Author Archives: krystynabowman@gmail.com

My Boss Said Yes

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about your most unlikely support. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!

I have often said that I am one of the luckiest mamas in the world: I got to work and feed my baby as she needed to be fed because my boss said, “Yes.”

I was a ballroom dance instructor before I got married.  We got married, got pregnant, and I kept teaching until I was put on bedrest…once that confinement was over, I worked part time at the dance studio.  The understanding was that I would help out until our child was born, and then I was going to retire because I wanted to stay at home with her.  At the time, I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way.

Here we are goofing around after an event at the studio – dancers – always good for a pose!

Baby arrived, we are blissfully on our way as a family.  I miss dancing, and I miss teaching, however, being home with this incredible miracle of life is so amazing.  My husband is traveling a lot for his company.  Puma and I are finding our way as a MotherBaby.

Around the time when Puma turned four months old, I get a call from my former employer.  He asks how we are, how are things going, and what would it take for me to come back to work for him.  Mostly because I think he will never go for it, I say, “I would need to bring Puma with me.”

“Yes. Ok.  When do you want to start?”

My jaw hit the floor, and then the realization that my boss was serious.  He was saying yes to me doing what I loved all day long – dancing, teaching, and being a mommy.

He was true to his word.  He let me set-up a make shift nursery in what became “our” office.  I put a changing table in the women’s room.  I got to wear her in my sling as I taught.  She got to nurse when she needed to nurse, no questions asked.

I did bring a bottle of pumped milk to work with me on the days I knew I might not be able to nurse her right on cue – maybe I would be in the middle of a management duty, or she would wake up from a nap when it wasn’t immediately convenient to nurse.

I have been eternally grateful for the opportunity to keep working and still achieve my first priority – nurture and raise our child.  I know I was so blessed with a boss who valued me enough as an employee that he was willing to try something that is pretty unheard of in the USA.  It breaks my heart every time I hear about or see our Bradley™ students agonize over finding childcare before their maternity leave is over.

I am ready to find a way to normalize the MotherBabys in the workplace.  Surely, if I could manage in a setting that had me moving constantly, training staff and teaching students, someone who has a more sedentary job could do the same.  I still have to work out the piece about teachers being allowed to bring their babies to work – I know that the idea of breastfeeding in front of children of any age will cause problems for most people.  The irony is, that especially among the younger set, they are the most curious and accepting of nature’s way.

So here it is – an official thank you, in front of the whole world, to my amazing boss and dance partner, Harrison Powers, who made it possible for me to keep my love for dance alive while I got to do what is nearest and dearest to my heart: be with our baby.

She went on to nurse for 22 months, due in large part because we got off to a good start at home, and I was able to work without being away from her when she was an infant.  If and when I find them, I will post a picture of her first birthday party at the studio.  It was a beautiful tribute to this little gal who reminded us all of the joys of childhood as we got to watch her learn to crawl, dance and walk…in that order.  Most of all, it is a testimony to the big heart and open mind of one man, who knew that a MotherBaby should not be separated and did everything he could to make it so.

Ysabella still remembers being carried up high like this - Harrison was trying to teach her to "fly"

Ysabella still remembers being carried up high like this – Harrison was trying to teach her to “fly”

 

Puma learning to walk at the studio

Puma learning to walk at the studio

P.S. How the story went on: I kept on teaching and managing the studio until Puma was 18 months old. At that point, it was clear that we all needed more space.  Harrison was kind enough to let me run a management training course once a week – it served us both.  I am now a SAHM working mama to four kiddos, and he has moved on to being a vacation rental concierge and selling homes in the Phoenix area (visit him HERE ).

 

Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Thoughtful Thursday: Nursing in Public

We are giving a new blog feature a try.  Here is our first “Thoughtful Thursday”: Reflections on things that have worked for our family

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is breastfeeding in public. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!

Thanks to the efforts of groups like the Breastfeeding Café, more mothers who breastfeed know it is okay to feed their hungry babies wherever and whenever they are.  I have been the beneficiary of all the groundwork laid by groups that are hard at work to normalize breastfeeding.

Here are the tips that helped me gain confidence as a breastfeeding mother who fed her baby outside of the home, as well as some that I have seen our Bradley Method® students use successfully:

  • Attend a La Leche League or other support group meeting so you can see what nursing looks like.  You will see people nursing lots of different ways, and maybe you will see a style of nursing that looks like it will work for you.  There are nursing covers, nursing shawls, nursing ponchos, nursing wear that lifts up, tank tops with easy access, the list goes on.  You will see mamas ditching it all and simply lifting their breast out of their shirt and offering it to their nursling…seeing it in action may help you decide what you want to try first.
  • Go out with your partner or a friend the first few times you nurse in public.  Especially as a new mom, it’s very stressful to have your baby crying, feeling like you can’t move fast enough, and you are all slippery-fingered from sweat and “flusteration” (flustered and frustrated at the same time!).  Your support person can help you get organized while providing moral and physical support, reminding you that you are not alone.
  • Find out where other nursing moms go because they have found them to be baby/breastfeeding friendly.  Your local mamas will know who has a nice lounge in the women’s room (Nordstrom’s near us has one), or where to go where there are changing tables and comfy chairs (i.e., IKEA family restrooms have a room separate from the commode, Babies R’Us nursing rooms).  Check in with the mamas at the support group and they can probably rattle off a list of shops, restaurants and other businesses that you can go without feeling intimidated.
  • Travel as a pack with your mama tribe.  One MotherBaby pair is easy to pick on.  Two women will give someone who is thinking of saying something pause.  Three or more MotherBabys in a group and I am guessing you will be left alone, especially if one or more of you are nursing your baby as needed.  You also have a trusted companion to keep an eye on you (nothing showing that you don’t want showing as you NIP) or your baby (maybe you need to use the ladies’ room) as needed.
  • Know your rights as a breastfeeding mama under the law (click HERE for a state by state look).  Forty-five states* in the US have laws on the books that protect your right to breastfeed wherever you are lawfully present.  Some states take it even further and put fines in place so that anyone who harasses a breastfeeding MotherBaby is held accountable.  If you are approached, kindly inform the messenger that you and your baby are lawfully present as you are.  Would they like to be reassigned to a different section (i.e., if you are at a restaurant), or would the complaining party like to be relocated?
Do you have a business card to hand someone who questions your right to breastfeed? If not, contact me and I will send you one.

There is no such thing as “lawfully breastfeeding”. The question is, “Does this state protect my right to breastfeed with law(s)?”

When I look at what is most important about this topic is for mamas, I believe it is to be liberated from nursing in their car or the public bathroom just so that they don’t offend anyone.  Especially new mamas who are already worried enough about what they are and aren’t doing right…a basic necessity like meeting hunger needs should be easy and carefree for them.  As a society, we need to grow up and just let them nurse already, without having it become a major news story!

Closing thought:
You do not need permission to breastfeed somewhere.  It is a human right for a MotherBaby to feed and receive nourishment in accordance with Nature’s design.

What is your tip that has helped you with breastfeeding more confidently in public?

* Idaho, Michigan, South Dakota, Virginia have protection from indecency laws, but there is nothing that specifically allows a mother’s right to breastfeed at any public or private location.  West Virginia has nothing on the books in regards to nursing in public.

 

Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Tuesday Tip: Hot Cars and Car Seats

We have all read the heart-breaking stories of children being left in cars – intentionally or unintentionally, they are tragedies that could be avoided.

The tips listed below are from an article entitled, “Temperatures soar in hot car demonstration” from the Alice-Echo News Journal, a newspaper in Texas.  That is another place that knows all to well the soaring temperatures of the hot summer months!

  • Never leave your car keys where children can get them.
  • Keep car doors and trunks locked at all times, even in the garage or driveway.
  • Teach children not to play in or around cars.
  • Never leave your child unattended in a car, even if the windows are down and a wind shield shade is in place, not even just to run a quick errand.
  • Make sure all children leave the vehicle when you reach your destination.
  • Don’t overlook sleeping infants!
  • Make sure that the seat belt and seat surface are not too hot before buckling up your child.

Read the whole article:  http://bit.ly/16ygIb9

We used to use a cool-seat car seat cooler in our kiddos car seats to keep the buckles cool.  I never thought of the fact that it ensured that we took them out of the car.  How?   By leaving the cooler in the front seat when I left the house, it reminded me to put it in the car seat when we got to our destination, thereby reminding me there was a baby in there!

Not that I would like to think I could forget them!  The reality is that it’s not always the “bad parents” who make that mistake.  Sometimes it’s the “good parents” who have a change in routine that day; it throws them and they very regretfully forget that their child is along for a ride with them.

We have misplaced our cool seat, and I ran across another idea that I wanted to share – it was buried in the comments of another car seat article, so I couldn’t post it easily.  Here it is with my own twist:

  • Place a large stuffed animal in each of your children’s car seats – make each one individual so you can associate the toy with the child, or label it.  I will be labeling mine since we have four car seats and I know I won’t remember name associations on busy days.
  • As you put your child in their car seat, or they seat themselves, place their stuffed animals in the front seat of the car.
  • When you get to your destination, trade back…as you take a child out, put their stuffed animal back in their car seat.  This way you know that all children are safely out of the car with no risk to being left alone and overheat in your parked car.
  • The added benefit of this tip in our hot weather is that the stuffed animal can absorb the heat beaming in through the windows, keeping the buckles and straps cool until our return from running errands.

This is definitely a tip we will be implementing.  While the point of the cool seat was to keep the car seat cool to the tough, I also had to try to remember a towel to keep the car seat from getting moist as the ice packs defrosted in the cool seat.  Don’t ask me how often our kiddos had a moist car seat after we got back from doing our grocery shopping :/

Do you have any hot car/ hot car seat safety tips to share?

Tandem Nursing…Extended

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about breastfeeding multiple children. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 22nd through August 4th!

I got pregnant with our third child much sooner than we expected, and because I was having contractions every time we breastfed, my doctor recommended that I stop breastfeeding.  She told me that my body was responding appropriately to the oxytocin that is produced every time I nursed, and that my body could spontaneously abort the pregnancy if I didn’t stop.

I was heartbroken because of all our children, our second child really needed the benefits of extended breastfeeding.  He has had food allergies since birth, and on top of that, he had an episode of RSV as an infant that left him with symptoms of asthma.  He definitely could have used the extra immunity and nutrition of toddler feeding.  However, since we had already had one miscarriage, I knew I would regret another one.   We weaned within a week of deciding to preserve the pregnancy.

After our third child was born, I began the process to become a childbirth educator.  As part of my training, I had to attend two La Leche League meetings.  At one of the meetings, I met a mom who was in her third trimester and still nursing her toddler.  After the initial shock and heartbreak, I pulled myself together and started asking her questions.  Did she have contractions when she nursed?  Was it uncomfortable?  What had her doctor said?  I learned that nursing through the pregnancy had been possible for her, so that was one sliver of hope that maybe I wouldn’t have to do an emergency weaning if I got pregnant again.

As a childbirth educator, I also got more involved with our local birth community.  Thanks to the different events around birth and breastfeeding, I kept running into a mama who nursed through her pregnancies and was nursing a toddler as well as her infant!  Not just one nursling, but two at a time!!  Wow!  This really opened my eyes to the possibility of nursing past the second birthday.  Here was living proof that tandem nursing was not just for twins.  Tandem nursing could also apply to siblings of different ages.

Empowered by these examples, I was determined to at least try to nurse through a pregnancy.  I was hoping I would get to be a tandem-nursing mama, however a safe pregnancy was first and foremost in my mind.  My original goal was to allow our child and I to determine the end of our breastfeeding relationship together. From the anecdotal stories I had heard about pregnancy and breastfeeding, I figured one of two things would happen.  Either our third child would stop nursing if and when the milk changed flavor after the pregnancy was established, or that he would lose interest once the milk dried up or changed to colostrum.

We got pregnant again when our third was 18 months old.  Just as before, I would start feeling contractions when he nursed.  Instead of worrying this time, I reminded myself that I knew two women who had nursed through pregnancies.  I held onto the idea that if they could do it, so could I.  When I felt contractions as I nursed, I started doing self-talk with my body and our baby.  I would repeat this mantra:  “Everything is okay.  Baby, you are safe.  These contractions are making milk.  Stay safe inside. I love you.” It know it might sound a little crazy, and am in no way suggesting that this will work for everyone.   However, it did work for me. I was grateful the relaxation and the calm frame of mind let me accomplish our goal.

Well, much to my surprise, I neared the end of my pregnancy and I still had a nursling.  Now he was two years old.  I could see that I had colostrum – and I could smell that it was salty.  I asked our child, “Are you sure you still want to nurse,” to which he emphatically shook his head, “yes,” and continued on.

Besides the mama examples, I credit my success in tandem nursing to the support from my local La Leche League chapter.  One of the leaders had nursed an infant and a toddler and she told me what to expect.  She also told me how to handle inquiries about the amount of nutrients for each child.  Here is what I learned:

  1. Once my milk came in, it was going to be like sweet cream for my toddler and to expect a new surge of interest.
  2. Set firm expectations with our toddler – when we would be breastfeeding, and how was that time going to work: feed the children together, feed them independently, would there be specific places that would be our nursing locations?  Once I set those parameters, try to stick to them since consistency works well with toddlers.
  3. Feed the baby first – she suggested making that a non-negotiable.  She also suggested to get my partner’s buy-in on that.  With both of us reminding our toddler that the baby nursed first, and my partner helping him wait patiently, we could be sure that the baby was going to get the nourishment she needed and that her needs were met before we traded the kiddos.
  4. I read and sent these two resources to a family member, who was very concerned about tandem nursing and the baby getting enough of the milk that she needed.  It came up in almost every conversation as the due date approached.  HERE is an article from the La Leche League website (they have since added THIS collection of links to their site), and HERE is another great link list from the trusted KellyMom page.

By educating myself on the possibility of nursing through a pregnancy, and preparing myself for tandem breastfeeding, I was able to accomplish my goal…I was allowing our child to determine his weaning schedule.  I was honoring his need to breastfeed, and I was not feeling any remorse about the choices I made.  We welcomed a healthy daughter in October of 2011, and I have been breastfeeding both children since then.

Yes, both.  As it turns out, I did more than accomplish my goal of simply nursing through a pregnancy.  I did get to be a tandem-nursing mama, and for a lot longer than I expected.  He is going to turn four tomorrow.  I can now say I am an extended breastfeeding mama.

I stopped nursing in public with our toddler as my pregnancy progressed.  I found it very hard to get comfortable as my belly grew, besides the fact I had two other children to keep track of.  Other than making the decision to nurse at home, I didn’t think anything of nursing a two-year old.

Then his third birthday came and went.  He was only nursing in the morning or at night, sometimes for a nap.  I started to wonder what house guests would think, and at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.  The relationship has still been beneficial to both of us.

He is one of our healthiest children – any cold he does get passes quickly and without incidence.  Last winter, his younger sister went on a nursing strike.  With his help, I was able to keep my supply up between his nursing and some hand expression.  He got a nasty stomach bug this spring – while it lasted 24-48 hours in the rest of us, he and his little sister only had it for a few hours.  Recently, he caught a cough that was going around.  As an experiment, I increased his breastfeeding – it seemed to help!

It has been a quandary.  While it has been great to increase the amount he nurses under beneficial circumstances, in the back of my mind I worry about sending him the wrong message.  While I treasure being a source of nourishment and antibodies, I feel like it is important for him to start finding other coping mechanisms as he turns four.  While I can never replace the health benefits of nursing, I have to trust that he has a well-developed immune system that can cope well enough without breastmilk.

In the last two weeks, I have definitely started to see a decrease in his interest to nurse.  Part of it has been the message my husband and I have been relaying to him.  We remind him he is going to be four, and we wanted him to start finding other ways to self-soothe when he was tired or upset.  We agreed that it was important to expand his repertoire of coping techniques.  I also think part of it is the natural weaning – although he still asks, he nurses for literally 60 seconds, and then he is off and running in a different direction.

I am finally going public with our extended breastfeeding story because it may help another mama look at her choices with more confidence, or maybe even consider extended nursing as a possibility.  I want other mamas to know they are not alone if they want to breastfeed through a pregnancy.  I want to lend courage to another mama who may feel pressure to wean a toddler although she and her nursling might not be ready.  My favorite idea that has guided me through this extended breastfeeding relationship is from our La Leche League group: Breastfeeding is a dance.  Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.

My extension to that thought:  You continue the dance as long as it is mutually beneficial.  When one of you is ready to stop dancing, you honor each other with a mutually peaceful and loving transition.

Wishing you breastfeeding mamas a beautiful dance with your nurslings!  Enjoy the dance in the moment.  When the music ends and it’s time to clear the floor, I hope you leave the floor with happy memories.  Go forward with the knowledge that you and your child will continue to be a great team as you move onto the next chapter of your relationship.

 

 

 
Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Thought Of The Day

As Norman Vincent Peale said, “Thoughts are things.”  One of my goals is to start each day with deep breaths and peaceful, empowering thoughts.  As I get good at that, I will be adding on so we create our own family routine to start each day connected and whole.

This is my focus for the upcoming week.

How do you honor your Sweet Peas?

Cooking with Sweet Pea Kids

We have been moving towards a whole food diet since Night Owl presented with food allergies as an infant.  The food that is easy to throw into the grocery cart for most families is not an option for us.  He is allergic to wheat (gluten), eggs, peanuts, coconut, hazelnuts, soy, watermelon, sugar, food dyes – all the prepackaged conventional snacks and treats are out for us.  People see that list and they feel sorry for us; they wonder out loud what there is that we can eat.

Answer:  Everything else.  I adjusted my outlook from despair at all the things he was allergic to…I had those moments when I wondered if we were ever going to eat “normally” again.  Now I look at it this way: those are only 8 foods/groups in the wide world of food.  We can eat millet, rice, corn, and quinoa based carb foods.  He can eat potatoes.  He can eat all the rest of the fruits and vegetables.  I looked it up…he has between 1,000 to 2,000 to choose from, depending on how you categorize the list.  Puma presented with the gluten allergy two years ago, so we made the switch to a gluten-free pantry and pretty much never looked back.

It has been the best thing that has happened to our family.  While some people struggle to make that transition from processed junk food and empty calories, our bigger challenge is how to change it up with the seasons.  How do we ensure that our kiddos have the best organic and conventional produce to choose from so that we save money and eat well at the same time?

With a little menu planning and information about produce, it’s actually very do-able.  We use the EWG’s Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen lists to decide which produce to buy organic and which crops to buy conventional.  We look through our cookbooks and find recipes that fit in with the ingredients that are in line with produce that is in season.  Now we are ready to make our shopping list for the farmer’s market and our local grocery store.

Here are our favorite cookbooks.  We have found that by working together as a family to choose recipes, the kiddos are vested in eating the food they help to prepare.  By allowing them to choose which recipes to try, there is a higher likelihood that they will taste the food that is served at mealtimes.

Superfoods for Babies and Children by Annabel Karmel

Superfoods for Babies and Children by Annabel Karmel

This is one of my favorite books for first foods.  Puma didn’t start solids until she was 11 months old – at her age, we used a food mill to grind up whatever we were eating and she ate on her own soon after that.  Since she pretty much started with whole foods, this was a great guide to help me design a plan for introducing solids.  We still use it today since there are a lot of whole food recipes that do not include Night Owl’s allergy foods, and the ones that do are easily modified.  One of our favorite recipes is the Broccoli Mac & Cheese.

Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld

Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld

Here is another favorite as families learn to eat first foods and beyond.  I made my own baby food for NIght Owl, and then followed suit with Charger.  Since I was making purees to feed the boys, I used them in the rest of our dishes to add flavor and nutrients.  Our favorite recipe in here is the spinach and carrot “infused” brownies.  I still use the tip of mixing purees into tomato sauces – that red hides just about everything.  Since we are not pureeing anymore, I do shred our fresh market vegetables into the sauce and simmer it on the stove.  The house smells amazing, and I watch with delight at mealtime as Sweet Pea Kids (and Dad!) lick their plates clean.

Weelicious by Catherine McCord

Weelicious by Catherine McCord

This has been Puma’s favorite book, as you can see by all the pages we have marked.  We are stuck on the Apple-Cinnamon pancake recipe – life-changing!  It was easily modified for our gluten-free, egg-free kitchen, and we have experimented with different fruits and add-ins.  It is by far Sweet Pea Dad’s favorite pancake recipe *ever*.  He, more than anyone, laments the shift to the gluten-free lifestyle.  We have also made some of the soup recipes, and are slowly working through the rest of the recipes we have marked to try out this summer.

Kid's Kitchen Cards from Barefoot Books

Kid’s Kitchen Cards from Barefoot Books

These are a brilliant concept from Barefoot Books.  There are 40 boardbook-type recipe cards with an illustration and ingredients on the front, and the instructions on the back.  Each of the kiddos can take turns choosing a card and deciding what to try for a snack or a main course.  Our favorite find in this stack has been the fruit kebabs.

Sweet Pea Families: Cooking with Sweet Pea Kids

The Vegetarian Family Cookbook by Nava Atlas

This is the last book that makes the trip with us pretty much wherever we are going to stay for a while.  After watching the documentary “Forks Over Knives” this year, one of my goals is to have at least one vegetarian family meal every day.  I have been vegetarian for 13 years now.  Sweet Pea Kids have been vegetarian until their first birthday, and then they eat meat as it appeals to them.  After seeing the devastating effects of meat and current practices around the meat industry, I am more mindful of teaching our children that meat is not necessarily a staple at every meal.  They are learning more about healthy protein options…here is my proud mama moment from last week:

Night Owl eating out - nothing on the menu appealed to him, so he ordered his own smorgasbord for lunch!

Night Owl eating out – nothing on the menu appealed to him, so he ordered his own smorgasbord for lunch!

Bon appetite!  I would love to hear your  tips and tricks for engaging your children in healthy eating – what does your family do?

Sweet Pea Kiddos eating a healthy, whole food snack. Sliced fresh fruit, vegetarian cheese, and raw cashews

Sweet Pea Kiddos eating a healthy, whole food snack. Sliced fresh fruit, vegetarian cheese, and raw cashews

Exploring Attachment Parenting

Great news!!  There is a new support group in the Phoenix, Arizona area for parents who want to learn more about and practice Attachment Parenting.

I had the pleasure of attending the first meeting yesterday.  It was so great to be in a room with 6 other families who are seeking to nurture their families the AP way.  Dr. Sears is credited for coining the term “Attachment Parenting” and with bringing awareness to it in his book, The Attachment Parenting Book.  Here is his explanation of what it is from his website, www.askdrsears.com:

Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.  Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby.

A close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, biological attachment-promoting behaviors of the infant and the intuitive, biological, caregiving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture. Bonding is a series of steps in your lifelong growing together with your child.
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting

Amanda Santana is the facilitator for the Phoenix group.  She is certified through Attachment Parenting International.  Her goal is to start a support group to educate and empower other parents, and to find people who are interested in becoming certified so that there can be co-leaders in place to start more groups throughout the Phoenix area.

The topic of yesterday’s meeting was, “What is Attachment Parenting?”  The next few meetings will be devoted to exploring each of the eight principles of AP in more depth.  The group will also talk about how to incorporate them into your family life if you think that the principle will work for you.

One of the takeaways from yesterday’s meeting:
4 P’s to help you identify child(ren)’s needs

  • Proximity – babywearing and co-sleeping for maximum comfort children 
  • Protection – practicing safe sleeping and babywearing
  • Predictability – responding to baby’s cues as they are demonstrating their needs
  • Play – provide a safe environment for discovery, and as the child grows, facilitating interactions that empower and teach children about peaceful social interaction

The other take-away from yesterday that I want to share with you:
The Eight Principles are guidelines.
Amanda emphasized that Attachment Parenting provides guidelines.  The Eight Principles are not Hard and Fast Rules.  They are ideas that have worked for other families to facilitate peaceful parenting.  Your attendance does not mean that you have to accept all eight principles.  A family does not have to practice or own any of the principles that do not “fit”, they just have to honor that other families may choose differently.

Amanda also stated that while the goal was to work through the eight principles in the next few meetings, she is open to being flexible.  The support group addresses topics as they arise as per the needs of the group.  If she is a cluster of getting emails along the same topics, she will bring them up to the group for discussion so that meetings are useful and relevant to those they are attending.

The group will be meeting on the third Thursday of every month at 10:00 am.  It is held at the Moxie Midwifery office, 5505 W Chandler Blvd Ste #5, Chandler, AZ 85226.  For any questions about Attachment Parenting or the Phoenix support group, you can reach Amanda via email at AZNB.Amanda@gmail.com

HERE are some questions to discuss with your partner whether you are expecting, living with a newborn, or rethinking your parenting style with older children.  We worked through these to help clarify what our goals were for our family.  As it turns out, a lot of what Attachment Parenting believes are choices that fit for our clan of six.  Even if these answers don’t lead you down the path to attachment parenting, having some clarity about your goals as a family may be helpful in guiding you to the choices that are right for your family.

What do you think – have you explored Attachment Parenting?  Has it worked for you? Please leave us a comment – it will be moderated and posted.

More about Attachment Parenting:
From Dr. Sears

From Attachment Parenting International:

Disclaimer:
The material included on this site is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation.  Krystyna and Bruss Bowman, Bowman House, LLC and Cassandra Okamoto accept no liability for the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided.

Learning and Growing Every Day

As a ballroom dance instructor, I invited my students to step out of their comfort zone every day.  As a parent, I watch our children learn and grow on a regular basis, and do my part to facilitate their growth as much as I can.  As a childbirth educator, we teach people who are interested in natural childbirth to become informed consumers and take responsibilty, among other things.  And yet, I forgot all about applying all these lessons to myself.

Backstory:  Being a homeschooling mom of four, three of who are involved in outside activities four days a week, plus our own classes on the fifth day of the week – we are always on the go, go, go!  Weekends are busy with social engagements and church.  As a partner, I seek to support my husband in his work and make sure I am telling him how much I love and appreciate him on a regular basis.  I try to remember to breathe and apply the relaxation practice we learned when we were students of The Bradley Method® when I am feeling frazzled (it happens!).  I try to read about birth and breastfeeding at every opportunity, and one of my guiding principles is to learn something new every day.

I am, for the most part, a believer.  I am a Believer and have faith in God.  I believe in the power of positive thinking tempered with a healthy pinch of realism.  I believe we are called to love, and I try to Live Love.  I want to inspire others, especially our children, to find their gifts and pursue them so they can live a life full of joy and with no regrets.

In all the busy-ness, I left out one piece.  What am I doing to grow as an individual?  What am I doing that makes me uncomfortable?  I have set some goals – what have I done to get them done instead of letting simply sit on the paper I wrote them on?

week39
As life would have it, I have been crossing paths with Blue Russ for over a year now.  We met on Facebook since we run in the concurrent circles of homebirth and green living.  We finally got to meet in person through an event hosted by Moxie Midwifery last fall.  Blue was kind enough to be our monthly family-friendly featured business in our June newsletter.  After getting to know her better (read her complete interview HERE), I decided to take the plunge and sign up for a complimentary personal health strategy session.

There were/are a lot of reasons not to do it.  I knew I was going to be uncomfortable.  To talk about my health means talking about all the things I am doing wrong in my life.  It means taking responsibility for the extra weight I am carrying around that is not healthy.  It means actually having to do something about it instead of just hating the person that I see in the mirror.  What really convinced me to talk with Blue is her statement that, “No counting calories or grams of nutrients. No judgment. No food is off limits. No deprivation.”  

DSC_7250©2012 BCFlix Photography:  I dislike the way I look so much, that I cropped myself out of this picture when I printed it for our family album.  What kind of message does that send our children?  Whether or not I lose the weight, I want to be “okay” with myself again.

The fact that she assured me that she was not going to make me feel guilty, and offer a safe space, convinced me to take the next step and get uncomfortable.  It’s time to have a positive self-image.  I owe it to our daughters to walk my talk – beauty *is* more than skin deep.  When they tell me I am pretty as all daughters do, I want to believe it, whether or not I get to my target weight.  I owe it to my sons, so that they can meet partners of substance.  I owe it to my husband – I want to feel and be attractive in all aspects of our relationship.  Most importantly, I owe it to myself.  I am tired of the self-loathing and the guilt of feeling like I am not good enough simply because I don’t like the shape I see in the mirror.

The  session with Blue was all that I thought it would be and more.  We started with a breathing exercise to clear my mind and dedicate the next hour to just being present.  I got to leave my list outside the door! (How did she know?)

Next, Blue guided me through some questions to help me find clarity about what my health goal really is, and to help me develop some strategies to reach that goal.  We did that by centering, identifying priorities, and then identifying possible obstacles to that goal.

Finally, we ended with an action plan.  She guided me through devising what the next steps are in reaching my health goal.  How am I going to get there?  How is Blue going to guide me to the next level?

To say today was transformational is an understatement.  In her gentle, wise way, Blue led me through a series of questions that finally uncovered some of my fears about losing weight.  It was such a gift to take some time to focus inward and to think.  I feel like for the first time in nine years, I can actually do something about losing the extra fluffiness that built up over nine years of being pregnant five times.  Now that I know what has been holding me back, I can work on letting go of my fears.  I can focus on getting to a weight that is safe for my heart, and that will allow me to meet at least two more generations of our growing family.

The great news about working with Blue is that you do not have to be in the Phoenix area for her to work with you as a health coach.  She makes great use of technology and you can connect with her via Skype, Facebook and Twitter.  Read more about her in our Inside Look: Blue Russ feature on Sweet Pea Births, and visit her website www.blueruss.com for more information about the services and classes that she offers in-person and online.

coaching session

I am scared and hopeful at the same time.  I feel like I can really do this, for the first time in long time.  I also have peace of mind that even if I don’t get to my target weight, working with Blue is going to yield a heart-healthier and image-healthier lifestyle.  It was great to stretch out of my comfort zone, and “sharpen the saw” as the old saying goes.  Whether you engage with a personal health coach, or some other kind of way to get uncomfortable and grow, go for it!  You can only get better and better.

Mother’s Day 2013

Happy Mother’s Day!!  This is a wonderful day for most mothers in the United States.  We are showered with love, congratulatory greetings, phone calls, texts, emails, gifts…all in honor of the fact that we are mothers.

I love being a mother, and I love that there is one day when our families take the time to recognize that ours is a 24/7 commitment.  On the other hand, the older I get, the more aware I am that this holiday can be the holiday from H.E.double-hockey-sticks for other people.

People who recently lost a loved mother, grandmother, or other female relative who was like a mother.  People who lost a kindred spirit who was like a mother to them.  Women who just lost their life partner, the ones with whom they shared the journey of parenthood.  Parents and children who are estranged from each other, no matter whose “fault” it is.  Women who tried desperately to conceive and whose time never came.  Women who recently suffered a miscarriage.  Women who have suffered the loss of a child, at whatever age in their lives.  How do they ever answer the question, “How many children do you have?”  Transgender people who are born with the desire to bear children and without the anatomical equipment to be gestational parents.  All of them are suffering in silence most days.  Today is especially difficult for all these people who are watching and expected to participate in the “greeting card” version of a holiday on steroids.

So in the midst of all the joy, congratulations and celebration of the work of our wombs, I also want to send special love to the people who fall outside of “the circle” today.  I wish I could give you a hug in person and support you the way you need to be supported.  I feel you and wish you love.

Our family suffered the loss of a beloved mother and grandmother figure this March.  The realization I came to after her passing has been incredibly freeing and empowering.  I am no longer trying to compete with past constructs of motherhood in my life.  I am simply looking forward and looking for my children to guide me.

These are the introspections I make that are guiding my mother-journey today:

    • What is my mothering philosophy?  
    • Am I following my philosophy and leading our children, or am I simply reacting?
    • Can I use humor to diffuse the situation?
    • How do I want our children to remember me?
    • As individuals, what kind of mother does that child need me to be?  (i.e., which Love Language do they speak?)
    • How can I best help them grow into their full potential?
    • How can I help them discover their gifts so that they can enjoy them for their lifetime?

Taking the pressure off of having to “be better than”, and looking at the future helps me to deal with the little daily frustrations.  On a daily basis we deal with bickering amongst the siblings, the endless duties around the home, the kitchen that always needs cleaning, the laundry that doesn’t quit, a schoolroom that needs to be straightened – again.  I look at my motherhood as a path, a journey I am on with our children.  I can take on today – it is only a day in what I wish and pray will be our long journey together.

At the end of the day, I want us all to be happy, whole, fulfilled individuals who love each other because we value one another for who we are.  I don’t ever want them to make a choice because they want to please me – I want them to make a choice because they know it is the right one for them.

We are still walking that path together.  I look forward to another 365 days of meandering along that path joyfully with our family.  Please take a minute today to celebrate the mothers in your life.  Take it a step further and hug someone who is suffering in silence today.  Let them know that while you can’t take away their pain, you care and you love them.

Hello, SPB families!!

A day in the life of a family of six…have you ever wondered how all the moving parts work?

Cassandra, our guest blogger, was so excited to hear that we were going to expand our platform because she is a new mama of just over a year.  She remembers being a first-time mama in the social media internet age, devouring all the information related to pregnancy and birth.  Everything else was just a distraction to her.  So here we are, with more information for you when you are ready to explore life beyond the Birth-Day.

We are two working-from-home parents with four children.  As of today, our children are 8, 5, 3 and 1 year(s) old.  I homeschool, teach Bradley Method® classes, blog and offer 24/7 support to our Bradley™ families.  Bruss works at his asset management company from a home office and co-teaches almost every Bradley Method® class with me.  We are definitely co-parents in our family’s journey.

For future reference…here are the names I use out on the internet for our children: Puma (8), Night Owl (5), Charger (3), and Otter (1).  In real life, their initials form the acronym BABY…a happy coincidence since babies and their births are turning out to be a passion of mine.

We credit a lot of the choices we have made as parents to our time as students of The Bradley Method®.  We took the classes with our first two children.  We learned about how to have a healthy, low-risk pregnancy.  We learned strategies to have an epidural-free natural labor.  We learned about breastfeeding and how it is an extension of seeking out the natural processes.  We also heard about co-sleeping, babywearing, and circumcision.  The information that was shared by our teachers opened our eyes to choices we hadn’t really considered yet – we were so focused on the birth of our baby.

After we had our first child, we wanted to keep following our instincts.  It didn’t make sense to put her in the bedroom down the hall when all we wanted to do was hold her and marvel at this miracle of life that we had worked so hard to bring into the world.  Although the thought of co-sleeping creeped us out when we first heard about it in class, once she was born, there was no other way.  Thus the start of our family bed.

I struggled to breastfeed Puma, so much so that I made Bruss take all the formula samples out of the house.  Now I have learned that “No pain, no gain” does not apply to breastfeeding.  I have also evolved from thinking I was only ever going to breastfeed a child until they were a year old.  Puma and I were not ready to stop nursing when she hit her first birthday.  That breastfeeding relationship continued until she self-weaned at 22 months.  I am currently nursing Charger and Otter.  There will definitely by some posts dedicated to extended breastfeeding as time allows.

I knew that I wanted Puma to be a whole, emotionally intact adult, so I chose to operate from a place of love, not domination.  I wanted to honor and respect her as a human being, even if she did not have words yet and she did not look like an adult.  Attachment parenting and babywearing have been our choices to reach that goal.  These days, I strive to remember her as a tiny infant who just wants to be loved: now she is a very independent 8-year old who gives me attitude and pushes my “crazy” button just because she thinks it’s funny.

We did not really address circumcision until our second pregnancy.  Since we had a girl first, we figured the odds were that we better do better homework this time.  Although it’s common in the US, we do not have any religious or cultural beliefs that teach circumcision as a precondition to belong to the community.  I was not crazy about cutting a child a few days after they were born, but i also figured since I was not the father who was going to be different, that choice should be up to Bruss.  We decided to have him watch a circumcision video on nocirc.org.  He didn’t even last 10 seconds.  So there we are – it was not a choice for our family.  The more I learn about it, the more grateful I am for our choice.  I won’t write any more about that because there are enough impassioned voices out there…and I have the belief that our boys private parts are just that – private.  If they want to blog about it when they are older, that is up to them.

As parents, we continue to use the communication skills we learned in class.  We make every effort to honor each other when we speak to each other and our children.  We have also used the informed consent questions when our children have had hospital stays.  If it fits as the site evolves, we may share those experiences with you, too.

Here are some of the things she and I will be writing about in future posts:

  • Breastfeeding toddlers
  • Potty training
  • Elimination communication
  • The family bed
  • Babywearing
  • Gentle parenting
  • Homeschooling
  • Home gardening
  • Organic living
  • Siblings
  • Family dynamics

We invite you to share other ideas with us.  What do you wonder about when you think about growing your family?