days.  “Struggle” is an understatement.  I felt like the worst mom in the world.  Almost everyday, I wondered how I going to keep it together when 25 pounds of toddler was breaking me down at every turn – nothing I did, or didn’t do, seemed to abate the tears and the tantrums.

It was pretty brutal.  She was hurting herself, and lashing out at me with pinching fingers and hitting hands.  The depth of our emotions surprised me.  I knew I loved my child, and then again, I felt such resentment for the places we were going emotionally.

I have worked so hard to find my Peaceful Mama and keep Crazy Mama at bay. It was **really** hard to take those deep breaths on the days when Crazy Toddler showed up instead of my sweet baby girl.

I struggled between giving in to her demands to stop the self-harm, and shutting myself down because I could not handle it anymore.  Truth be told, it was hard on all of us. There were days when the other Sweet Pea kids acted out because they saw that meltdowns got my attention and were a priority. It was akin to that metaphor of putting out fires and never getting ahead.

There was one particular moment that stands out in that whole stretch of time.  A little frame: at the same time that we are going through all this emotion as a family, I am also doing some work on identifying archetypal voices for a class I am taking. Out of the blue,during one of the interactions with Otter when she is hitting me, this message comes through to me loud and clear, “When you hit me, I feel like you don’t love me.”

BAM. Lightening moment. I fell to the floor in tears, realizing that my reaction to her hitting is coming from a deep place of feeling rejected and unloved as a child.

For the record, I was a child in an era when spanking was the accepted form of discipline, and I wasn’t abused.  It simply was the mainstream way to do things, and in all other ways I knew I was loved.  We always had a caring home environment, food, clothing, and lots of affection otherwise.

Recognizing what was being triggered inside of me as Otter was hitting me was a turning point. In my Adult, I can reason with the Child statement and write a new story: “My parents love me, they did the best with what they knew.  My child loves me, she is acting out of a place of feeling powerless-fear-hurt-anxiety-insert feeling here.”  Knowing and being able to inner-dialogue worked really well to shut down Crazy Mama when the hitting started, and bring in Peaceful Mama right from the start.

We are on the other side of this rough patch now, and that is such a relief.  We survived because first of all, Daddy Bruss came through in a big way and acted as the fire extinguisher when things got out of hand.  No matter the time of day, he would pop out of his home office and help bring the volume level down. We were also a united front – we both gave Otter the message that self-harm was not acceptable, and that we loved her too much to let her hurt herself.

I also got a much needed “day off” to reflect on what was happening, why it was happening, and what I could do as the mother, the nurturer, to help get our family through this season of tantrums.  Here are some of the things that came into focus that day:

  1. I took the time to think about each child’s love language, and wrote down ideas on how I could meet fill their love tank on a daily basis.
  2. I took to heart Dr. Laura’s advice that we are our child’s “North Star”.  When you have four children, finding time to interact with each one intentionally takes, well, intention. So I created a system to keep track of whose turn it is to get ‘private time” with Mommy and Daddy.  Then, actually using the system – that has been *huge*.
  3. I wrote down what I expected from myself as the mother, where I was conflicted, and some steps to bridge the gaps between wanting to be a guide for our children, and actually being the guide I know I can be for them.
  4. I committed to bringing back (for myself) more of the structure that I crave. If I start the day on my schedule, then I feel on top of my game, which in turn affects how I feel about my abilities, positively impacts my emotions, etc., and that facilitates a day with Peaceful Mama at the helm.
  5. I decided that we were only going to work together in our homeschool for 25 minute stretches at a time.  This gave all of us a break from each other, and we also found that there was more fun in each day.  It has worked so well, that this is going to be the standard for our homeschool days going forward.

The good news is that we are all still in one piece, and things are much better “for now”.  Here are some resources that helped me focus on what Otter needed from me as she was struggling through all the emotions she was feeling:

Dr. Harvey Karp
http://www.happiestbaby.com/learn-about-your-baby-toddler/faqs/#tht

Dr. Laura Markham
http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/angry-child-triggers-parent-control-self
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/toddler-tantrums

MindBodyGreen
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18351/5-kid-friendly-yoga-poses-to-help-your-child-avoid-a-meltdown.html

Quote from Charlotte Mason
“Every day, children need something to love, something to do, and something to think about.”

How about you? Which ideas or words of wisdom have helped you survive a toddler tantrum?