Baby Turns One: You Are Now Breastfeeding a Toddler

IMG_5949 By Cassandra Okamoto, Blog Contributor

It does not feel like I have a toddler. While my son is not actually toddling around quite yet, his first birthday has come & gone and left us staring the unchartered waters of toddlerhood in the face. We both don’t quite know what to expect.

We did pass that first birthday mark without a consideration of weaning from the breast though, which I almost always forget is “unconventional”. Like I said, he still very much seems like a baby in many senses and babies want mama’s milk, same as toddlers do to it seems 🙂

Our choice to continue nursing past the one-year mark involves many factors, below are three of the bigger ones:

1) We have not received any vaccines *yet* and I am most comfortable with this path as long as we are still nursing and do so until at least 2 years of age. This is also the recommendation from Dr. Sears if you are choosing not to vaccinate. Source: The Vaccine Book: Making the Right Decision for Your Child, By Dr. Sears

2) Nutritionally there is still a requirement for “milk” until age 2. The majority of children start receiving cow’s milk at one year, the AAP recommends 16 oz of whole milk until the age of 2. Source Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Copyright © 2009 American Academy of Pediatrics) Logically, if my child still requires milk why would I take him off of my milk and switch him to milk from a cow?

And…

3) It isn’t time. Motherhood has taught me WAY too many things to be honest, but the biggest ones are to trust myself, and go with the flow (no pun intended!). I will know when it is time for both of us. It might not happen at the same time, maybe it will, but right now neither of us are there. We both are in fact ready to night wean though, more on this in a little bit.

So we have decided to continue on in our breastfeeding journey, but feeding a little baby at the breast is NOT the same as feeding a toddler at the breast. Personally, it has been a very hard transition for me. Breastfeeding actually did NOT come easy to us after birth, once my son was finally feeding at the breast we dealt with horrific reactions to proteins from many different foods in my milk and crazy elimination diets for me that lasted until he was 4 ½ months old.

Then it was the snacking. My son has always been a “snacker” at the breast and I was filled with constant worry and anxiety that he was not getting enough because he never fed longer than a couple of minutes, if that. Then it was distracted nursing, then it was only nursing at night, then it was the other nipple twiddling that would NOT STOP, and then we went through this period where he would lay calmly and take his time and nursing was oh my gosh BLISSFUL!

It was what everyone had been talking about this whole time and I felt relaxed and full of love, and then, it ended. And we entered into toddler breastfeeding, which although may not be the hardest of them all is definitely very difficult, especially when it seems more of a longer-term reality as opposed to “just a phase” like the other frustrations I mentioned. After a little bit of research, some trial and error, talking with other mamas, and attending a La Leche League meeting I put together some things that I think will make breastfeeding a toddler a little easier.

Boundaries: Discipline has such a negative connotation, especially when gentle parenting is involved. But I have learned that productive, respectful boundaries and discipline are really going to be essential for us. My doula says that “nursing a tiny baby on demand is entirely different than nursing a demanding toddler” and it is something I find myself repeating daily!

My son pulls down my shirt whenever/wherever, throws himself backwards or kicks when he wants milk NOW, will point and cry whenever I am changing clothes, throws huge fits because he wants to go back and forth nursing off of each breast (I still don’t know why this is?) and all of these things have put a huge strain on our nursing relationship. It makes me resentful, frustrated, consider weaning completely, and overall just feel very out of control. After I recognized it was time for us to set boundaries I turned again to Dr. Sears and ordered The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten. I have not started reading it yet and am not sure exactly how I am going to go about setting boundaries as it relates to nursing but I know for us there will be no more “self serving”, or hitting and kicking mama for milk, nursing during meal times while simultaneously wanting to eat solid food, and no more pacifying at the breast throughout the entire night. I mentioned it earlier, and it is my next main point…

Night Weaning: I am not suggesting that as soon as your baby turns one he/she needs to be night weaned, not at all. Here are some other reasons why a mom might wean: mom is pregnant, Mom wants to increase fertility & become pregnant, Mom goes back to work outside the home and needs more sleep, etc.

In addition to the strains on our nursing relationship I mentioned above, my son wakes every 45 to 60 minutes throughout the entire night to nurse. He spends a lot of his time “sleeping” while still sucking at the breast and no matter how deep of a sleep I think he may be in, protests whenever I try to unlatch him. Teething has made this even worse and because he is half (or more) asleep while using his breast pacifier his latch becomes shallow and he bites with his top teeth so the nipple won’t sneak out, I am often half sleeping too and it will often go on for hours. This has caused a huge injury to my left nipple that is taking weeks to heal and is making all feedings very painful! Recently I have gone through long periods where I “hate” nursing and when I stop to really think about it and consider what not nursing my son at all anymore looks like I realize it isn’t nursing that I dislike, it is nursing all throughout the night.

I have considered night weaning in the past because of just plain sleep deprivation but it never felt right, after a year I had a complete shift in my heart. I just felt it was time. My son needs his own space, he has made that very clear to me and he also needs more sleep. Nursing throughout the night is just as distracting to him as it is comforting.  More and more, he is waking up cranky in the mornings. It took me awhile to come to peace with this transition, but a nursing relationship is just that – a relationship involving two parties, both of which need to be happy in order for the relationship to continue harmoniously. Not only will night weaning hopefully afford me more sleep and subsequently more energy and patience but it will bring more peace into our nursing relationship that will allow it to continue much longer.

Nursing Space: Having a single dedicated place to nurse is not that practical with an active toddler that is probably breastfeeding at home, in the car, in public, in bed, etc. but I have found for us that going into a more quiet, dimly lit room with less distractions does help. I plan on creating a little “nursing corner” in my son’s room, where we sit down, get comfortable, relax and always nurse in while at home.  When we are out and about if it is possible I will go into another less crowded or empty room, if that isn’t an option I like snuggling into the back seat of the car before we arrive or before we leave. My hope is that having to stop whatever activity my son is currently engaged with and leave it behind to go nurse will possibly change to having more nursing “sessions” than drive-by-just-a-couple-sips between ball throwing and block building.

 Babywear: My Ergobaby has been my single most used piece of “baby” equipment and I still use it at least once every day. I can unbuckle the back, loosen one shoulder strap and nurse my son comfortably, discreetly, hands free and ultra conveniently.  He nurses his longest stretches while being worn, and being outside and often walking allows for enough simulation that he relaxes in his pack and takes his time feeding. I see our baby wearing/breastfeeding time continuing well into the second year.

I will continue to share about our breastfeeding journey through year two as I put more of these into practice in our daily lives and look forward to hearing about how your breastfeeding relationships change and evolve over time too.

What all have you experienced with an older nursling? Do you have any other tips to continue the breastfeeding relationship successfully into the second year and beyond?

 

WW: May Days

What a fun theme to tie in our Mother’s Day Tea Party. It was so much fun to pull this event together. We got to spend the afternoon visiting with one of our alumni families.

The theme here was supposed to be breastfeeding today – moved everything over to  the SPB Blog so we could showcase the Tea Party here.  Head over there to see beautiful mamas and babies normalizing breastfeeding.

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Otter and Charger doing some reading together – not tea party, just something we did in May 🙂

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Step 1: Set out the Tea Party for the Sweet Peas – metal cups and saucers to really drink out of, and play cupcakes to do imaginative play with between courses.

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Favors for all the mamas – bud vases with a red rose, personalized with their names in the theme of pink and green.

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Final table setting – serving ware, homemade yummy lemonades and orange-mint water infusion, table accents built with mama gifts, and all thing Sweet Pea safe in the front!

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Otter taking in the Tea Party table – she was beyond excited and ready to get into everything before guests arrived!!

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Favor table: trying to use pink+green theme for containers: butterfly blow-outs, rubber duckies, bubbles, finger puppets, flower rings and moustache rings.

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Sweet Pea – Table for 2

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Photo area props and picnic tables with imaginative play stations: 1) Make your own cupcake 2) Tea party cups and desserts

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First course: Tea sandwiches: Salmon-Cucumber-Dill, Egg-Mayo, and Cucumber-Dill. The fresh dill from our herb garden made these sandwiches pop with flavor!

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Second course: Scones: homemade gluten-free basic, homemade gluten-free peach, and cranberry-orange from Whole Foods. Although I tried to channel Mrs. Padmore, I felt like my scones ended up more first-season Daisy in appearance. My critics loved the flavor and they disappeared! Served with butter, clotted cream, and organic strawberry jam. I am now officially addicted to clotted cream.

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Third course: Sweets – these beauties are from Gluten-Free Creations Bakery. Oh My Yum.

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Third course: Sweets – we served a double chocolate chip cake and the GF cupcakes. Sweet finish to a sweet afternoon!

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Our guests for our first Sweet Pea Tea! On the table were a couple more crafts for our toddler guests – make your own hat and make your own jewelry. This Sweet Pea was a little young to partake – he sure did enjoy the cheese and strawberries, though!!

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Otter trying her hand at making her own cupcakes for imaginative play. We had some left over pipe cleaners with pom poms glued on the ends from the play cupcakes we made – Otter and Charger had fun playing with those.

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Picture time – Otter wanted everyone to wear hats – except her, of course!

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Puma has a turn with the hat!

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Sweet Pea and Puma

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Otter strikes a fairy pose

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Tea Party after-party – those after-parties always have their own stories!!

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Otter set her own private table – on the taller table you can see another mama-favor. Packets of Sweet Pea Seeds tied into their place setting napkin. The packet claimed these to be good container seeds…we need to plant ours – will see what happens!!

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Oh the joy of being two – everything is awesome!

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Otter has accomplished her mission – hats for everyone! We set up a little tea party on the picnic table and got to do what I had hoped – spread a little magic and marvel into the day. Otter had fun serving us tea from the carafe, clinking tea cups, and we all had a laugh as we tried to drink with our pinkies in the air!

Tuesday Tips: Change Your State

The “I hate parenting” and “parenting stinks” attitudes don’t fit me – I cannot imagine the day that they will.   Exploring links and other bloggers, I ran across another personality that tells people that you are not going to have great days – maybe just a few good moments here and there.  It has bothered me all weekend.

In the interest of full disclosure, I admit that it might be easier for me to be a parenting Pollyanna than others.  I only have to be a full-time mother, cook, chauffeur and chore-doer about two months out of the year.  The rest of the time, I have help from our nanny and a housekeeper.  They allow me to focus on homeschooling our children, keep up with our students, and do some writing instead of doing chores and KP 3 times a day. Make no mistake – I feel pressure and I have stress – I take on too much because I know I have help.  So no, I may not have mountains of laundry and piles of dishes that drag me down 365 days a year…I do have 30 hours of activities packed into 24 hour days, which is a different challenge and still requires me to breathe deeply and focus on the children as gifts and not distractions.  So that being said…

You know what? I call Scrooge.  I am the first to admit it is hard.  I will also be the first to say change your state – it’s a matter of perspective.  I know that there are mountains of work – learn how to whistle and teach your children how to whistle or hum along with you.  There are tons of lemons – add sugar, and invite your children to use their spoons as you use yours.

Attitude is everything when it comes to life – my mission is to teach my children to love it, and it starts with me and my example. If I run around complaining, what will it teach them? To complain? It’s no big surprise that those children are then called whiny whiners by the same parents that can’t stand being parents.

Those of us blessed enough to have families are the envy and the thorn in the side to those folks in the world who struggle with infertility.  I cringe every time a blogger takes to the blogosphere to say parenting is a drain, a chore, or anything else they want to call it.  Those people who could never have children would give up body parts to have a child to call their own.

Are you going to have bad days? Of course there will be days that you want to start over.  Guess what? DO IT! Start over! Gather your children, face your family, tell them you are sorry that they day has been bumpy, and that you are hitting the restart button.  Everybody gets to say a happy thought, then tuck everybody back in for a few minutes of reflection, and then when everybody gets out of bed again – choose to have a great day!

If you have time, you can also use water as a tool to change everyone’s state.  Water is so good at diffusing tension.  Get in the bath tub, get in your pool, get a play pool for $5 over the summer months that you can store and pull out to use as needed throughout the year.  You can play fun music, blow bubbles, play mermaids and pirates – just do something that gets everyone out of their funk.

You have things to do? Places to go? People to see? Time is a construct.  Our children are vivid, real, living, breathing.  I am okay being late or skipping an event if it just causes more stress than joy.

There are days that we all have a doctor’s appointment that cannot be rescheduled, or a school to arrive at on time.  In those instances, take the re-set idea and make it fit into your day.  Play music and have a mini-dance party before you walk out the door.  Play with bubbles.  Go draw with chalk on the sidewalk. Have everyone pick their favorite book and have a reading party.  Serve breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner picnic style…do something that breaks out of your regular mold and makes your children sit up and notice that you see them and you care about creating moments of joy in their lives.

Is deciding to change your state not enough for you? Maybe you are a single parent, or like a single parent because your partner is not involved with the children due to time or circumstance.  I will share something I learned from our students – build a tribe.  Find other people who get you – and yes, it means you will have to be vulnerable and show them your scars so that they can show you theirs.  These mama-tribes are unbelievable – they have helped each other through challenges, and they will continue to face challenges as their children grow, and they will do it *together*.  A good place to start is a meet-up group with children born in a certain month/year, library storytimes, parenting groups, or putting a feeler out on social media to organize playdates – you have to start somewhere.  Little by little you will build a tribe that becomes a family built by love and shared experience.  You do not have to be alone on this journey.

We are the tapes that will play in their heads when they grow up.  We are one of the voices that they will hear when they have to face the hard moments as adults.  Instead of leaving them with a tape that they have to erase and try to forget, give them a tape that encourages them and builds them up every time.

Parenting is an awesome gig – learn it, love it, own it.  Show up BIG, because parenting matters.

Being a Doula #1

Through a convergence of circumstances, I was enlisted to sign up for a Doulas Of North America (DONA) training class last fall.  I completed the course even though the circumstances around why I was enlisted to certify as a doula changed.  Seeing as how I usually like to finish the things I start, I am going to go ahead and complete the certification, and thanks the confidence and trust of our SPB students, I will get to complete at least three births as a doula this year.

I would like to chronicle some of the things that I am learning along the way.  Although there are certainly enough organizations willing to certify that you have taken their course, and definitely lots of people who will help you promote the business for a fee, there is surprisingly little information out on the web on “how” to be a doula – what do you do once you complete your course and you are seeking work as a doula?

THIS page is a reminder for me to review before I go to a birth, and also shared as a resource for other people who are thinking about or new to doula work.  Some lessons are things I learned in class, others I learned via student experiences with doulas, and sadly, some I learned the hard way – by making the mistake, and learning from it.

Fortunately, I have a built-in source of potential clients from our childbirth classes to attend my certifying births.  Should I choose that this is the right path for me, I would also have a captive audience for my services. To be fair, I would ask them to interview at least two other people to make sure that I am the right fit for the birth they are preparing for.

Although I love birth and attending births, I cannot say right now that I feel an undeniable calling to this work.  My first birth as “the doula” was a wake-up call for me.

I went to my chiropractor for my regular adjustment, and as in previous births I have attended as labor support for students, I asked if there were any positions I could offer, or words that the mother needed to say out loud.  Imagine my surprise when his answer was that I was a hindrance to the birth…I was devastated.  I then called the student to break the news that I should not come back…it was so hard to do because their original doula had backed out on them (via text!), which is why I had offered to stand in for her.  Looking back now, I should have let them reflect on that information and ask them to be the final arbiters of the decision.  My leaving left them high and dry, because their other labor support decided not to go back either and they were left alone, whether they wanted to be or not.

On the other hand, I attended a birth earlier this week where I was able to fulfill my role as the doula.  The birth was amazing and both the mother and her coach did amazing.  Both the mother and the grandmother who served as the main coach said they couldn’t have done it without me.  While that is a nice compliment, it also leaves me feeling like I robbed them of the experience of “I couldn’t have done it without you” for each other…this is emotional stuff and I believe that bond should stay within the family.

To add to this, I am a planner.  I like to know who, what, when, where – having two students with impending labor, worried that they might be in labor at the same time, planning but not planning our lives…I still don’t know if that is the right path for me in the future.  I know that in this season it is definitely not something I will do outside of the work I want to do to complete my certification because we still have a nursling at home. My breasts were definitely a little uncomfortable after a long time of not nursing, and I was worried about my/her milk supply dropping.  In the future, once there are no more nurslings…I just don’t know.

I love birth – I love supporting – I *love* seeing a new soul welcomed earthside – their is no denying the miracle and the beauty – it is such an honor and a privilege to be there on Birth-Days.  There is still a lot I have to learn so that I can be the kind of doula I want to be – background support without being on center stage.

WW: Spring Fever

So this is a day late for a beautiful reason…I got called away from my computer to spend time with my children and then as I was sitting down to post last night…I was called away to support a family for their daughter’s birth – WOW! Mama was a rock star!

So, without further ado, here are this week’s Wordless Wednesday images:

May 14th: Spring Fever
What are you and your Sweet Pea doing to enjoy this beautiful weather? Show us your favorite places to be with your favorite people. Also send us your Mother’s Day celebration photos – hope everyone had a beautiful day!

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Mother’s Day Flowers

Reader share: Running through sprinklers at Grandma's house in IN

Reader share: Running through sprinklers at Grandma’s house in IN

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Reader share: Out and about in the little red wagon

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Reader share: Phoenix Art Museum Sculpture Garden

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Reader Share: Phoenix Zoo water play at the Yakulla Caverns

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Reader share: Playing at the park with Daddy

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Reader Share: Sweet Pea absolutely loves riding around our neighborhood in her tricycle, which she calls a car

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Mother’s Day gift created/chosen by Puma

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Night Owl’s favorite spring spot – next to the peach tree – self-serve takes on a new meaning!!

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New snack: Chocolate-covered Kiwi Lollipops

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Baby Llama with it’s mama – area neighborhood

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Feeding the sheep at Agritopia – Gilbert, AZ

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Sheep shearing at Agritopia – GIlbert, AZ

See where we have been out and about with our crew over on our Sweet Pea Births Blog

Monday Musing: Mother’s Day

“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”

~Jill Churchill

Celebrating the day with our four children yesterday was amazing.  We are so blessed to have them in our lives.  I often marvel that I was chosen to be their mother – they are each of them teaching me lessons that I need to learn.  I thank God that he trusted me to grow them and nurture their souls, and pray that I don’t break them as I learn the lessons He sent with them!

I am also painfully aware that Mother’s Day might be hell on earth for other women: the women who have angels waiting in heaven from miscarriage, stillbirth or child loss, to those who’s hearts are heavy as they struggle with infertility, or because they never conceived and their childbearing days are over.  Maybe this is the first year without their own mother who has been called on to the next journey, or it is one of the successive years after the loss of their own mother that still carries a dull ache. 

For at least a month leading up to the event and for the whole second Sunday of May, every retailer, card company and television commercial is grinding salt into their wound.  I propose that it is up to us to mother these women – we can be the ones to love them, cherish them, listen to them, cry with them – just be with them without offering platitudes and trite words.   Make an effort and plan time with them – be available if they want to talk or share memories. Here are some places I go for word reminders when I am going to be “holding space” with them:

So how does the quote above tie-in? I am reminded once again that I have an incredible gift: four healthy, vibrant children that are very much alive.  I owe it to them to learn what makes them “tick”.  I owe it to them to put away my screens and literally face-time with them beyond doing our school-work together.  Hug them every day.  Look them in the eye every day.  Tell them they are loved, cherished and show them that they are respected every day.  Ask them what they want to do this week and make sure that the reasonable requests get planned and get done. The unreasonable requests present opportunities for creative play – something we can definitely do more. Since I am so list-driven, I lose sight of creative play – time to bring it back!

I will never be perfect – I can however, do my very best to be good to them and do good for them all throughout their day.

Tuesday Tips: Sibling Preparation

 

This article is a part of the Carnival of Natural Mothering hosted by GrowingSlower, Every Breath I Take, I Thought I Knew Mama, African Babies Don’t Cry, and Adventures of Captain Destructo. This month’s topic is Siblings. Be sure to check out all of the participants’ posts through the links at the bottom of this page.

Prompt:  Siblings
There is no relationship quite like the sibling relationship! Tell us how you prepared your family for the addition of a new baby. We’d love to hear how you foster a strong bond between your kids. Or, maybe you’d like to write about lessons learned from your own sibling relationships. Let’s talk about ways we can foster love and connection between our children this month.

Sibling preparation…this is a topic that has been coming up a lot lately…very exciting times for our students and our homebirth community!!  Thoughtful families wonder how they can best ease the transition as they add siblings.

BLOG ww spf outandabout.8Here is our brood enjoying counter-time at a local diner.

We are by no means experts.  What I have listed below are the things that have worked for our family.  Please feel free to add your suggestions and advice in the comments!

PREGNANCY

1.) We made a family birth plan using words and pictures

2.) We did family relaxation practice and labor rehearsals to help them prepare for labor and birth…

  • we talked about what a “working face” looks like – tension/pain vs. relaxation face
  • we talked about blood – ouchy blood from a cut vs. labor blood that means mommy’s body is working

3.) Point out other children who were big brothers and sister and talked about the kinds of things they were doing and the baby who was “just sleeping” or “just sitting”

4.) Depending on interval between children:
Have siblings help clean/set out the newborn items.
Use it as an opportunity to share

    • how they were so little once
    • how neat they are at their current age (point out all the things they have learned since then)
    • boundaries and expectations for their interaction with the newborn (you can hug and kiss baby while mommy is holding baby; if you want to, you can hold baby if I help you; you can help pick out clothing, diapering, bathtime, etc.)

BIRTH

1.) With caregivers during labor: Children had a box especially set aside of new things to play with: play-dough, coloring books and crayons, books, a little toy car or miniature dolls, disposable camera

2.) Homebirth – give the children the opportunity to participate as little or as much as they wanted to.  They could come in where we were laboring, they could walk with us, eat with me, nap – or not.

3.) First visit/immediately after:
Giving a gift to the older sibling(s) from the newborn (Note: This worked especially well for our oldest who’s love language is giving gifts)

PREGNANCY+POSTPARTUM

1.) We did lots of reading/picture books that explored pregnancy and  new babies/siblings

2.) Toddlers tend to be egocentric – make it work in your favor.
You are big!  You can _____ , not the baby, (s)he is too little. (spoken in a sing-song voice for emphasis.)
– eat (their favorite food)
– run
– play
– go (special trip)
– mention things they can do by themselves

3.) Reminding them that the baby was not going to be fun like them until they were older – they would have to let the baby sleep, nurse, and grow before they were ready to play.  I phrase this in relation to a season or the siblings age.

The baby will be able to respond to you/play ___ with you
– in the (season)
– when you are (age)
– after you turn (age)

4.) Use whichever phrasing resonates with your child.  We would set the expectation for 6-9 months for responding; after the 1 year birthday for actually playing things like ball, climbing, hide and seek, etc.

5.) It will look like a lot of work/It is a lot of work for mommy because the baby is going to need lots of help/sleep/breastfeeding instead of being a big helper like you;

Children of any age:

Big Helpers
Letting the children help with newborn in age appropriate ways – picking out clothing, doing diapers with assistance, bringing mommy snacks or water.  The key here was only if they wanted to help – we never wanted them to feel like they existed to be our “go-fers”

What can they do independently?
Point out those things and let them do them.  Recognize their initiative whenever they make an attempt to do something for themselves, even if you have to help them re-do it or clean up a mess – hard to do when you are tired from caring from a newborn, I know.
What centers around them?

Favorites
Do they have a favorite book/story/food/activity? Choose them! Often!

Field trips
Is there someone you trust that you they can special dates with? (other parent, grandparents, aunts/uncles)  Arrange anything from free picnic+park dates to things that cost $$, give them independent time, and as a bonus – you get alone time with your newborn!  The key again is to build them up as the big kids that are old enough to go do special things – not the baby – they’re too little.

“Let’s let the baby sleep so that we can play together.  I want to play with you!”
This reinforces the idea that the baby needs to sleep so that the older child doesn’t pinch, kiss, hug, whatever to get the crying reaction that they find so curious!  In addition, if they can be patient and quiet, the big reward is getting you all to themselves!

“I have something to tell you, so scoot over here and come closer to me.”
Changing the tone – whisper to them so that they have to be quiet to hear you.

Family bath time with mommy, baby, siblings in the tub and Daddy supervising and drying off kiddos as they came out of the tub

Sensory play
– water
– sand
– beans
– rice
– make a bin with different textures and colors
Sensory bins are a great way to engage them in exploration and busy-ness without having to do a lot on your part (other than set it up!).  You and the baby can sit with the older siblings and watch and interact while the older siblings entertain themselves with pouring, feeling, and learning.

Going out for a walk or a drive together
Fresh air and sunshine are good for everyone!

FILL THEIR CUP

I will close with this idea from Charlotte Mason, a 19th century British educator whose works have come to light again as parents search for alternatives to cookie-cutter education

Every day, children need something to love, something to do, something to think about.

If you believe that this is a valid philosophy, then think of the ways that you can fill those needs as parents.  I feel that if we are meeting their needs, then one presumes that their cup is full and they are less likely to act out in search of attention “just because”.

What worked to ease the transition to more siblings in your family?

Read more about Sibling Preparation on our Sweet Pea Births blog

Monday Musings: Midwives

Today is International Day of the Midwife – wishing all these amazing birthworkers a very blessed day!

Our midwives made a huge difference in the way we labored and birthed Otter – HERE is Part 1 of her birth story and HERE is Part 2 – it’s long so I split it up.  (I was impressed I was able to compress 3 days into two blog posts – lol.)

As we fought for homebirth rights again this legislative session in Arizona, one thing became crystal clear for me.  We cannot change our abysmal birth outcomes until we change the paradigms around birth in our country.

Doctors putting down midwives…hospital midwives touting their credentials and college degrees…homebirth midwives asking to be recognized for their skill set and knowledge that has been handed down through the ages.

And I mean that literally: there is no way the human species would have survived if these women didn’t know a thing or two about birth.  How many species have we seen become extinct in our lifetime?  It happens! If birth was as dangerous and mysterious and frightening as the scare-tactic practitioners would have you believe, we would have been gone AGES ago.

While there are fabulous and atrocious providers in all three categories of pregnancy care providers, it is time we demand better.  I would be thrilled if by the time our children are having children, midwives are caring for the majority of the population that is low-risk with the “watchful waiting” model of midwifery care. And, obstetricians are still in practice to care for the high-risk pregnancies that truly need a different skill set and level of care.  It is possible to rewrite our birth paradigm and have everyone (well, almost everyone!) respect each other and get along.

There is no doubt that modern medicine has improved outcomes for women with true complications of pregnancy and childbirth – here are a few cases where we can definitely be grateful: Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, NICU care that allows preemies to survive and thrive, cesarean births for mothers with transverse babies, placenta abruptia, placenta accreta – these are all situations where modern medicine has had a positive impact.

However, we have to ask ourselves – how have we gotten to the point where almost 33% of all births end with surgery? Why have we dropped (AGAIN!) in maternal mortality rates – we are now ranked 50 in the world.  Why are we ranked at 56th in the world for infant mortality rate?? Something is seriously and desperately wrong with maternity care.  Birth is not a pathogen; it’s not an illness that needs to be managed and controlled.

I ask families to research the possibility of midwifery care.  HERE is a look at a recent study that demonstrated that midwifery-led care dramatically improved outcomes.

From the Midwives Alliance of North American (MANA) website, here are some of the benefits you might expect from midwifery care:

    • monitoring the physical, psychological and social well-being of the mother throughout the childbearing cycle
    • providing the mother with individualized education, counseling, and prenatal care, continuous hands-on assistance during labor and delivery, and postpartum support
    • minimizing technological interventions and
    • identifying and referring women who require obstetrical attention.

Also from MANA:

What women love is that there is more to maternity care with a midwife than checking blood pressure, fundal height, weight and urine checks.

  • You will see a familiar face at each of your appointments, and you will be given adequate time to ask questions and address your concerns.
  • Your midwife is a specialist in pregnancy, birth and postpartum care who has designed a complete program of care to nurture healthy pregnancy, joyful birth and confident parenting.
  • You will receive individualized, culturally appropriate, family-centered full-scope prenatal services, and continuous care and support during labor and birth.
  • Your midwife will incorporate shared decision-making into your care so that you will feel informed and empowered to make good health decisions for you, your infant and your family.
  • Your midwife has the skills and knowledge to facilitate healthy normal childbirth, to assure comfort and safety for you and your baby, and to accommodate your family’s needs.
  • You midwife has a plan for collaboration with obstetricians, pediatricians, and other specialists in the rare case where medical care for mother or your baby is needed.
  • You will receive nurturing postpartum care and support in your home and the midwife’s office in the weeks and months after birth as you adjust to your new baby and the changes in your family.

Source: http://www.mana.org/about-midwives/midwifery-model

Midwives have long served the underprivileged and the marginalized by society. Making them available in community health care centers would address the needs of the communities ravaged by the disparity in health care based on the ability to pay for care.  I am ashamed to read that the difference in birth outcomes would be drastically improved along color lines – we are living in 2014!! This should not even be a discussion about racial barriers and access to care, but it is. IT IS.

Not all families are comfortable with the idea of homebirth.  Those families who want to birth in a hospital setting have the options of midwifery care from hospital-based Certified Nurse-Midwives.  They have the training to use medical interventions plus they are taught about birth as a normal function of the female body, not a pathogen that needs to be managed and controlled as dictated by the obstetrical model of care.  Our experience as we hear our student’s birth stories is that they tend to use them judiciously within the “watchful waiting” model of midwifery care.

The bottom line is this: families are seeking respectful, personalized, humanized care in droves. Midwives and the midwifery model of care are definitely staying and growing in the USA.  It’s time to rewrite our birth paradigm and find ways for all care providers to forge new pathways to mutual respect and understanding so that mothers and babies have a chance for a future.

Essential Oil Basics for the Home & Family

Essential Oils are a huge part of how we keep ourselves and our home happy, healthy and clean. I have dreams of one day having an entire medicine cabinet completely stocked and organized with tons of essential oils and oil blends for every specific complaint and ailment but the reality is that quality oils are pricey and only a handful really will cover almost all of the bases.

essential oil photo

Now that my family has been routinely been using essential oils for over two years and has gotten into a groove of using a specific number of oils for almost all of our needs I thought I would share what that looks like.

There are numerous producers of essential oils on the market, and many high quality companies. I personally use and love doTERRA, although I have heard good things about Mountain Rose Herb’s oils & Young Living Essential Oils.

We currently purchase: Tea Tree, Lavender, Peppermint, Lemon, Clove, On Guard Blend, Citrus Bliss Blend, and occasionally Eucalyptus. Below are all of the ways I use these 8 essential oils in our daily life for health and wellness.

Hand Sanitizer: 2 oz amber glass bottle with spray top filled 3/4 way with witchhazel, squirt of aloe vera gel, 5-10 drops tea tree oil, 5 drops On Guard oil

All Purpose Cleaning Solution: 1 large glass spray bottle filled 3/4 with warm water, 1/4 vinegar, 20 drops Citrus Bliss Blend & 10 drops Tea Tree Oil (optional, sometimes we add sometimes not). We use this to clean counters, clean carpet, clean floors, spills on the mattress, just about any/all surfaces. I have used many different applicable essential oils for our cleaner (tea tree + lavender, on guard, on guard + tea tree) and we enjoy the way Citrus Bliss smells the most. I do not mind the vinegar smell but some of the essential oils mixed with vinegar can smell like ketchup or just funky,, especially when used on the carpet, fabrics, etc.

Home Diffusing: We have an Aroma Ace Diffuser and for overall immune boosting I like to diffuse On Guard Blend in various rooms of our house or Lemon during the spring/summer so the whole house smells fresh & clean! Citrus Bliss is also yummy smelling to diffuse, especially when having guests over, etc.

Drinking Water: I add 2-3 drops of Lemon Oil to my water in my glass Life Factory water bottle to drink throughout the day, yum.

Stainless Steel Cleaner: When we used to have stainless steel appliances I would clean them with water & lemon oil – worked like a charm! You can also use a cotton ball with a little water and 1 drop of lemon oil to clean an IPhone or computer screen.

Facial Toner/Pimples: We use Tea Tree Oil as a facial toner after washing sometimes and to spot treat pimples anywhere on the body

Eczema: My son had a really bad patch of eczema on the crease and beyond of his hand, I mixed some organic, unrefined olive oil with 3 drops of tea tree oil and applied with a Q-tip 2x a day, it completely cleared up over the course of a couple weeks, you could never even tell where it was now.

Teething Oil: In another 2 oz glass bottle I combined 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil, 2 drops peppermint oil, 2 drops clove oil, and 10 drops grapefruit seed extract (optional).

Headaches: Rub peppermint oil and lavender oil on temples & back of neck

Fever: Mix a little coconut oil with a couple drops of peppermint oil and lavender oil and apply to bottom of feet and back of neck.

Baths: Add lavender oil to baths to relax, for mama and baby!

Sunburn (or any burn): Mix 1/2 vinegar & 1/2 water in 2 oz spray bottle with 5 drops lavender oil and 5 drops tea tree oil and spray all over burned area.

Toothache: Add 2-3 drops clove oil to melted coconut oil and swish/spit. Apply a small amount directly to tooth afterwards, reapply throughout the day.

Toothpaste: We make our own toothpaste using melted coconut oil, baking soda, and 3 drops of peppermint oil

Stuffy Nose: Boil a pot of water on the stove with 5-10 drops tea tree oil, stand over pot breathing in the steam. We usually do not have Eucalyptus oil on hand but during some recurring colds I had while pregnant I purchased some and did this with a blend of tea tree & eucalyptus oils.

Chest Rub during cold/flu: Coconut oil with Tea Tree and/or Eucalyptus oils. We use on the bottom of our feet as well.

Laundry: I like to add 2 drops of peppermint oil or 2 drops of lemon oil to our wash load. My husband will also spray shirts or pants that need “fluffing” with a combo of water & peppermint or water & lavender and then throw into the dryer.

Immunity Boost: Whenever we need an overall immunity boost (upcoming travel, one of us or people around us are sick, etc.) I spray door handles, countertops, tables, the car with On Guard as well as apply to our feet and backs of our necks.

Colds/Sore Throat: Hot water, Apple Cider Vinegar, Lemon oil & honey

There are so many different oils and so many ways to use them but the above is what I find us doing on a regular and often daily basis. When we first became interested in using them we purchased this book to have on hand as a fast reference, it has been very helpful in many different situations! I am also thinking of purchasing this one next to have for my little one as he grows.

We purchase all of our doTerra oils through our lovely friend, Kelly, at Haute Boheme Essential Oils . She is very active online and via their Facebook Page for questions, concerns, just to chat, anything 🙂

There is nothing like the relaxed feeling I have knowing there are no chemicals in our house for cleaning, fragrance, laundry, body care, especially now that there is a very curious, active toddler among us. We are very grateful to have discovered essential oils and their endless uses that have seriously enriched our lives!

Do you mamas use essential oils for your little ones? What about for your family or home?