Author Archives: Cassandra Okamoto

Tuesday Tips: Bare Bones Newborn Essentials

Now that I am approaching past the halfway mark of my second pregnancy we I have started thinking about the “things” we will need.

hi baby!

hi baby!

I tried to keep the stuff to a minimum with our first, even with our attempt people still bring things, certain things seemed appealing to us when our son reached x,y,z milestones and eventually I ended up giving away a TON of “baby” things when we moved (my son was 10 months old). This time around the attempt to keep things to a minimum is even greater as we know what lasts and what doesn’t and considering that home birth costs roughly 3x more here in central California as ours in Arizona did, we are on a strict budget to save up for birth and newborn care. I also feel that money is better spent during pregnancy on prenatal herbs and supplements, chiropractic adjustments, massages, a birth tub, birth and postpartum supplies/luxuries and the like to give our babe the best start at life even if it means having to sacrifice a few conveniences for ourselves during the first year.

This is what I have narrowed my personal list down to, it isn’t as bare as diapers, wipes, clothes and boobs but it was as darn close as I could come while still considering my sanity of having to take care of two children on my own most days past two weeks postpartum.

collage

 Sling
I used a ring sling with my son and I loved the ease of use and versatility it provided. I especially loved the cradle carry position during infancy, the option to forward face once the baby gained head control and the ease of breastfeeding while in the sling. I will definitely be getting a Sakura Bloom Pure Linen Sling as everyone I know raves about them and they are made locally in the US in Massachusetts.  I do have an Ergo Organic that I used from about 10 days until now still with my son that I am sure I will use quite a bit too but having the sling for different situations and especially the younger months is a must in my book!

Clothes
Much more of a must this time around in our cooler weather and considering that baby should arrive sometime in January. I am going to keep it very simple and pick up a few organic pieces, onesies, tees, leggings and sweaters. I love American Apparel Baby and Kate Quinn Organics, both organic cotton and made in USA. We will be reusing all of our Aden + Anais organic swaddle blankets we still have from when my son was born.

Diapers
I cloth diapered with my son and absolutely loved it, until we moved to the central coast. We live less than a mile from the ocean in a town notorious for its fog and lack of sunny days. It is always damp here and line drying is completely out of the question. After a few months of drying the diapers in a dryer and coming up with no options for a diaper service I called it quits 🙁 We have been using Seventh Generation pull-ups which I love, but considering the transition from a one child to two child family as well as the trip that is required to frequently purchase these I am excited to try out The Honest Company for diapers + wipes with this little babe (knock on wood, all fingers crossed that in January our then 2 year 10 month old will be completely potty learned!!) The delivery aspect is something I am extremely excited about, I have heard nothing but good reviews regarding the quality of product and delivery service and think we will give it a go for a bit and see how we like it.

Double Jogging Stroller
A jogging stroller is a must for our family as I walk numerous places in a 2-3 mile vicinity of our home, which includes tons of uneven surfaces and hills. I don’t plan on using any type of infant seat attachment with a stroller as we are putting baby straight into a convertible car seat that we already own, so this won’t be entirely necessary until I am comfortable placing baby directly in the seat. I see me using my single stroller for my toddler and wearing the baby for the first couple/few months, which gives us plenty of time to save up for the stroller I want, the BOB Revolution SE Duallie. I use my stroller every single day without fail and have been making due with a decade old completely bare jogger we picked up on Craig’s List for ~$40 for the past 2.5 years. This is a splurge I have been looking forward to for some time! That being said, I will definitely not be buying this guy new and have already seen quite a few in great condition on Craig’s List in my area!

Portable Swing
We borrowed a full size swing from a friend with my son and he used it non stop for months. He liked the motion, had a hard time sleeping, had reflux and liked to be upright and it was a lifesaver. I know all babies are different, but I would like to be prepared. It is also nice to have a safe place to set baby down away from a crazy toddler or if I need to attend to the toddler for whatever reason. I am pretty set that the swing is going to be a must. I have my eye on a 4moms, their products are all breathtaking to me! I haven’t decided between a rockaRoo or mamaRoo yet but love the compact, portable nature of both – a definite necessity for our small living space.

Ergo Infant Insert
I mentioned we used the Ergo from about Day 10 with my son but we never actually had an infant insert. He was born in March in AZ and it just seemed to hot and sweaty and I had quite a few moms show me how they used swaddle blankets to secure baby instead. This time around because of the time of year and weather the snuggly coziness of the infant insert seems very appealing, especially because I am much more “on the go” chasing a toddler these days. I will probably try to borrow or buy one off of a friend!

I haven’t quite decided if I absolutely need a nursing pillow or baby lounger pillow or if they are something we can do without this round. I already have a breast pump and I am not really sure if we will even bother with bottles, so that is about it! Baby will sleep in bed with us or next to our bed on a crib mattress on the floor, I mentioned we already have a convertible car seat for him/her, we have tons of flat cloth diapers to use as burp rags, etc. and although I would love a new diaper bag, I am sure my old one will do just fine 🙂

Anything bare bones, absolutely necessary that I am missing? What newborn “essentials” did you have on your list??

National Breastfeeding Awareness Month 2014

On August 6th, 2011 the United States Breastfeeding Committee officially declared that August is National Breastfeeding Month.

national-breastfeeding-awareness-month-01

In honor of this month we have been featuring various images and posts across our Instagram & Facebook feeds with accompanying blog posts and today there are **two** new posts up on the Sweet Pea Births blog that are awesome for nursing mamas or mamas-to-be to check out!

Talisha from Modern Mommy Boutique was kind enough to participate in videos for us highlighting the top breastfeeding products as well as products for ultimate breastfeeding comfort. Check them out & let us know if there are any other *must haves* for you when nursing your sweet pea! <3

 

Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival: helping others reach their breastfeeding goals

breastfeedingcafecarnivalWelcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about how you have helped another mom reach her breastfeeding goals. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th-31st!

When you are submersed in the natural birth and natural/gentle parenting community it seems like breastfeeding is everywhere. Pictures, stories, advice and an abundant amount of information surrounding the benefits, etc. etc. etc. But outside of this small (or even large) part of your life there are still all of the other parts, your family, your high school friends and their families, your employees/employers/coworkers to which more times than not formula is the norm. Once you emerge from your baby moon and are back to more of your “normal” activities you may suddenly find yourself feeling super awkward when you have to feed the baby despite your rockstar breastfeeding-in-public confidence you gained in your other circle of natural mama friends during pregnancy and immediately post baby.

I was definitely surprised at how weird some people in my life acted about me nursing, how some  would go on and on about how weird or gross or whatever it was and how it would make others just clam up and not want to talk/look/or hang out with me and baby. I told myself that I would just act completely normal always, no matter what. I wouldn’t get weird, I wouldn’t change my behavior, I would go with what I was comfortable with and I would engage in all conversation positively, truthfully and most of all, sincerely.

I think this is one of the biggest keys in helping other moms. I would always bring my baby when meeting with my friends, mamas and non mamas alike and he would always need to nurse at some point. I would never comment on their choices to formula feed or ever bring up why I chose to breastfeed unless someone asked. If someone asked me about how everything was going with the babe obviously breastfeeding would come up and I would be honest about our struggles, successes and what parenting is like when you are the sole food source. I really feel that because of this laid back attitude and honesty I connected with other moms that were interested in breastfeeding but it had not worked for them for whatever reason or moms that maybe weren’t ever interested but now had a different take on it. I was always very open about what breastfeeding was like for us, how we did no solids until six months, that we were still nursing at one year, 18 months and 2 years and everything in between.

During this time I became the go-to breastfeeding person for two of my old work friends, one a first time mama and one who gave up very early with her first baby and was now nursing her second baby. Another pregnant friend who hadn’t considered nursing at all before but was interested and after baby latching in the hospital went with it and another high school acquaintance who was going to breastfeed but had never known anyone to nurse past one year. Once they all had decided (on their own) they *wanted* to breastfeed giving them advice and information was super fun and extremely helpful! From supplements to pumping advice to ditching the feeding schedules, I had a great time sharing my experience and research. Breastfeeding comes with a HUGE amount of uncertainty, something you can’t really understand ahead of time so I think sometimes it is nice just to know you are not alone in your thoughts or worries and to know there are always an abundance of options.

I am a huge proponent and supporter of breastfeeding and although not a hugely outspoken advocate unless approached or engaged (and there are obviously many varying positions on the matter). I really feel that because of the stigma of breastfeeding in our culture and the attitude so many people (and women!) have towards it, that a natural, sincere approach is best. By being open and honest and not having an opinion on whether or not people in my life supported, cared about, or wanted to breastfeed their own children I was able to help a few mamas and babies I may not have been able to otherwise!

How do you feel about advocacy? Are there any friends, family members, etc. that you have helped during their breastfeeding journey?

Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Tuesday Tips: A Weaning Story // 26 months

Mine & T’s breastfeeding journey has been very rocky from the start with low lows, some highs, a lot of tears but a ton of joy and gratefulness too. I have wrote about breastfeeding before here and here and over the past 14 months (since my son’s first birthday) my thoughts about nursing, nursing at night, and weaning have been all over the map.

he has been nursing to sleep and cuddling his boobs for literally years now!

he has been nursing to sleep and cuddling his boobs for literally years now!

My son turned two in March, as of January he was nursing all day AND all night, today as I write this (May 15th) he is nursing at nap time only, once to fall asleep and sometimes once more if he wakes prematurely. These past couple months have been *nothing* like I could have ever imagined so I thought I would share our weaning story, for anyone who feels like their toddler will never “self wean”, anyone frustrated with the amount and/or duration of their toddler nursing, anyone who feels like the end will never come, or even those just curious as to what could lie ahead!

In January we tackled night weaning.
We were following T’s cues, many times when he would wake I would go in and cuddle him and he would fall back asleep. I knew he was capable and it would yield much better sleep for both of us. It was rough though. He would usually settle for cuddles until about 1-3AM and then he was INSISTENT on getting milk. I explained over and over not until the sun, but days and weeks, a month passed and he was still asking. We would get out of bed, get water, get snacks, there were some veerrryyyyy long nights in there but we stuck to it, we had taken this step because we were all ready and we were not going back. He still sleeps in our bed, so we were always there with him, cuddling, singing, patting his back, he would often ask me to bounce him on the ball but I wanted to help him sleep on his own, not substitute nursing for bouncing. Often in order to calm down a walk around the house was necessary and then we would climb back in bed for cuddling and maybe a song.

In April T contracted a mild case of Hand, Foot, Mouth Syndrome. He had a fever one afternoon and through the night so he was nursing TONS. We watched movies, slept, and nursed.

the 2,739th viewing of Frozen (;

the 2,739th viewing of Frozen (;

I made an exception and nursed him through the night during his fever and the next night to help him sleep as he was obviously very uncomfortable. I knew it would be hard going back, T is a very all or nothing kind of guy, and although the next couple of nights were difficult, the nights after that were much improved!

Our last nursing session for the night was usually lying down next to each other where T would drift off to sleep while still on the breast, but a few nights in a row he started growing restless, popping on and off, and eventually I would just say no more milk and he would roll over, cuddle into me and fall asleep. I took this as a sign that he was ready to give up nursing to sleep. Not only could he fall asleep without it, but it seemed the limit would actually really help him. From there we started doing bath time, diaper, pajamas, nurse in bed sitting up with the lights on, then read lots of books, have some water and/or snack and then turn white noise on and lights off to cuddle and go to sleep. T picks up on routines a lot more now and his memory never ceases to amaze me. Because we were doing something new I knew it was important to really start being more “routine” and sticking to the same thing night after night in the same order. We have always been kind of all over the place during the evening but it was a very natural shift for all of us to be more disciplined as it seemed beneficial for T and helpful for all of us to avoid melt downs, super extended bed times, frustrations, etc. We are by no means strict or anything, just follow the same flow each night around the same time. This was surprisingly easy, as I said, he was definitely ready. There was hardly any protest and he would normally make it until around 5AM until asking for milk, which is when we would nurse for the first time that new day.

On May 1st T had his 5AM nursing and was incredibly restless afterwards, nursing was not putting him back to sleep and was up, out of bed and ready for the day before 6AM. This was very UN-typical for him as he would usually like to lay around in bed nursing and sleeping on and off until 8:30, sometimes even 9AM! I took it as a great opportunity, I had been wanting to cut down nursing to 5AM, nap time, and before bed for awhile but he was just nursing SO often during the day it seemed like an impossible feat. Something clicked that morning and I just knew I had to try. I wish I had more to add, but really, it just came out of no where that today, was the day.

We don’t do the “big boy” thing in our house and it’s not something I will continue with but for this instance I talked up “big boy milk” in the morning and told him that we were going to go to the coffee shop where he could get some in a cup that was just for big kids. I knew we had to get out of the house, and fast, before he got bored or wanted my attention and asked and then had a tantrum to nurse. This day and the next day were not easy. He would still ask for milk at home (we had stopped nursing in public a long time ago) but I stuck to the 5AM, nap time and bed time only. I would offer almond milk, cow’s milk, to make chocolate/strawberry/banana milk in the blender or make a smoothie. There were tantrums and meltdowns but I tried to stay as busy as possible and keep us out of the house from the morning until nap time and then leave the house after nap for an activity before coming home for dinner. My husband came home at 4PM the first day and took T (as he usually does on Tuesdays & Thursdays) for an activity outside of the house just them two. This was extremely helpful! The next evening we headed out of the house and then played outside for a long while. I had to give T all of my attention, if I became the least bit distracted (by my phone or a conversation) or was trying to do something that didn’t involve him (makeup, laundry, etc) he would ask for milk and it would be a lot harder on both of us.

After two days he was totally fine! He would still ask for milk but I would just say “you have your water over here”, or “want some almond milk?” or just laugh and say “noooo noo milk!” and he would just smile and run off. I honestly was surprised at how easy it was. We have tried to decrease frequency and duration in the past and it was always met with unparalleled perseverance, uncontrollable crying/tantrums and a huge disconnect between us. This time he was obviously ready and it showed, it seemed he just needed the nudge. He would fall or get hurt and cry in my arms and I would offer him water in his straw cup and he would accept, a few days in he had a fall, came to me in tears for a big hug then got down and went and got his water cup himself! Tears gone and he was ready to play more! This was extreme initiation to me, he was so old and independent and practicing amazing self regulation right before my eyes!

The Night Time Nursing

After a few days his night time nursing session was literally 30 seconds long on each side, and seemed like the perfect feeding to cut out next. I tried saying no milk one night and he was pretty upset so I was happy to continue. Two nights later though he wasn’t even asking and late into the routine he asked once and I just said “you already had your milk!” and he didn’t even protest and just like that the nighttime feeding was gone.

The Early Morning Nursing

He seemed to be waking earlier and earlier in the AM wanting milk, 5AM, then 4:45AM, then 4:40AM so although I knew it was going to be rough on us I decided to nix this one ASAP. We went to bed each night armed with almond milk + a little maple syrup in a straw cup, water, a banana and a cheese stick next to the bed. Whenever he would wake, middle of the night, early morning, I would first rub his back and cuddle, if that didn’t console him then I would offer water or almond milk then offer snacks.

The mornings are still rough and he is upset because he doesn’t actually want to be awake that early but can’t put himself back to sleep, but he doesn’t insist on milk and totally “gets” that it is not an option and the choices that he does have. We have naturally transitioned into continuing to lay in bed that early but reading his favorite stories. After a couple of weeks he has even fallen back asleep after the dreaded 5:30/6AM waking until 7AM a few times!

Nap time Nursing 

So that just leaves us with the last nursing time of the day, nap time. I am not ready to give up his naps. Although he *could* go a day without napping, he can’t go several days in a row without a nap considering his early rising times now. He also has never fallen asleep in bed for nap without nursing. I use naps to work, nap myself, or just take some time in the middle of the day to recharge, as I often feel like I am running on crazy. Some friends that have weaned rely on a car ride around 1 or 2PM to put their little one to sleep but since we car share with my husband this isn’t an option for us. He has fallen asleep in the stroller before but usually not until 3PM when he is just wiped out, which is really late for a nap and doesn’t really help me if I am out and about pushing the stroller. I am not really sure what we are going to do about this last feeding…. I am not in a complete hurry to end it but also don’t want us to get to a point where he is absolutely unable to nap without nursing and naps go out the window entirely when nursing does. I feel like we may have a small window of time where it could still be possible?

I know this has been all over the place but I just wanted to get our entire story and process out in one place! This transition really has been everything I could have hoped for, easy, pleasant, and seriously feels liberating for everyone! T has such an easier time sleeping now, if he falls asleep in the car he can be transferred to bed (that has never! happened without nursing before), he has a more reasonable bed time and naturally evolved schedule that works well for us and he doesn’t have the super cranky episodes for times in which I am unable to provide nursing. We read more books and cuddle more and I don’t feel a bit of sadness or regret or any negative emotions at all for that matter, only positive! I am so very grateful and thankful to have nursed him this long, through fevers and diarrhea, through bumps and bruises and countless bedtimes and nap times and uncomfortable situations and so glad that our weaning has been so smooth. It hasn’t been without effort, all of the above was definitely a lot of work. Early wakings, more attention required then just laying down with a boob out, gentle reminders, boundaries, more time out of the house, but it has yielded nothing but great results for both of us. I think when it works, it works, it really is akin to the stars aligning.

what may have been one of the last chest naps! These were always preceded by nursing to sleep!

what may have been one of the last chest naps! These were always preceded by nursing to sleep!

What is your experience with weaning/wanting to wean/child led weaning? Does anyone have a similar situation to the nap time nursing? I would love to hear anything and everything!

 

 

 

Thursday Tips: Summer Bucket List

I was inspired by Jessica at Little Baby Garvin to do a Summer Bucket List a little while back and I thought I would share here!

nothing says sweet summer like ice cream on the beach!

nothing says sweet summer like ice cream on the beach!

Now that my T baby is over 2 he is much more aware of what we are doing each day, has his friends (seriously SO cute), loves certain activities, doesn’t love others, tells me what he wants, doesn’t want, etc. and is making me very excited to share some summer fun with him! We live on the central/northern California coast so the temperatures don’t really warm up here as they do in other places where there is no escaping that it is sweet, sweet summertime so I figured planning some out of the ordinary activities would help us get into the summer groove and really live it up these next few months before the crazy-ness of the fall & winter holidays hit!

Go to a Giant’s Game: T loves watching the big kids play baseball at the local baseball field and often hits baseballs with myself or his dad, I am not sure about sitting through a whole game but I think he would love it nonetheless!

Make Homemade Ice Cream: I have had my eye on this machine for awhile now, I think I should just pull the plug and we can get to creating our own healthy and delicious versions.

Swimming Lessons: check! We signed up for lessons that start July 2nd, a local outdoor pool that is heated is having them twice a week for four weeks, bonus – it is at the beach!

Take a Vacation: Our good friends recently moved to Seattle, a city I have been dying to visit for some time now. Summer would be the perfect timing weather wise, even though we live in an idealistic vacation destination it is always nice to try and escape the hustle and bustle or routine of daily life sometimes.

Celebrate the 4th of July: Last year we were moving on the 4th of July so no celebrations ensued, this year it is the one year anniversary of us living in this amazing place and I really want to celebrate! We don’t have fireworks near us either so going all out on a party, BBQ or something sounds exactly like what we need. T also has this adorable shirt a friend got him for his birthday that we have been saving for the 4th, so he definitely needs some fun activities to match his festive outfit.

in all his America glory :)

in all his America glory 🙂

We had a fun time! Nothing epic – but we wore cute outfits, visited a park with live music and had lots of fun and celebrated with great food, friends and family.

Go Kayaking: Kayak rentals here require that any children on board are at least 5 years of age, so we need to scope out a cheap kayak to buy or borrow. We have been wanting to do this forever and this summer seems like the perfect time to get in gear and make it happen.

Grow some more things: We currently have one planter box growing cilantro, tomatoes, strawberries and sugar snap peas. We planted them on Mother’s Day and they have yet to really take off. I would like to dedicate some time to mixing up the soil, adding some compost and really get some more things growing in the next month or so. T baby loves watering the plants and is even more obsessed with picking the fruits, we need some more for him to harvest!

Visit Friends: It has been a year since we moved from our brief stay in Sacramento, we have many friends and family there though and it would be nice to make a visit before everyone is busy with holiday plans.

Go Camping: My husband has been wanting to go camping forever, and we have yet to take our little T! He loves being outside and his current obsessions include rocks, sticks and things to do with dirt. He would be right at home. We really need to make a trip happen soon!

sticks & stones, the way to this kid's heart!

sticks & stones, the way to this kid’s heart!

And of course, last but certainly not least, go to the beach as much as possible! It was 70 degrees and sunny today so that is where you could find us. I plan on us trying to soak up as much sun as possible and the days the fogs burns off the beach compares to no other.

What are you plans with your Sweet Peas for summer? Does summer seem busier than normal or is it a time you try to relax? I would love to hear what everyone else is up to and even get some more ideas!

Baby Turns One: You Are Now Breastfeeding a Toddler

IMG_5949 By Cassandra Okamoto, Blog Contributor

It does not feel like I have a toddler. While my son is not actually toddling around quite yet, his first birthday has come & gone and left us staring the unchartered waters of toddlerhood in the face. We both don’t quite know what to expect.

We did pass that first birthday mark without a consideration of weaning from the breast though, which I almost always forget is “unconventional”. Like I said, he still very much seems like a baby in many senses and babies want mama’s milk, same as toddlers do to it seems 🙂

Our choice to continue nursing past the one-year mark involves many factors, below are three of the bigger ones:

1) We have not received any vaccines *yet* and I am most comfortable with this path as long as we are still nursing and do so until at least 2 years of age. This is also the recommendation from Dr. Sears if you are choosing not to vaccinate. Source: The Vaccine Book: Making the Right Decision for Your Child, By Dr. Sears

2) Nutritionally there is still a requirement for “milk” until age 2. The majority of children start receiving cow’s milk at one year, the AAP recommends 16 oz of whole milk until the age of 2. Source Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Copyright © 2009 American Academy of Pediatrics) Logically, if my child still requires milk why would I take him off of my milk and switch him to milk from a cow?

And…

3) It isn’t time. Motherhood has taught me WAY too many things to be honest, but the biggest ones are to trust myself, and go with the flow (no pun intended!). I will know when it is time for both of us. It might not happen at the same time, maybe it will, but right now neither of us are there. We both are in fact ready to night wean though, more on this in a little bit.

So we have decided to continue on in our breastfeeding journey, but feeding a little baby at the breast is NOT the same as feeding a toddler at the breast. Personally, it has been a very hard transition for me. Breastfeeding actually did NOT come easy to us after birth, once my son was finally feeding at the breast we dealt with horrific reactions to proteins from many different foods in my milk and crazy elimination diets for me that lasted until he was 4 ½ months old.

Then it was the snacking. My son has always been a “snacker” at the breast and I was filled with constant worry and anxiety that he was not getting enough because he never fed longer than a couple of minutes, if that. Then it was distracted nursing, then it was only nursing at night, then it was the other nipple twiddling that would NOT STOP, and then we went through this period where he would lay calmly and take his time and nursing was oh my gosh BLISSFUL!

It was what everyone had been talking about this whole time and I felt relaxed and full of love, and then, it ended. And we entered into toddler breastfeeding, which although may not be the hardest of them all is definitely very difficult, especially when it seems more of a longer-term reality as opposed to “just a phase” like the other frustrations I mentioned. After a little bit of research, some trial and error, talking with other mamas, and attending a La Leche League meeting I put together some things that I think will make breastfeeding a toddler a little easier.

Boundaries: Discipline has such a negative connotation, especially when gentle parenting is involved. But I have learned that productive, respectful boundaries and discipline are really going to be essential for us. My doula says that “nursing a tiny baby on demand is entirely different than nursing a demanding toddler” and it is something I find myself repeating daily!

My son pulls down my shirt whenever/wherever, throws himself backwards or kicks when he wants milk NOW, will point and cry whenever I am changing clothes, throws huge fits because he wants to go back and forth nursing off of each breast (I still don’t know why this is?) and all of these things have put a huge strain on our nursing relationship. It makes me resentful, frustrated, consider weaning completely, and overall just feel very out of control. After I recognized it was time for us to set boundaries I turned again to Dr. Sears and ordered The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten. I have not started reading it yet and am not sure exactly how I am going to go about setting boundaries as it relates to nursing but I know for us there will be no more “self serving”, or hitting and kicking mama for milk, nursing during meal times while simultaneously wanting to eat solid food, and no more pacifying at the breast throughout the entire night. I mentioned it earlier, and it is my next main point…

Night Weaning: I am not suggesting that as soon as your baby turns one he/she needs to be night weaned, not at all. Here are some other reasons why a mom might wean: mom is pregnant, Mom wants to increase fertility & become pregnant, Mom goes back to work outside the home and needs more sleep, etc.

In addition to the strains on our nursing relationship I mentioned above, my son wakes every 45 to 60 minutes throughout the entire night to nurse. He spends a lot of his time “sleeping” while still sucking at the breast and no matter how deep of a sleep I think he may be in, protests whenever I try to unlatch him. Teething has made this even worse and because he is half (or more) asleep while using his breast pacifier his latch becomes shallow and he bites with his top teeth so the nipple won’t sneak out, I am often half sleeping too and it will often go on for hours. This has caused a huge injury to my left nipple that is taking weeks to heal and is making all feedings very painful! Recently I have gone through long periods where I “hate” nursing and when I stop to really think about it and consider what not nursing my son at all anymore looks like I realize it isn’t nursing that I dislike, it is nursing all throughout the night.

I have considered night weaning in the past because of just plain sleep deprivation but it never felt right, after a year I had a complete shift in my heart. I just felt it was time. My son needs his own space, he has made that very clear to me and he also needs more sleep. Nursing throughout the night is just as distracting to him as it is comforting.  More and more, he is waking up cranky in the mornings. It took me awhile to come to peace with this transition, but a nursing relationship is just that – a relationship involving two parties, both of which need to be happy in order for the relationship to continue harmoniously. Not only will night weaning hopefully afford me more sleep and subsequently more energy and patience but it will bring more peace into our nursing relationship that will allow it to continue much longer.

Nursing Space: Having a single dedicated place to nurse is not that practical with an active toddler that is probably breastfeeding at home, in the car, in public, in bed, etc. but I have found for us that going into a more quiet, dimly lit room with less distractions does help. I plan on creating a little “nursing corner” in my son’s room, where we sit down, get comfortable, relax and always nurse in while at home.  When we are out and about if it is possible I will go into another less crowded or empty room, if that isn’t an option I like snuggling into the back seat of the car before we arrive or before we leave. My hope is that having to stop whatever activity my son is currently engaged with and leave it behind to go nurse will possibly change to having more nursing “sessions” than drive-by-just-a-couple-sips between ball throwing and block building.

 Babywear: My Ergobaby has been my single most used piece of “baby” equipment and I still use it at least once every day. I can unbuckle the back, loosen one shoulder strap and nurse my son comfortably, discreetly, hands free and ultra conveniently.  He nurses his longest stretches while being worn, and being outside and often walking allows for enough simulation that he relaxes in his pack and takes his time feeding. I see our baby wearing/breastfeeding time continuing well into the second year.

I will continue to share about our breastfeeding journey through year two as I put more of these into practice in our daily lives and look forward to hearing about how your breastfeeding relationships change and evolve over time too.

What all have you experienced with an older nursling? Do you have any other tips to continue the breastfeeding relationship successfully into the second year and beyond?

 

Essential Oil Basics for the Home & Family

Essential Oils are a huge part of how we keep ourselves and our home happy, healthy and clean. I have dreams of one day having an entire medicine cabinet completely stocked and organized with tons of essential oils and oil blends for every specific complaint and ailment but the reality is that quality oils are pricey and only a handful really will cover almost all of the bases.

essential oil photo

Now that my family has been routinely been using essential oils for over two years and has gotten into a groove of using a specific number of oils for almost all of our needs I thought I would share what that looks like.

There are numerous producers of essential oils on the market, and many high quality companies. I personally use and love doTERRA, although I have heard good things about Mountain Rose Herb’s oils & Young Living Essential Oils.

We currently purchase: Tea Tree, Lavender, Peppermint, Lemon, Clove, On Guard Blend, Citrus Bliss Blend, and occasionally Eucalyptus. Below are all of the ways I use these 8 essential oils in our daily life for health and wellness.

Hand Sanitizer: 2 oz amber glass bottle with spray top filled 3/4 way with witchhazel, squirt of aloe vera gel, 5-10 drops tea tree oil, 5 drops On Guard oil

All Purpose Cleaning Solution: 1 large glass spray bottle filled 3/4 with warm water, 1/4 vinegar, 20 drops Citrus Bliss Blend & 10 drops Tea Tree Oil (optional, sometimes we add sometimes not). We use this to clean counters, clean carpet, clean floors, spills on the mattress, just about any/all surfaces. I have used many different applicable essential oils for our cleaner (tea tree + lavender, on guard, on guard + tea tree) and we enjoy the way Citrus Bliss smells the most. I do not mind the vinegar smell but some of the essential oils mixed with vinegar can smell like ketchup or just funky,, especially when used on the carpet, fabrics, etc.

Home Diffusing: We have an Aroma Ace Diffuser and for overall immune boosting I like to diffuse On Guard Blend in various rooms of our house or Lemon during the spring/summer so the whole house smells fresh & clean! Citrus Bliss is also yummy smelling to diffuse, especially when having guests over, etc.

Drinking Water: I add 2-3 drops of Lemon Oil to my water in my glass Life Factory water bottle to drink throughout the day, yum.

Stainless Steel Cleaner: When we used to have stainless steel appliances I would clean them with water & lemon oil – worked like a charm! You can also use a cotton ball with a little water and 1 drop of lemon oil to clean an IPhone or computer screen.

Facial Toner/Pimples: We use Tea Tree Oil as a facial toner after washing sometimes and to spot treat pimples anywhere on the body

Eczema: My son had a really bad patch of eczema on the crease and beyond of his hand, I mixed some organic, unrefined olive oil with 3 drops of tea tree oil and applied with a Q-tip 2x a day, it completely cleared up over the course of a couple weeks, you could never even tell where it was now.

Teething Oil: In another 2 oz glass bottle I combined 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil, 2 drops peppermint oil, 2 drops clove oil, and 10 drops grapefruit seed extract (optional).

Headaches: Rub peppermint oil and lavender oil on temples & back of neck

Fever: Mix a little coconut oil with a couple drops of peppermint oil and lavender oil and apply to bottom of feet and back of neck.

Baths: Add lavender oil to baths to relax, for mama and baby!

Sunburn (or any burn): Mix 1/2 vinegar & 1/2 water in 2 oz spray bottle with 5 drops lavender oil and 5 drops tea tree oil and spray all over burned area.

Toothache: Add 2-3 drops clove oil to melted coconut oil and swish/spit. Apply a small amount directly to tooth afterwards, reapply throughout the day.

Toothpaste: We make our own toothpaste using melted coconut oil, baking soda, and 3 drops of peppermint oil

Stuffy Nose: Boil a pot of water on the stove with 5-10 drops tea tree oil, stand over pot breathing in the steam. We usually do not have Eucalyptus oil on hand but during some recurring colds I had while pregnant I purchased some and did this with a blend of tea tree & eucalyptus oils.

Chest Rub during cold/flu: Coconut oil with Tea Tree and/or Eucalyptus oils. We use on the bottom of our feet as well.

Laundry: I like to add 2 drops of peppermint oil or 2 drops of lemon oil to our wash load. My husband will also spray shirts or pants that need “fluffing” with a combo of water & peppermint or water & lavender and then throw into the dryer.

Immunity Boost: Whenever we need an overall immunity boost (upcoming travel, one of us or people around us are sick, etc.) I spray door handles, countertops, tables, the car with On Guard as well as apply to our feet and backs of our necks.

Colds/Sore Throat: Hot water, Apple Cider Vinegar, Lemon oil & honey

There are so many different oils and so many ways to use them but the above is what I find us doing on a regular and often daily basis. When we first became interested in using them we purchased this book to have on hand as a fast reference, it has been very helpful in many different situations! I am also thinking of purchasing this one next to have for my little one as he grows.

We purchase all of our doTerra oils through our lovely friend, Kelly, at Haute Boheme Essential Oils . She is very active online and via their Facebook Page for questions, concerns, just to chat, anything 🙂

There is nothing like the relaxed feeling I have knowing there are no chemicals in our house for cleaning, fragrance, laundry, body care, especially now that there is a very curious, active toddler among us. We are very grateful to have discovered essential oils and their endless uses that have seriously enriched our lives!

Do you mamas use essential oils for your little ones? What about for your family or home?

 

Carnival of Natural Mothering: What I Wish I Knew

We are excited to participate in this month’s Carnival of Natural Mothering from Growing Slower!

What You Wish You Knew

Remember when you got your first positive pregnancy test? What do you wish that woman knew? Write a letter of love and encouragement to that awesome mama just starting her journey.

Read more at http://www.growingslower.com/p/carnival-of-natural-mothering.html#BLyjPcmFfALHIW9e.99

Carnival-Button-1

I found out I was pregnant one Friday after a long week of work and travel, I was so tired at my desk late that afternoon that I called my husband to come drive me home – I honestly thought I might fall asleep at the wheel because my eyelids were so heavy. I was wearing a long, loose, beach-y tunic with tights that day because I felt so bloated… I did not have even the slightest idea that I may be with child.

It was June 17th, 2011 and one trip to the bathroom, pee stick in hand, dramatically changed the course of that evening and every single day since. I was going to write a generic letter to any/all mamas that had just received that positive test but the real love and encouragement comes from addressing the very specific things I have experienced and/or struggled with throughout my journey, maybe some of you have or will encounter similar and can find a little solidarity that I was once there too, and came out the other side better than I could have imagined.

what I wish I knew

Dear Cassandra,

You will wake up tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day for many, many weeks and not believe or feel you are pregnant, don’t worry, really don’t, you are. You are and you will stay that way, pregnant, and then really pregnant until the very end. You do not have to worry about what is beyond your control, you are doing everything you can to stay healthy and happy and that is all that really matters. You will take great care of yourself and subsequently the baby growing inside of you during this journey that is pregnancy, no matter how other people make you feel: other women that have come before you, people at work, anyone, it is so very important. You will be extrememly grateful for every moment you spent stretching, every chiropractic appointment, every massage, every walk, every herbal tea, every green drink concoction, every yoga class, heck even every pedicure, when you naturally deliver a healthy baby that continues to grow into a very healthy child, while simultaneously taking up all of your time and energy leaving self care a distant, but fond memory 🙂

You will be in amazement the entire process, just because millions(?) of women have grown and birthed babies before you do not let it take away from how utterly miraculous the entire process is. You will think about pregnancy and birth 100% of the time, it is a lot, but do not fret. You will be prepared, prepared for birth yes, prepared for motherhood, no. There is nothing you could have done differently though, it truly is something that you can never be prepared for. It is instant and it is permanent, you will often feel like you are barely hanging on, but it will pass, and then return – it is one heck of a roller coaster that is for sure.

Adding a human being to your family who is entirely dependent on you every second he is not asleep (which in his case will not be often) is not like you imagine. It will be more exhausting, more demanding, more physically and emotionally draining, more trying, and more compromising then you can even wrap your brain around at this point. You will hate everyone who says that being a parent is hard, but SO WONDERFUL, you will feel lied to and you will feel frustrated with yourself for rushing into something you could not have second thoughts about. You will be mad that all you want is time alone but then do not enjoy it because being away from your baby makes you uneasy, you will be more tired than you could ever imagine yet unable to fall asleep because there is a small but heavy head cutting off the circulation to your arm that you would rather let lose blood flow permanently than move it and risk waking up the baby. You will wait for things; your body, your life, to feel “normal” again and constantly wonder how you missed the memo that once a baby comes out of your lady parts they are forever changed.  You will become a night owl, your body and brain will literally adapt to the fact that if you want to get anything done it will have to take place between the hours of 10PM-1AM. You will cry, a lot. And then cry some more and some days you will wake up and cry because all you want to do is go to the bathroom and brush your teeth by yourself. And then you will spend the first night away from your child, and you will wake up in the morning and cry because you miss him, and then cry harder because you don’t want to cry, you want to enjoy yourself gosh darn it and now you’re crying!

You will know that becoming a mother made you 6,567,943 times better as a person, you will know you would not be where you are today without embarking on this journey, you will know that every thing happens exactly as it should – but it will still be hard, too hard, and some days you will wonder how you can possibly live another day with no sleep, no alone time with your husband, carrying 25 pounds on a hip that definitely notices it, cleaning someone’s else’s extremely smelly poop, pushing a Cozy Coupe around the block 13 times and literally not having 10 seconds to drink water before it was seized by miniature hands and dumped on the floor.

You will wait to forget what it was like to stay out all night with your husband and how amazing all day Netflix marathons on the couch are, you will hope that the sadness you feel when you see a person reading in a coffee shop or while admiring someone’s nice, unwrinkled, unsoiled, new clothes won’t always be there. You will wonder why it is taking you longer than everyone else to use words like awesome, amazing, wonderful, joyful, and rewarding in relation to parenting.

You will know deep down that having a young child IS difficult no matter what, but that it is also temporary, a fleeting memory in the entire journey of parenthood and you will remind yourself of this, but it will not always help.

There will be times when you feel like you are losing, losing your mind, losing at marriage, losing at life.

You will wonder when you will ever be able to “do” anything ever again, and if there is re-emergence from the crazy, dirty, messy, chaos of your current daily survival called motherhood. And then one day, one day far away yet so close, you will realize you have in fact, surfaced.

You will make dinner multiple nights in a row, your son will be happy to spend hours with babysitters, you will be working again and able to feel good about getting yourself a few things just for you that you need/want, someone will say to you & Eric that you look young and in love, and when you tell your son that you’re going to put on makeup and do your hair in the bathroom and he can play with his kitchen/tools/legos in the playroom until you are done he will nod and *gasp* do it.

And the moment will come, the moment you are at the ocean’s edge on a beautiful day standing with your husband seeing your now toddler intently watching and listening to the waves crash, smiling and laughing profusely when some ocean spray gets his leg, running wildly, entirely carefree and lavishly happy that you will know that this moment would be nothing without him. Your capacity to feel the love, gratitude, overwhelming joy, happiness, reward and peace right then would not exist if he did not. His hugs, his kisses, his laughter, his stories, witnessing his connections with others,  they make life something it would not be otherwise.

Everyone’s children are different and therefore everyone’s experience of parenthood is vastly different. You may never not miss how much time you used to spend on yourself or with your husband, it may take you longer than the “norm” to describe parenthood as joyful and awesome, but you will arrive. You will take your son somewhere just for him, class, the park, the aquarium, a play date at least once everyday during the week, you will squeeze in emails during walks and work into the night, you will shop for healthy food and even if you don’t make dinner every night health will always be a priority for your family. You will share information, clothes, and baby gear with other mamas, make dishes for new families, get dressed up for work dinners despite a small person hanging on your leg, your hair will almost always be messy and your house even messier but you will be so happy. There will be shiny days, and hard days, days that fly by and days that drag on and you won’t be happy all day every day, but you will be happy every day. And most of all you will be grateful, grateful for the profound experience that is parenthood, grateful for the opportunity to grow and change into a mother and person that you are very proud of. Be easy on yourself, each day is a new opportunity to do better and be happier than the day before <3

Love & Mothering,

Cassandra, March 2014 

Aha! Parenting & Seeing Dr. Laura Markham

A couple of weeks ago I heard that Dr. Laura Markham was coming to the town I live in, Pacific Grove, and would be speaking at the charter school just down the street from my house.

dr laura markham

I knew I had to go because 1) seriously this is such a small town and being so close (but-not-so-close-when-you-have-a-toddler-and-one-car-and-a-million-logistics-to-consider) to Santa Cruz and the Bay Area I was actually kind of shocked at how convenient this venue was for me and 2) Dr. Markham’s blog & then book have been a sound resource for us for quite some time. We have talked about her website on SPF before and I also read her book as part of a mama book club back in May.

dr laura book club

follow us on Instagram @sweetpeabirths!

I bought my ticket & headed out alone Tuesday night, Moleskine and pen in hand. It was a great talk + Q&A and even though I already really liked the Aha! Parenting site and the book I enjoyed Dr. Markham much more in person and was so glad that I went. I will try to recap most of what was discussed as best I can below!

There were three key takeaway’s Dr. Markham wished for everyone to remember:

“You always have the power (as the parent) to calm the store or blow it up into a tornado”

“Parenting is only 10-20% guidance and 80-90% connection.”

And the parenting “sweet spot”, empathetic limits.

parenting graphic

              

“You always have the power (as the parent) to calm the store or blow it up into a tornado”

In order to be able to help or calm a difficult situation with your child Dr. Markham recommends that you first need to regulate your own emotions.

>> Don’t take it (whatever your child is doing/saying/etc) personally.

>> Remember you are the role model.

>> It is not an emergency.

>> Stop. Drop. Breathe

>> Don’t act while angry.

When a huge tantrum is taking place, a road map for how to react would look like this:

Calm yourself (Stop. Drop. Breathe.)

Admit your contribution to the incident (were you distracted & not listening to your child? talking back aggressively or rudely to them? being dismissive?)

Connect with your child (stop what you are doing, look him/her in the eye, hold him/her, etc.)

Empathize (understand his/her perspective). You have to actually care about your child’s point of view and needs in that moment.

Set a Limit (we don’t yell/kick/talk to each other like that no matter how upset we are).

Help him/her work through their upset.

“Parenting is only 10-20% guidance and 80-90% connection.”

Because children will not accept guidance without connection. Even if you respond to your child with compassion and empathy in the moment it won’t work if there isn’t more 24/7 “preventative maintenance” connection between the two of you.

Connection Power Tools 

*empathy

*roughhousing & laughter

*special time: one-on-one, uninterrupted, unstructured time that is directed by your child

* time- in’s – holding space so your child feels safe to work through their emotions, they need to either cry or laugh to make themselves feel better during/after a tantrum or meltdown. They may not want you to physically hold them but being right there will allow them to know you are present & available whenever they do need you.

All emotions and needs your children have are ok, we should allow all feelings, it is just some behavior that may need to be limited. Emotions drive behavior, so in order to change behavior we need to help them with the feelings that are actually driving the undesired behavior. Once they can manage their emotions they will be able to manage their own behavior. Which leads us to the next topic…

The parenting “sweet spot”, empathetic limits

Dr. Markham does not teach that being as connected with your child as possible means having low expectations of them. It is actually high expectations that will help teach them and give them opportunities to practice self discipline. She does not believe in punishment or imposed consequences, bribes or yelling as a way to achieve desired behavior.

Punishment does not work to improve behavior because it does not address the underlying cause of what is driving that behavior, your children will only learn to lie to circumvent punishment, act out in other ways, and not learn to self regulate or self discipline. Self discipline is the act of giving up something you want for something you want more, and in order for this to develop we need the repeated experiencing of having to chose, in order to “practice.”

It is also beneficial to empower your child to repair. Instead of punishing them, work together to come up with a way to “right” the behavior. Many children, especially strong-willed ones, are experiential learners. They have to *want* to do something, and arbitrary consequences made up by a parent will never appeal to their personal integrity.

How to Enforce Limits:

> Get in your child’s face in a friendly way

> Empathize/ Give Wish Verbally (“I know you want to keep playing and I bet when you are older and live on your own you will always play straight through dinner and not eat, but in our house we all eat together so right now it is time to stop playing and eat with us.”)

> Side step a power struggle by giving choices

> Invite cooperation with playfulness

> Ask her/him to help to solve the problem

> Let them discover natural consequences

Dr. Markham also talked a bit about how human emotion works and that most often we “stuff” our emotions down into our body rather than experiencing them. This manifests as a myriad of health problems: stress, disease, etc. and research has also shown the same affect on the body for people who yell regularly. By allowing our children to “feel” we help teach them that emotions are normal and safe. Crying in children has shown that it helps them to heal, reduces anxiety, and builds resistance. Giving them a safe place to cry, in or out of our arms, and not distracting them from it are all extremely helpful in the long run.

It was a very informative, fast paced, two hours, and although this post attempted to pull it all together in a digestible form I really encourage you to check out her blog or book for more examples and further explanation.

I do find that a lot of the techniques are not as easily applicable to toddlers, especially non or less verbal ones.  A lot of these practices are based on “age appropriate” expectations and gauging what is or is not appropriate for your specific child. I had hoped to ask Dr. Markham if she had any reccommendations for resources that were helpful in understanding more of what is age appropriate for 2/3 year olds not yet talking much but didn’t get a chance to as there were a lot of questions and I needed to get home for T’s bed time (: This is definitely my next avenue of exploration though, maybe it will warrant it’s own follow up post! That being said, even though I feel like there is only so much T & I can actually work together on (he will be two next month and only uses ~5 words) I feel like these ideas and tools have helped lay a great foundation for me. I am able to practice the self regulating techniques, I can “talk it out” with myself even if T isn’t comprehending as practice, and I have to say I have gotten pretty good at surrendering the “power” and side stepping struggles that don’t actually matter.

Does anyone have any other insight to share regarding punishment, natural consequences or enforcing limits emphatically? Do you enjoy the Aha! Parenting blog? I would love to hear from anyone with older children as my parenting experience thus far is limited & I have always found the subject of emotional regulation very fascinating!

New Year Resolutions: Mama Style

Last week I wrote all about New Year Resolutions past and this week I thought I would write a follow up of what I am actually hoping for in 2014.

My husband’s resolutions seemed to take the form of one personal desire, Presence, and then one work/career desire. Under the over arching desire he brainstormed applicable ways to work towards it. For me, I do small interactive advertising, content management, and social media projects from home for money but I consider my “job” to be raising our 22 month old. Naturally my personal resolutions affect my parenting, the same as my husband’s personal actions affect his parenting and our family, but there were some things that I felt I would like to specifically address in my role as mama for 2014.

Potty

We have been practicing Elimination Communication with T part time for a very long while but this year I want 100% of pees & poos to be in the potty. We are armed with many pairs of underwear and we practice a lot at home but I can’t help but feel we are SO far away, T is not verbal and it is almost impossible to get him to tell us *before* he goes. He also wakes what feels like 8-12 times a night and I have no idea what that means for us when it comes to potty-ing and diapers at night time.  I really want him to be exclusively in underwear this year, but again, I pretty much have no expectations left when it comes to his parenting thing and also know that small children simply can not be forced to do anything. So, one can only hope.

Sleep

I feel like we have absolutely exhausted (no pun intended) this avenue. Co-sleeping, night time nursing, night weaning, his own bed next to ours, his own bed in his own room, talking about it, Daddy comforting, Mama comforting, etc. etc. and the longest he sleeps is cuddled up with me for only 2 hours (or less) at a time. This has to change this year. This is the year that we all sleep more!!!!! We have some travel coming up in January and February and then T’s second birthday is in March. After that it is Mission: Sleep. We are going tackle more sleep, even if it means T’s habits can not or do not change but my husband and I switch off nights on duty so we can at least get a few nights of uninterrupted sleep a week, more sleep is a priority for everyone this year.

Environment & Being The Example

What do I want my household environment to be like, feel like? What kind of energy do I want in my home? I like to ask myself this a few times a day to keep it in the front of my mind. My goal this is year is to practice more of what I envision. I can not expect T to grow up being calm, patient, willing to communicate and express himself if I am not. I can not expect him to be peaceful and loving in all of our interactions if I am not. If what I see for us is a slow paced, loving home in which we share many laughs than I am going to slow down, relax and worry less about things that do not need my immediate attention. If my hopes for T are to be polite than I am going to focus more on always using a polite tone with him and my husband, and so on.

I feel like there is so much more I want to get out of my brain and onto paper, so to speak, so I can assess and reflect on it, but I think the above seems to be a reasonable amount to take on right now without overwhelming myself.  I look forward to updating everyone on our progress over the next few months!

What goals do you have in your professional, home, or mama life this year? Anything daunting that you are looking forward to finally addressing when it comes to your Sweet Peas?